Why Me?

I'm currently in a small group that is going through an adaptation the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. The first few weeks have just been setting the ground work, this week is the first full week. The first topic for reflection?

The Negative Force of Sin in the World.

I must confess I had an inward groan - that continued when I saw the sub-categories

• The Sin of the Angels. Luke 10:18
• The Sin of Adam and Eve. 1 Cor 15:21
• The Sin of Adam and Eve (part 2) Genesis 3: 1-19
• The Sin of One Person. Luke 12:20
• Reflection on Judas. Matt 26:24
• Reflection on your own life.
• A Meditation on Hell. Matt 25:34, 41

This is not exactly the way I want to spend my week. A large part of my own faith journey has been shaking off the labels of 'Sinner' and 'Fallen' because they obscured me from seeing the goodness that God has placed in me. I've spent all this time bolstering my fragile self-esteem, why go back to berating myself?

I could write a long post about Augustine vs Pelagius vs Aquinas and the doctrine of 'Original Sin', but although I find the differing views interesting, the reality it would be 'head games' for me.

In wikipedia it says about Original sin: "In the history of Christianity this condition has been characterized in many ways ranging from something as insignificant as a slight deficiency, or a tendency toward sin yet without collective guilt, referred to as a "sin nature," to something as drastic as total depravity or automatic guilt by all humans through collective guilt."

I could wax eloquently about 'deficiency' vs 'tendency' vs 'total depravity', but it's all an emotional smoke screen. The truth is that I sometimes do things wrong. I sin, I 'miss the mark'. I think all of us, if we are honest, would say we sometimes 'miss the mark' even if we disagree about what that mark is and how it gets set.

This morning as I prayerfully reflected on the 'Sin of the World' the phrase 'Why Me?' rattled around my brain. Normally it is my mantra whenever things go wrong, but today as I thought about the world and my place in it, 'Why Me?' was a statement of wonder and gratitude.

Thousands go to bed, hungry, cold and fearful. I go to bed, content, overweight and snuggled in my comforter - why me?

Thousands have no employment and health coverage. I have a well paying job, medical insurance, and access to the drugs I need - why me?

I never thought that starting a week meditating on 'Sin' would lead me to 'Gratitude'.

Armpits and Cheese

I've been having way too much fun watching bad 80s pop videos on Youtube.

Bronski Beat
Wham
Aha
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Dexy's Midnight Runners
Erasure
Yazoo
The Communards
Chris De Burgh

It's awesome retro time on Peter's Blog

Does any other pop video have as many unwashed armpits as this one?



Or how about this - a video just dripping cheese :)

The Parody of a Parody

In 1992 the synth pop group Erasure released an E.P. that was 4 covers of songs by Abba and was appropriately called 'Abba-esque' - all performed in the style of Erasure.

In response the Abba impersonation group Bjorn Again did a cover version of Erasure's song 'A Little Respect' under the album title Erasure-ish.

And here's the video of 'Abba' does Erasure for your viewing pleasure!

Jesus for President? Heck No!!!!

I've had enough of the Presidential Race.

The Obama camp has been talking about McCain's involvement with the Keating Five Scandal. It seems some unethical financial dealings took place by someone McCain knew. This makes him unfit for President.

Using Democrat logic, this means Jesus is unfit for President because of his close ties with the disciple Matthew the Tax Collector. Tax Collectors were known to charge the poor more than the taxes required and pocket the difference. Jesus must have known this but still chose to associate with Matthew.

Too bad. You can judge a man by the company he keeps.

The McCain camp has been talking about Obama's involvement with Bill Ayres. It seems some terrorist activities took place by someone Obama knew. This makes him unfit for President.

Using Republican logic, this means Jesus is unfit for President because of his close ties with the disciple Simon the Zealot. The Zealots were known 'terrorists' who rebelled against the political leaders of the day with acts of violence. Jesus must have known this but still chose to associate with Simon.

Too bad. You can judge a man by the company he keeps.

In my naivete I thought Politics was about Policies not Personalites.

Maybe it's just as well I can't vote.

My name is....and I approve this message.

Thanks for this Ginger - v. funny.

Mathematics and Humor?!

Yes I'm a math geek, and this is one of my favorite Tom Lehrer songs (lip synched!)

What is weird is that I was taught 'New Math' at school, so the explanation of the sums (both in Base 10 and Base 8) make perfect sense to me. But when he explains how people used to do it, I'm lost!

I don't want to consider the Lilies

(What follows are some random thoughts for the Contemplative Service this Sunday)

Matt 6: 28-30 says "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? "

I've been reflecting on this passage for a few weeks now and thinking about Solomon. He was the 'Golden Boy' of Israel, wealthy, intelligent, good looking a cross between Harrison Ford and Bill Gates. He brought in wealth, ran elaborate building projects including building the First Temple, had great relations with foreign countries and apparently had a fashion sense that rivals Vera Wang and Michael Kors.



Trouble is, good fashion sense is not very high on my list of priorities. I don't have a particular desire to wander around dressed like Solomon, and even though I work for a church, biblical garb is neither expected or desired. So I've been wondering how I would rewrite the passage to make it more attractive for me.



Maybe instead of dressing like Solomon it could read:

'Compose like Sondheim'
'Cook like Bobby Flay'
'Design games like Reiner Knizia'
'Write books like Terry Pratchett'

My list could go on and on detailing people I want to look like, sing like, play music like, think like and earn like.

Who would be on your list?

Making a list like this - although an interesting exercise, is ultimately depressing. It shows my passions, but it also highlights my limits. I'm never going to play piano like Jelly Roll Morton or lift weights like Charles Atlas. In the midst of desiring to be healthy, slimmer and more gifted I need to remember that God will 'clothe me'. He doesn't dress me in a Solomon costume, but calls me to be uniquely me. I'm not supposed to compose music like Sondheim, my call is to compose music like Peter Johns. I'm not designed to cook food like Bobby Flay, I am designed to cook food like Peter Johns. I am not supposed to live, look like or act like anyone else but me - and be me with my flaws, faults and failings.

God calls me to celebrate the unique giftings He has given me and to stop comparing. Underneath comparison is worry. Worry that I'm not good enough, slim enough, fast enough, talented enough, creative enough etc.

Into our worry and comparison Jesus says 'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?....Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.'

So I will try and give my list of names over to God. I'll thank him for the gifts and the limitations that make me unique.

Is it possible to make Kale and Tofu Appetizing?

Tofu is a curious food, It's almost an un-food. I know it is supposed to adapt chameleon-like to whatever dish it is in and assume the same flavor, but on the rare occasions I have cooked with it, it seems to remain as little moments of Zen Nothingness in the midst of palate stimulation.

Kale too seems to me to be less of a food and more of a garnish. It's the wilted green curly leaf that fruit gets placed on. It's a food groupie - hanging around with the rest of the band hoping that it can become cool by association.

In one of my random searches across the Internet I somehow came across the following recipe for Lemon Chickpea and Tofu stir fry. For some reason I printed it out, and, as I consumed way too much food the last two weeks at Hesychia I figured it was a good time to get back into healthy eating and try something new. This is the result.


Buy a block of Extra firm tofu. Put it between sheets of kitchen towel with a weight on top to draw out the moisture.
I was amazed and rather astonished as to how much fluid came out! I think I changed the paper towels three times of the course of the couple of hours that it sat in the refrigerator!

And here's everything else. 2 shallots. 1 lemon (juiced and zest). 1 cup of chopped Kale. I can of chick peas (drained), 2 small zucchini (finely chopped), olive oil and salt. Doesn't that all sound yummy????

First, stir fry the chick peas and the shallots in the olive oil and some sea salt until the chickpeas get golden with a crunchy exterior. This took a lot longer than anticipated!

When they reach that point, stir in 8ozs of Tofu, diced, let that heat through and then add the chopped Kale and stir till it wilts. Transfer the mix into a bowl and keep warm.

Add a little more oil and stir fry the Zucchini. Originally I had the zucchini in slices, but I figured it would take too long to stir fry so I chopped it up instead.

Mix it all together and add the juice and the zest of the lemon and voila!

I was actually pleasantly surprised. The Lemon juice worked some kind of magic giving the kale and the tofu a nice flavor and tying the whole dish together.

Would I make it again? - Yes I would, and I even think I would serve it to others.

Any Issues? - I would double everything, that way I wouldn't be stuck with half a block of drained tofu in my freezer. Also the recipe said it made enough for 2 - 4 people. That seemed quite a wide margin to me, and as I was so hungry I ate all of it that means I just consumed food for 4-8 people!!! Oh well, at least it was healthy eating.

Is it possible to make Kale and Tofu Appetizing? -Yes, through the magic of lemon juice!

...normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

I got back to Houston late last night (fortunately to a house that had power, and milk in the fridge - Thanks Shannon)

I had a rehearsal this morning, and I was driving in to work I was struck by how much evidence of Ike you can still see around. Nearly every street has tree limbs cut up and leaves bagged waiting to be taken away. I saw technicians working on power lines. I talked to friends who don't have power and others who have power but their sewer systems are backed up. I saw many interstections where the lights have not been reset so the traffic backs up.

Part of me thought I would get back and it would be 'business as usual' as if somehow Ike hadn't happened.

But storms, whether literal or figurative, always take longer than we anticipate to recover from.

In a change of thought, here are the people I 'journeyed with' these past two weeks at Hesychia.

The 'Week One' Gang!

The 'Week Two' Crew!

I'm grateful for all of them for sharing their lives and there sacred stories with me!

Week 3 and 4 is coming in November - woohoo!

The Journey of a thousand miles...

...begins with a single step.

This week has been part of a journey for me. My first memories of learning about other religions were in Religious Education Classes in High School. The memories are ones of boredom and disinterest.

My next memories are from Sunday School and my work with the Oasis Foundation. There the emphasis was upon teaching us enough about what the different religions believe so we could learn strategies to convert them to Christianity.

This week has been about learning, to appreciate the uniqueness of different faith expressions.

It's been a journey that has brought up those old emotions of 'Right and Wrong'. I've already blogged about what does my need to say Christianity is right and everyone else is wrong say about me.

Two things that have helped this week:

1) On monday in the introduction to Interfaith Spiritual Direction it was said 'When you meet a person you look for commonalities, not differences.' As I've listened to stories out of faith traditions different to my own I've heard much that is common. It makes me reflect on how on the journey of Spirituality different traditions learn remarkably similar lessons. For example, this morning we heard a tale from the Mahabharata (one of the Hindu holy books), whose teaching was remarkably similar to the book of Ecclesiastes. Another speaker this week said that people may find differences of Theology but find remarkable similarities of Practice. The monks who practice Centering Prayer discover much in common with monks who practice Zen.

Where this leads me I don't know...but it is great thought for further reflection and reading.

2) When a person dies, God doesn't give them a Pop Quiz in Theology as an entrance exam into Heaven. There is Grace over all of this. That gives me hope even as I question.

Why am I here?

Don't panic I'm not having existential angst. Today we in class we talked about 'Islam and Spiritual Direction' and also 'Spiritual but not Religious'. I'm not going to blog about either of those topics (even though they were excellent sessions). There was a chance comment made by a classmate that seemed to resonate with me and got me thinking about my path to Hesychia.

His comment (paraphrased) was 'The church seemed to be more about doctrine than saving souls'.

In many ways, that was me, and if I'm honest is still me sometimes, but to hear it expressed with that clarity made me think 'Why do I want to be a Spiritual Director?' as opposed to a Teacher or something like that. I used to be a paid up member of the 'Brethren Doctrine Police' (I just made that up). Being 'right' was more important than being 'loving'. I treated people that way because that was the way I thought God treated me. That changed because of Spiritual Direction in my life.

Why do I want to be a Spiritual Director?
One of the things I've always been good at is asking questions. Somehow I seem to have an ability to phrase a question in a way that can reveal, lovingly challenge, and invite. I used to ask seemingly simple questions to people and then challenge their answers in a way that made them think. (Cliff/Adam, if you're reading this 'Who are you?' GRIN)

Why do I want to be a Spiritual Director?
I first encountered Spiritual Direction at a guided retreat at S.t. Hildas in Whitby. This is the Mother House of the Order of the Holy Paraclete. I didn't know that what I was experiencing was Spiritual Direction, but the guidance of that Nun back in 1992 started me on a path that has brought me to Hesychia. More than just guidance though, the experience had a profound affect on my spirituality and how I viewed Jesus. Jesus became for me someone I wanted to be seen un public with, someone who was attractive and welcoming. This was one of the first glimpses that I had of a 'different Jesus' to the one I had somehow created for myself. This one was nice! I'd like to help more people have that experience.

Why do I want to be a Spiritual Director?
It seems like the next step that God is calling me in to. I don't know why and what for, but this feels 'right'. On Monday, when I was going to be 'spiritually directing' for the first time in my Practicum session, I posted a comment to that fact on Facebook. Within moments I had comments from people, including people I haven't talked to in years, that basically said how I had a positive impact on their life and spirituality. It seems like I've been doing this for a while without knowing it.

Why do I want to be a Spiritual Director?
Yes there is a part of me that wants to have 'a title'. Some of that is motivated by a thought that 'people will take me seriously once I have a title'. That thinking doesn't really work, esp. as there is no nationally accredited qualification for becoming a Spiritual Director. More than that though. I want to connect with people. I want to listen to them where they are and honor the work that God is doing in them. There is something powerful about being with somebody on Holy Ground as they share their sacred story.

My Brain Hurts

Today we covered Zen Buddhism in the morning and Cosmology and New Science in the afternoon. I am so confused. The morning session was taught by a very articulate catholic priest who is also a zen Roshi. There are only a few of these in the world so we were very fortunate to have him come speak to us.

I could feel my 'Inner Fundamentalist' starting to complain at various points. I found it difficult to understand how somebody can be a master in two traditions, especially at the points where they disagree.

It raises interesting questions for me - Jesus said 'I am the way, the truth and the life' no one comes to the Father but through me. (John 14)

In my faith tradition we make this an exclusive claim that Jesus makes. It's always been separated in my mind from his comment a few verses earlier 'In my father's house are many rooms'.

But why separate it? I don't know.

In the parable of the Sheep and the Goats (Matt 25) the only difference between who goes to eternal life and who doesn't is their actions.

Why do I emphasise John 14 over Matt 25? Why is it so important to me for Christianity to be exclusive? What need does it serve for me to be able to say 'This religion is right. That religion is wrong'?

I don't have an answer.

I do know that the alternative of 'all roads lead to God' still ruffles my feathers in a way I can't explain.

But who am I to put limits on God's grace?

A Relaxing Evening

Today was long day...I'll blog separately about it.

Celebrate getting through it in one piece Carol, Kate and I went to 'The Melting Pot' and gorged ourselves on fondue. 3 courses!!!! Of Cheesy, meaty, chocolaty goodness all washed down with a really nice Forest Glen White Merlot.

The chocolate course was spectacular

Especially when it was put on fire!!!

After getting back to my room I was carrying my computer out to work when I saw this crawl across my front step!!!

That's a real live Sonoran Desert Tarantula folks....and yes I did freak out a little, after all I was wearing sandals and almost stepped on it!

I managed to get a close up with my digital zoom, but I swear the thing was heading for a bite on my toes.

Being a Spiritual Director for the First Time

I just had my first experience of being a Spiritual Director in a Practicum Session. The following is purely fiction, but reminiscent of the state of my mind during the experience.


O.k. Listen, pray, listen. I can do that. Don't talk to much.
Oh. He's looking at me, should I say something? I should ask a question? Should I ask a question? What question should I ask? He's talking again, shut up and listen.

Wow that's really interesting, that reminds me of a time when I.... no, put that to one side. Listen. God please help me to stay focused. They've stopped again. Should I ask about...but is that really what this session is about or is it just me being nosy?

More silence. There's a lot of silence. Silence is good right? If it's good why do I feel the urge to say something? I'm just about to ask a question and wow they start talking again. Now they've stopped. This time it's a long pause....I'll ask a question.

Man that was a crap question. I totally mangled that question. It took 5 sentences just to explain what I meant. They are answering the question! How do they know what question to answer? I don't know what I just asked, how do they? I wonder what's for dinner. Don't think about food! Listen. Pray. Listen.

Should I make a meaningful sound so that they know I'm listening? Maybe a 'Hmmmmm' or a 'Do go on'. I can't do that. It feels too forced. God, help, please help.

They are really working hard. I feel like I'm here on Holy Ground, they are telling their story and their fears to me, I feel really lucky. Wow I must be really good at this.

Oh No. Pride Alert!!!!!

This isn't you it's God, you need to confess that and pray about it, but not now because you should be listening.

Listen.

Listen.

Listen.

Was that my stomach? Oh crap.
What if I fart during Spiritual Direction? That would really look holy!

Listen.

Listen.

Wow we've run out of time.
They seemed to really appreciate the session.
Did I really ask helpful questions?

That was really God and not me.




What is for dinner?

Too holy for Church

My friend Carol, who I've been hanging out with the past few days, once said 'I think the Sabbath is too holy to spend in Church'.

That may seem heretical to some, but I think the early Celts would approve. They considered the earth their cathedral, and today we went to one of the largest 'Cathedrals' in the Tucson area.

After a brunch at a friend of Kate and Carol's, we climbed into the car and drove up into the Catalina Mountains to Mount Lemmon.

We had a lazy day enjoying the cathedral of God's creation, and then we stopped in mountain village of Summerhaven for pizza and cookies.


(As usual click on any of the pictures to see them full size)

Politics. Play. Party.

After a lazy start to Saturday morning where I caught up on some sleep and blogged, Carol picked me up (thanks Carol)

We then headed over to get Kate and we went to have lunch at the Hotel Congress in downtown Tucson. This was the hotel where John Henry Dillinger and his gang was hiding from the F.B.I. Due to a fire in the hotel that caused them to flee, the local Tucson police did what the combined might of the F.B.I. had failed to do, and arrested America's Most Wanted (who then later escaped from an 'Escape Proof Cell' and went on the run again.)

After lunch Kate and Carol were interviewed by the local Tucson press about Arizona Proposition 102.

We then headed off to the Mission San Xavier del Bac which was fascinating. In the midst of all the saints I spotted one unusual carving (See slide show below). It was a statue of the Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha - a native american woman who is in the process of being Canonized by the Catholic Church, the first Native American to be honored in this way.

After visiting the mission we consumed indian frybread in the parking lot - yum yum yum.

After a brief respite we headed off to a birthday party where I tried a local Tucson delicacy called Carne Seca. This is cooked shredded beef that is then air dried on the roof of your house(!). You reconstitute it with a little water to serve. It was an acquired taste.

Again you can click on any of the pictures to enlarge them for your viewing pleasure.

Friday Fun

Yesterday was just a half day at school

Carol picked me up just after lunch and we headed off to Tohono Chul Park.



(Click on any of the pics to see them full size.)

I was really excited to see the Century Plant

From Friday Play Day in Tucson

As I really liked the song 'Century Plant' from the movie 'Camp'. And here by the miracle of Youtube is the song for your enjoyment.



After spending time in the sun we went in the tea room where I had a glorious pot of English Breakfast Tea and Carol had Prickly Pear Cactus Lemonade.

Then off shopping to prepare for dinner.

We were wandering around Trader Joes when I spotted this in the frozen food section.

How nice of them to make a frozen food that is Therapy as well :)

I had a nice relaxed evening with Carol, Kate, and their friend Patricia. I cooked dinner and then we played 'Felix - The Cat in the Sack'. It was a nice change of pace.

Hesychia Day 4

This morning we covered an 'Introduction to Inner Life and Religious Experience: Steps for the Journey'. The presentation gave us a framework for different stages of spiritual growth. Stages is probably the wrong word though, I think of it more as different colors of glass in the stained glass window of our lives. The presentation helped identify the different panels that make up the bigger picture.

Thought for the day - feel free to discuss.

Going to a Spiritual Director to become 'more spiritual' is like going to the gym to become 'more human'.

Each of us is already as Spiritual as we can be - what we need to learn is awareness, openness, connectedness etc.

Ike Part 4

Here's a radar loop of what I lived through last friday.

Much of the deep red went right over my house!

http://www.khou.com/video/news-index.html?nvid=284254&shu=1

The Danger of Ringtones

I'm travelling light at the moment. Ever since I discovered that my cell phone has an alarm clock feature, I've ceased packing my little travelling clock.

This morning I discovered a drawback to this plan.

I'm sitting at breakfast having an engaging discussion with two catholic nuns and a catholic priest about the nature of Allegory and how sometimes the narrative can feel forced because as well as telling the story it also has the meta-narrative of the points the Allegory is making. Good deep conversation.

My phone rings.

Normally I keep my phone on vibrate, but because I have been using it to rouse me from my slumber it was on full volume.

Into the cavernous emptiness of the Catholic Retreat Center Dining Room came the melodious strains of Meredith Brooks...

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed...."

Oops!

Training day 3. God does the Unexpected - as usual!

There seem to be two different streams of learning going on in my life simultaneously at this moment.

1) There is the learning of the 'How To' of Spiritual Direction.

2) There is the learning that comes from encounter with God.

This morning we had a wonderful session on listening skills. It was practical, educational, experiential and enjoyable. We did a very interesting Creative Writing exercise where I felt very connected to God and I thought to myself 'Here's what I need to blog about today'.

Then we had the first part of the afternoon - We were compassionate observers on a Spiritual Direction Session. It was moving, instructive, informative and at the end of the session I had written in large letters on my notes 'Trust Yourself!' and 'Take the Risk'. At the break time I thought to myself 'Here's what I need to blog about today'.

Then we had Practicum.

For the second session I was the Directee - it was a totally different experience to what I had planned, God showed up in a major way.

I was talking about how I've found it difficult to compose (esp. lyrics) since Mom passed away last year. As we talked somehow the conversation came around to one of my favorite verses to do with music writing and the image of God in my life - Zephaniah 3:17. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing"

As I talked about the image in the verse being one of a mother cradling her child and singing over them as they cry I started tearing up. It was as if a light had come on.

Here is an image of God that has been very meaningful for me over the years. I suddenly realized that in losing my mother I felt that I lost that image of God. My Earthly mother could no longer hold me in that way, and a part of me felt that God could no longer do that too.

I lost it.

I started weeping.

I'm so grateful for the woman who was being the Director for the session. If she had started crying I would have totally shut down. As it was she just sat there patiently.

I felt very vulnerable and loved all at the same moment.

I know I have a lot of processing to do on this experience.

I came to Hesychia thinking that most of the learning would fall into learning skill sets and techniques. What has surprised me is how much God has been speaking to me in this place.

The desert is a wonderful rich place to be right now.

The life of Ike

Here's the link to an incredible photo essay about Ike

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html


Powerful stuff.

Spiritual Director Training Retreat Day 2

It has been a really full day today.

This morning we covered the History of Spiritual Direction in the Contemplative Tradition. This was really an impossible task and something that could take a Semester rather than 2 hours and 15 minutes. The speaker acknowledged that she was presenting from her own Catholic background. I appreciated that she recognized that fact, but I would have liked maybe a little input about Celtic Spirituality and other Protestant Traditions. It felt a little like saying 'yes, we acknowledge this is important and that there are other threads, but it's not important enough for us to devote any time to it'.

Having said that, I am aware that in 2 hours and 15 minutes somethings have to be not said for clarity's sake. I think it's also the fact that I feel in a minority position for me as it seems there are more Catholics than Protestants here - doh, I'm at a Catholic Retreat Center! It seems very 'little' of me to be complaining about a catholic emphasis here. It's a new experience for me to be part of the 'spiritual minority'. It's good for me.

Probably the statement that I found resonated with me the most this morning was "Every human experience can have a religious dimension for the believer who expects to encounter God" ~ William Barry.

One of the threads of my own spiritual journey has been a realization of how much God is present all around me. I think of previous posts about 'Spiritual Where's Waldo' and 'Seeking Burning Bushes'.

The song I wrote 'There Are Burning Bushes Everywhere' was running through my head most of the day.

A dusty path, a dreary land
A wooden staff in weathered hand
A holy blaze that never dies
A miracle before the eyes
A stumbling onto holy ground
God revealed in sight and sound
As it was for Moses why not me?
If I can teach my eyes to see

There are burning bushes everywhere
Fiery flowers, blazing for hours
Waiting for us to see them there
The red and the green, dancing unseen through our days
Lighting the path, keeping our lives ablaze.

The roll of dice, the belly laugh
The ancient tale, the photograph
The mouse's click, the lovers' kiss
All of Heaven speaks through this
The taste of bread, the t.v. show
Are signs for those who are in the know
How I take for granted daily grace
The voice of God is common place

For there are burning bushes everywhere
Fiery flowers, blazing for hours
Waiting for us to see them there
The red and the green, dancing unseen through our days
Lighting the path, keeping our lives ablaze.

It's not that God is far away
Only whispering on special days
Our lives are spent on holy ground
God speaks so much we ignore the sound

When there are burning bushes everywhere
Fiery flowers, blazing for hours
Waiting for us to see them there
The red and the green, dancing unseen through our days
Lighting the path, keeping our lives ablaze.

This whole connection to Burning Bushes came up strongly in the afternoon for me. We talked about the stance of Moses before the Bush being a model of the Director and Directee. When someone comes to us with their stories and experiences they are sharing 'Holy Ground' with us and we should respond like Moses, humble and barefoot.

We then started our practicums and spent time together 'on holy ground'.

In the practicum, one person is the Director, one the Directee, and the rest of us are Compassionate Observers. The Director and Directee do a 20 minute Spiritual Direction session while the rest of us silently watch. At the end of the session we sit and offer where we saw blocks and openings.

Going in to it I was concerned that it would feel like 'Role Play' but not at all. It was clear that there was a genuine sacred safe container made for people to share and be authentic. It was beautiful and a definite 'holy ground'. It was a challenge to just listen and observe. There were topics that came up in the 2 sessions today that I had to 'bracket' and put to one side because they were resonating with things in my own life and spiritual walk.

I also found my 'inner critic' wanting to comment on the way some of the sessions went - saying to myself 'That's not the way to do this'. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no particular 'way' to do this. Their are guidelines and suggestions, but every Director will lead in their own unique way, that's what makes some Directors a good fit to work with some people but not with others.

I think my 'inner critic' is also appearing as a defense mechanism. As I've listened to people's stories and backgrounds I find myself feeling 'unworthy to be here' and 'less than'. With professional therapists and people who've lived a life in Holy Orders in the group it is easy for me to say 'who am I'?

This is an old tape that I carry with me everywhere. I'm glad I had the experience in Lectio Divina yesterday of God reminding me that 'He is the only one who matters'. I thought that was just for my fear about showing up late - but that message is speaking right into my default thought patterns.

Tomorrow I get to be a 'Directee' in one of the sessions. I'm still praying about what I should bring to the discussion. Having seen the process today helps me react and know that God will be there.

Spiritual Director Training Retreat Day 1

Well I got here a day late, and I was a bit concerned about it. As they covered some basics and did some group bonding yesterday. The phrase that went through mind when I was praying this morning was 'Here you are again Peter, a day late and a dollar short'.

I needn't have worried.

In one of the morning classes on Lectio Divina we were praying on a passage from Psalm 90. The phrase that I felt was God's word to me was '..after heaven and earth have vanished, there is only you.' I felt a real sense of peace that that I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks about me. There is only God who matters - and he's head over heels in love with me. I'm never 'A day late or a dollar short' with Him.

That made me feel better.

Classes were interesting today and I'm looking forward - with some trepidation, to the Spiritual Director Practicum sessions that start tomorrow. Fortunately I don't have to direct until next week(!)

After lunch I crept out and took some pictures of area surrounding the Center.



The cacti are really impressive. As were the ancient Petroglyphs.

I'm typing this entry on a balcony over looking the valley, and I can see mountains in the distance and hear coyotes howling!

Quote of the day about spiritual Direction "No fixing, no saving, no advising, no setting each other straight" - it's originally said about Quaker Clearing Committees, but it applies equally well to Spiritual Direction too.

Welcome to the Desert

Here's the view when I stepped out my door this morning!

From Desolation to Desolation

This morning I was packing my suitcase by flashlight (the closet still being dark due to the lack of electricity), taking a cold shower so that I did not over heat too much, and then driving to the airport seeing yet more signs of Ike destruction.

This evening I met up with Carol and Kate, ate some great Mexican food here in Tucson, and I'm now typing this outside on the balcony of the Redemptorist Renewal Center over looking the lights of Tucson in the middle of the desert!

From desolate destruction to desolate beauty in one day...

...oh and there was cake too.

I feel so lucky to be here - and yet my mind is still with the many of my friends in Houston without electricity. A small part of me feels that I have deserted them - though I know they wouldn't feel the same. I'm glad to get out the chaos of Houston, and part of me feels I should still be there.

Funny things, emotions.

Ike Part 3

For part 2 click here

For part 1 click here

The power went out at about 1:35pm, it got so noisy after that it was very difficult to sleep. Ike took about 8 hours to pass over us completely. 2 hours of tropical storm, 4 hours of Hurricane and then another 2 hours of storm. The Eye of the storm passed to the east of us. My brother in the U.K actually asked if I could go out in the street and shoot a video of Ike passing over us - maybe he still hasn't forgiven me for hitting him in the nose with a golf club when we were kids :)

Our street had no damage, though 1 block over 2 houses caught fire and were gutted by the flames, a power line came down on them and started it I believe. This fire means it's going to be a while before the house gets electricity again.

We spent most of Saturday playing boardgames. I reheated some stir fry for lunch and pizza for dinner (hooray for gas stoves). We went out for a walk in the neighborhood and took some pictures. And then the street had another impromptu gathering at the house with the generator (and the booze). People were firing up their gas grills to use up the meat in their freezers :)

Here are some random pics - click on any of them to see full size.



To see more pics of the aftermath click here

Sleeping last night was very difficult because of the humidity. It also started raining and storming again.

This morning I tried to leave the neighborhood but the flood waters prevented me. We played some more boardgames and when the water receded headed over to a friends house who was further out of town and had air conditioning!

Aaah the luxury of electricity.

I'm booked on a flight tomorrow for my course in Tucson, but I haven't heard for certain when the airport is going to re-open. If it gets too late it won't be worth flying out as I will have missed too much SIGH

Ike Part 2

For part one click here

There is something about a disaster that brings out the community in people.

There are 23 houses on my street, and there's not much to do but sit around, drink, tell tall tales, and wait for Ike to hit us just like we were Tina Turner.

So, seeing as I had plenty of time and not much to do, I decided I would attempt the pizza recipe in my Cooks Illustrated Book.

This involved making pizza dough from scratch, assembling and then cooking. How hard could it be?

Well - harder than I thought. The dough seemed to form itself wonderfully, but shaping and stretching it out into a 21 inch diameter pizza base seemed impossible. It kept ripping and pulling back!

Well eventually I got the pizza built on the Pizza Peel which had been liberally coated with cornmeal to assist the pizza sliding into the oven.

It wasn't totally circular, and it was smaller than the requisite 21 inches, but I was feeling pleased with myself.

To put the pizza on the tray that had been heating in the very hot oven (500F) the book said - and I quote "Use a quick jerking action to slide the topped dough off the peel and onto the hot tiles or pizza stone." It is amazing how much angst can be concealed in a simple sentence.

There I was standing before a ferociously hot oven.

I used a quick jerking motion.

The toppings slid into the oven and the base remained on the peel.

Not quite the result I had hoped for, so I maneuvered the dough into the oven and piled on the toppings.

It came out a little misshapen but then a miracle occurred.

I tasted it.

It may have been deformed, but it tasted perfect!!! Steve took one bite and said that I should open a restaurant.

Ennobled by the taste, I attempted Pizza 2. I also realized upon a close rereading of the recipe that I had added the cheese to early to pizza 1. I tried to slide using a less jerking motion. The toppings rolled, but stayed on the dough - but the dough wouldn't move.

I pushed it into the oven with a wooden spoon.

Pizza 3, I used a lot more cornmeal and Steve offered to try the jerking maneuver - well he does have some Italian heritage so maybe the problem is actually genetic.

Nope!

Because I couldn't get the dough thin enough the pizza was too thick to slide.

It did taste incredible - now we can have left over pizza for a few meals :)

Oh and just in case you wondered there's not much to report to Ike right now. It's 8pm we don't have much wind and we still have electricity.

We do have some ominous clouds overhead though!

Ike Part 1

Well Hurricane Ike is coming and everyone is dealing with it in different ways.

There are the 'Survivalists' who are stockpiling canned goods and water as if Ike is a combination of Y2K and a Nuclear strike.

The 'Party People' - I stood behind one of those at the store whose grocery cart was full of water and many many cases of beer.

The 'Cleopatra Brigade' who are competing to become the next 'Queen of Denial' - those folks aren't even removing their lawn art from the front yard. Personally I don't want to be hit by a low flying plastic flamingo.

The 'Sugar Fiends' - I don't understand this group at all but I witnessed this phenomenon when 'Dolly' came through so I know it's not a fluke. This group is preparing for the hurricane by purchasing donuts!!! I don't get it myself, but if you are addicted to sweet confectionery then this group is for you.

The 'Junk Food Junkies' - a friend of mine who works at McDonalds says someone came in and ordered 40 hot and spicy burgers and 40 cheese burgers this morning!!!

The 'Cautiously Optimistic' - this group is going about life as relatively normal, but making some preparations as they deem appropriate.

So what group do I fall into?

I'm a combination of 'Party People' and 'Cautiously Optimistic'. Though I do have moments of worry.

Last night was game night - normally we average 4 or 5 members. We had about 10 of us at the house last night. We played various games. People staying later than normal and celebrating because Ike has given us a day off.

Here's a picture of Greg, during a game of Coyote. We played a lot of different games last night - including the inevitable 'Rock Band' video game playing on the big screen tv upstairs.

This is actually my first ever Hurricane so I am a little apprehensive - I'm coping by cooking (as usual)Here's the stir fry. I made sure that there are leftovers that can be reheated on the gas stove if we lose electricity. It has been interesting watching the people in the grocery stores....they are bulk buying the craziest items and fighting over staples. I decided rather than fight my way through the crowd for an overpriced loaf of tasteless bread, I would bake.

Here's the Olive Oil Bread waiting to go in the oven. It's cooking as I type this, the smell in the kitchen is wonderful even as it gets slightly cloudy outside.

Oops the oven timer just beeped - so I stopped blogging to get the bread out of the oven. How's this for a loaf :)

No sign of the storm yet - the waiting is the worst.

More updates later!

Praying for Ike?

I'm in a prayer quandary.

I leave on Sunday afternoon to fly to Tucson for part one of my Spiritual Director Training. I've been looking forward to this for months and the classes all look excellent. For a detailed class list click here.

However Hurricane Ike is coming and could potentially delay my flights.

Part of me wants to pray that Ike will miss Houston and hit far enough away so that my plans don't get delayed.

I can't do that.

I know that wherever Ike hits there is going to be damage, so I can't pray that God will protect me and my plans by sending the damage to some other part of the State. Their will probably be people praying there too. Why should God heed my prayer more than theirs? About all I can pray for is that Ike either dissipates or makes landfall at the place that causes the least damage to persons and property. What I really need is a totally barren coastline and inland area that I can prayerfully direct Ike towards!

Apparently on KSBJ the local Christian Radio station this morning, the DJ was asking listeners to pray that Hurricane Ike would head to Mexico (I did not personally hear this, though one of my work colleagues did).

It saddens me that a Christian DJ would make that statement on air. Surely Mexico doesn't want a Hurricane any more than we do!

It reminded me of this video from the Onion.

Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To The South

Spaghetti Cat!

Apparently this is a 'Bleep Photo' - here's what the spokesperson said:

"What you saw was our new bleep photo. When someone says something inappropriate we're going to use something like that. You're going to see a lot more of those in the future."

BIZARRE!

Channelling Mrs. Lovett?

In the musical Sweeney Todd, Mrs. Lovett declares that she makes 'The Worst Pies in London'

"These are probably the worst pies in London.
I know why nobody cares to take them!
I should know!
I make them!
But good? No...The worst pies in London...
Even that's polite!
The worst pies in London!
If you doubt it take a bite!
Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!"

Well I might be giving Mrs Lovett a run for her money.

I blogged here about my problems with pastry. Well I decided that I would tackle it head on for Labor Day.

Labor Day 2007 was a day of creative cookery adventures, that led to the creation of one of my favourite blog entries which you can read here.

Labor Day 2008 was a little calmer. It began with Pie Filling -
This is a mix of Potatoes, Green Onions, Cheese and Sour Cream. A slight adaptation from another one of Nigella Lawson's recipes. Well the filling was made fine, and I made the pastry exactly as the recipe called for. On Saturday I used the Food Processor for it, but this time (after a comment in Nigella that I missed before) I used the Kitchen Aid food mixer with the flat panel.

I chilled the pastry for 20 minutes as per the instructions and then began to roll it out.

And that's where the 'fun' began. To give myself credit it wasn't as bad as Saturday's pastry, but it was still pretty unmanageable.

The first pie wasn't too bad, but as I had to keep gathering up scraps and re-rolling it slowly got worse. Eventually I had four pies ready for the oven. The trouble was the recipe claimed it made eight! How I could have rolled out the pastry thin enough to make crusts for eight pies I have no idea. It was falling apart on me as it was so some serious mushing and squidging took place.

Well here are the 4 pies hot out of the oven - even the first pie that I made seem to suffer from some swelling and then sinkage causing the pastry to distort.

Still served with a green salad they were fine.

I also made up a batch of Bakewell Slices. This is a variant of the Bakewell Tart (which I was amazed to discover has an entry in Wikipedia) and is one of my favourites from the U.K.

After eating a couple of slices last night I bought the tray in to share with my work colleagues. They were very appreciative, esp. the Senior Pastor who made it through five servings :)

Adventures in Pastry

Pastry and I have this interesting relationship.

Sometimes it comes together great as in the Turkey and Ham Pie I made on Boxing Day.

From Christmas 2007

And at other times it's more of a challenge.

Yesterday was one of those 'Other Times' :(

I was making Pizza Rustica All'inglese from 'How To Be A Domestic Goddess' by Nigella Lawson.

It's basically a full pie with a pizza type filling. Well my filling was wonderful, (a mixture of ground bacon, ground pork, cheese, green onion and seasoning) but my pastry was being very uncooperative yesterday. It wouldn't roll out without splitting :( I added extra moisture when I needed too, and added extra flour when I needed too but it still was a challenge.

I eventually baked the pie and it came out looking like this.

It really was a real pain to make, though the spring form pan definitely helped.

I do have to say that the smell of it baking was wonderful and made the kitchen feel all nice and cosy, and it sliced beautifully.

The cold leftovers are supposed to be delicious too - I'll find out today.

I'm not sure if it was worth the level of labor intensiveness, maybe if I keep practicing my pastry it will get easier :)

Are these the Electric Sheep that androids dream of?

A very impressive use for old telephones!

Who Jesus Isn't

I've posted this a year ago at my old blog, but it bears repeating here because it's so funny.



It's very interesting to think about all the things that Jesus wasn't, that the church seems to be. Republican. Rich. Prejudiced.

Or consider this song by Martyn Joseph

"He Never Said"

A Tale of Two Meals

I've been watching a lot of a British Cooking show called Two Fat Ladies recently. One show they made a very interesting dish with Salmon that I decided to duplicate as I want to try and eat more fish in my diet.
Here is the salmon fillet, resting on a bed of orange slices, poaching lightly in red wine with a covering of more orange slices. (Poach the salmon 3/4 covered, I just took the lid off for a better photo.) The recipe also called for a little nutmeg which seemed odd, but I decided to do what it said. The kitchen smelled very Christmassy!
Served with a nice salad! Yummo!

On Friday I stopped in a store called Ten Thousand Villages
It's a wonderful store full of fairly traded goods. I picked up a new cook book called 'The World of Street Food' One recipe that caught my eye was a Tunisian Tagine

I was familiar with the Moroccan Tagine which is a stew cooked in a specially shaped pot with a conical lid, but not the Tunisian Tagine which is very different and almost resembles a Fritata.

I first made a ragout from Onions, chicken, tomato paste, cannellini beans, breadcrumbs, cheese. Paprika and Cinnamon.

That was then put in a baking dish and had beaten eggs poured over it and placed in the oven for about 25 minutes.

Served with a green salad - very yummy (though I would maybe omit the cinnamon next time as it seemed to overpower the taste)

Hanging out in Houston

My friend Michael has been here visiting the past few days. So we were hitting the high spots.

Coffee Shops.

Breakfasts.

Galveston.

Houston Zoo.

Boardgames.

Here are some fun pics.

(Click on the pics to see them Full Size)

Why Men and Women do different Gymnastic Routines!

I haven't watched a single second of the Olympics, but a friend sent me these clips and I thought they were hilarious.

1) If men did the same floor routine as women.



2) If men competed on the asymetric bars.


3) If men competed on the beam.

Spiritual Where's Waldo

In the popular 'Where's Waldo?' books, Waldo is always in plain site on the page, but there is so much other distracting stuff around him that he's difficult to locate. There may be other people that look like him in the picture, and you might only be able to see a part of Him and he might look different to what you anticipate.
In the Contemplative Service yesterday we talked about God's presence in our lives. There are certain places that people go to where they say they encounter God. Beaches, Mountains, Churches etc can all be possible places.
There are other places we go to that are just part of our everyday existence. The grocery store, the office, the kitchen etc. Most of the time in those places we are not particularly mindful of God, but we believe he is there even if we do not experience him.
There are still other places that we find it very difficult to imagine God being present at all. These are normally defined by moral judgements we might make regarding the location.
Something in us says that 'For God to be in those places is an outrage.' We may make a theological leap to say that yes God is there, but we believe God is frowning and judging.

The bible seems very clear that we cannot get away from the presence of the Divine. Take Psalm 139:7-12 for example:

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute— you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself,
"Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light,
they're all the same to you.

Wherever we go, God is already there.

I believe that theologically, but sometimes it is difficult to see.

Friday evening I was out to dinner with Steve when one of our friends drunk dialed him. We were rather concerned and eventually found out that he was at a Strip Joint in town. We drove over there to get him and brought him back home and put him to bed - it was quite an adventure.

I was praying on the drive over that he would be aware of God's presence in the midst of the Strip Club, and that God would keep him safe. I found myself asking the question that we have asked the Contemplative congregation to sit with this week: "Where are you present in this moment, God?". The simple answer came back to me that God was present in that moment because Steve and I were there to take care of him.

That's a nice simple answer, and it gives me a nice 'warm' feeling, but it raises the question 'If Steve and I had not shown up would God have been absent?' It seems arrogant to suggest that I would have to be in a place for God to be there!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I drive to the strip club, you're there!
If I drink myself under the table, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings to the far corner of my misery,
You'd find me in a minute— you're already there waiting!

No matter where any of us may go, God is already there waiting.

The problem is, I'm having trouble 'seeing' him in some situations. It's like playing 'Spiritual Where's Waldo'. Waldo is hard to see because so many other people look similar, and often you can only see part of him in a different position to how he normally is.

Maybe that's the key here.

My presuppositions of how God 'looks' and 'acts' get in the way of me seeing him in some situations. Every person in the strip club is made in the image of God and reflects Him somehow. My presuppositions and judgements make that image even harder to find.

The challenge is to keep looking.

So, let's spend the week asking ourselves 'Where are you present in this moment, God?' and hopefully He/She will surprise us.

I'm a backing singer with the band

This guy is giving a concert this sunday night at my church, and I'm one of the six backing vocalists.

You ought to hear him hit the High C at the end of this song. Incredible!

Dvd cases as art.

Whilst trying to decide how to store and display DVDs Steve and I found these cool storage racks at Ikea. This is a lot cooler than shelves. Now the DVDs form art :)

(The slight curvature on the pic is caused by my cell phone camera.)

Never Read Poetry Before Breakfast

Never read poetry before breakfast
The pre-caffinated brain has not erected its defenses
In its post-slumber lethargy it transforms
a poet's vision into a template for living

Never read poetry before breakfast
or on your morning commute you will suddenly notice
the butter-drenched glory of the morning sun
you may be distracted
by the hypnotic rhythm and cadence of language
as captured in your morning emails
The reheated familiarity of your leftovers
may explode like fireworks on your tongue

If you absolutely must read poetry
handle it with care.
T.S. Eliot should only be read on a lush green hillside
overlooking an idyllic flower-laden landscape
Only attempt Wilfred Owen whilst in the velvet embrace of the blackest thunder storm
And if you are an amateur literary enthusiast
Do not, I repeat do not tackle Mary Oliver's beautiful word chisels
Lest your palisades crumble
letting her red bird haunt your daily existence
And her imaginary deer roam through your afternoons.

Never, never read poetry before breakfast
It will ruin your whole day

Hungry like the wolf!

Today is National Duran Duran Appreciation day!


How are you celebrating?

Fun With Breakfast Food

Why did I never think of creative pancake eating before.....I could start a new artistic culinary trend!

Half-full of Sound and Fury and Signifying Nothing!

Eduard blew into town yesterday.

The picture makes him look like a fairly mean swirly dude, but the reality was one huge anticlimax. It was fun seeing the manic shoppers in Kroger thinking that the Apocalypse was on its way, thinking they could survive if they bought 100 cans of tuna fish. What surprised me was that about 1 hour before the storm was due to hit, I did a quick run to the store to buy yeast (everyone needs yeast to survive a storm right) and there was a massive line at the donut shop!

There's nothing like hot sugary baked goods to sustain you through the end of the world - or maybe they were just buying them for there flotation properties.

Saddest of all were the weathermen who were obviously crestfallen that Eduard could barely blow over a plastic garden chair. I saw one clip where the camera crew were focused on a puddle in a Wal-Mart parking lot!!! Now that is quality news reporting.

The church offices were closed just in case, so I spent a large portion of my day reading books for my spiritual direction class. I finally finished the first one on Ignatian Spirituality - which started off promising but got very dry, and I've just started The Practice of Spiritual Direction.

My two new words for the day (courtesy of the new book) were 'Kataphatic' and 'Apophatic'- words so uncommon that Merriam Webster online doesn't have them.

So after reading, I got on to my next task of the day - baking (hence the need for fresh yeast)

We have a choir potluck tonight and I was requested to make my Blue Cheese and Walnut Bread for it. It's a yummy loaf, but as you can imagine it is fairly time consuming to shape and bake, so the Eduard served me well there.

I also threw together a quick chicken and shrimp stir fry.

I've always had trouble with leftover rice clumping. This time I spread the leftover rice out to cool and then put in in a Ziploc baggy. When it came time to stir fry I just massaged the baggy to break up any clumps. The stir fry came out very very yummy!

I then closed out the day by watching 3 movies.

1) A Home at the End of the World - Colin Farrell did an excellent job.

2) Running With Scissors - very confusing compared to the book.

3) Bride and Prejudice - Jane Austen reimagined as a Bollywood musical!

It was a good day - thank you Eduard!

A strange job for a church musician!

I spent most of today listening repeatedly to a cover version of
'I Want to Know What Love Is' so that I could transcribe the backing vocal parts onto manuscript paper so our church choir can sing it!!!!!!

I get paid for this??????


Here's the original video for your viewing pleasure, so grab your honey and lets slow dance!