Hunting for the Skallagrigg

I first encountered the book 'Skallagrigg' in the late 80s when it came out in paperback. I can vividly remember finishing it for the first time. I was riding on a train back to London from Nottingham, and as I reached the final pages I was sitting there, tears streaming down my face.

I have lost track of how many times I have read the book now, I know I have read it more times than any other work of fiction. It never fails to move me.

The back of the book says:

Skallagrigg unites Arthur, a little boy abandoned many years ago in a grim hospital in northern England, with Esther, a radiantly intelligent young girl who is suffering from cerebral palsy, and with Daniel, an American computer-games genius.

Skallagrigg - whatever the name signifies, whoever he is - will come to transform all their lives. And William Horwood's inspired, heart-rending story of rescue and redemptive love will undoubtedly touch your life too.

I just finished reading the novel again, and I allowed myself to sit upstairs and gently weep. The first time I read the book I think it brought me to tears only once. I was younger then and very trained at denying my emotions expression - one of the 'benefits' of growing up in the U.K. when I did.

This last reading reduced me to tears many times, but not tears of pity for the characters, but tears of recognition, of finding myself within the pages.

This quote has stayed with me this time (from page 718)

Life is usually a self-made maze whose walls are fears and prejudice, a maze through which there is no perfect route, whose final stages demand acceptance of weakness, not display of strength. Where you must accept that one day your child may lean over and take the spoon from your hand, without your having the strength to resist. In the end strength lies in acceptance, hope is in truth not fantasy: peace cannot be in craving, but in the giving up of desire.

A strong thread of contemplative Christian Spirituality flows through this book and William Horwood's later works 'The Duncton Chronicles' which I also made sure I brought with me from the U.K. and read constantly.

I sit here right now, dried tear stains on my face. Aware of God's incredible grace and my own limitations. I am emotionally drained, and yet I am at peace, because I have found the Skallagrigg.

South Pacific

This lyric is from the show 'South Pacific' by Rogers and Hammerstein.

When the movie version was being filmed the Producers tried to get them to cut this song from the show for fear it might be offensive and alienate some people.

Hammerstein refused because he believed this song encapsulated the core message of the show.

You've Got To Be Carefully Taught

You've got to be taught to hate and fear
You've got to be taught from year to year
It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made
And people whose skin is a different shade
You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught before it's too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You've got to be carefully taught

Rodgers And Hammerstein - South Pacific

Games Played and Weight Update

There really is no weight update - I haven't been losing because I haven't been exercising. I'm in a holding pattern right now. I keep meaning to get back into it, but I'm too good at finding excuses.

So on to the games!

With going to Gen Con this past month it was a good time for games. I totalled up 48 plays of 34 different games.

So what were the highlights?

The Hanging Gardens - a game I tried at the convention that has seen a lot of plays since. It's easy to teach, has some interesting decisions, and plays in under 45 mins so it is a good filler.

Dice Town - this was a game that I wanted to demo to see if I would buy. I enjoyed it enough to purchase it. It's a poker dice rolling fun fest. There's not a lot you can do to mess with other players, but the delicious joy of rolling 3 aces on your final turn to shut another player out, is wondrously palpable :)

Livingstone - exploring the jungle on the way to Victoria Falls. A clever dice mechanism coupled with a push your luck precious gem mine and creative scoring made this a must by.

Tales of the Arabian Nights - do you remember the 'Choose Your Own Adventure Books'? This is like one of those gone crazy. At every encounter you have about 8 different choices to decide between that all lead you somewhere different. It is a game, in that you do have a winner, but it's more about the fun tales that develop as you travel around the board. It goes to 6 people, but I think it would be too slow with a group that large. We played with 3 and it was perfect. It's a great rainy day game, and not nearly as complex as it appears at first glance.

Looking at my stats for the year so far, we have a clear winner with 21 plays:

Dominion - we picked up the expansion for this game this month, so I don't anticipate it being knocked away from winning position this year...unless something really incredible comes along!

Raspberry Cheesecake Ice Cream

There are some recipes that I actively try to find, Chocolate Brie En Croute being my latest search (I'll let you know how it tastes after I've been brave enough to make it!). Then there are other recipes that seem to find me. I read various food blogs, and, because people know my cooking passion I frequently get recipes sent to me.

Raspberry Cheesecake Ice Cream was a recipe that I linked to from a blog that I linked to from a blog that I read(!) I'm not a huge raspberry fan, but the combination sounded decadent - and it is. I should hasten to add that it is an easy decadent. Making ice cream can be a complex affair with egg custards that might burn and having to have sinks of ice handy to ward off threats of curdling.

No such problems with this recipe.

I did use my trusty Krups Ice Cream Maker, but to be honest I think you could make this without.

8oz cream cheese, softened.
14oz can sweetened condensed milk
2 cups half and half
Juice of 1 lemon
1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
12oz frozen raspberries (no need to thaw)
1/2 cup sugar

Beat the cream cheese with an electric mixer. On low speed, carefully add sweetened condensed milk, half and half, lemon, and vanilla until thoroughly blended.

Combine the raspberries and sugar in a bowl, keep cold until needed.

Put the cream cheese mix into the ice cream maker and freeze according to the manufacturers instructions.

When the ice cream is almost solid swirl in the raspberry mixture.

If you do not have an ice cream maker then put the cream cheese mix in a freezer proof container and freeze for an hour. Remove, stir and then freeze again. Do this a couple of times before adding the raspberries and sugar.

It's as easy as that!

10 Biblical ways to find a wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her
head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.Then she's yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
Benjamites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib. --Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman.Then,work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.
(It's not just a good idea, it's the law.)
Onan and Boaz (Deteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

10. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (I Kings 11:1-3)

This is why I drink Tea!

Giving Sandwiches a Quick Zip!

I ran across this recipe in the August edition of Cooking Light magazine, it's so good it's actually got me eating raw celery, something I normally abhor!

1/2 cup whipped cream cheese
1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese
2 tablespoons finely chopped celery
1 1/2 teaspoons chopped fresh chives.

Mix all of the above together and use it as a spread for sandwiches. I recommend spreading it on a nice baguette and then topping it with cooked chicken breast, sliced roma tomatoes and salad greens.

Delicious and quick!

Free-fall

Compared to an eternity spent wherever you spend eternity, this life is nothing but a short free-fall…..

“Ready…….Ready……wait for it……Green Light!….Go! Go! Go!” The first few moments were a blur of noise as I pushed myself out into the dirty blue nothingness. Tumbling. Falling end over end, limbs flapping wildly in the noisy rush of wind. Panic began to arise in my throat and I grasped desperately at something; anything that could give me a bearing in my ever-shifting surroundings, but of course I found nothing. Oh I knew where ‘down’ was, I had no doubt which way my ultimate demise lay, but was I plummeting headfirst? Feet first? Would I see my end rushing towards me or would it slam into my back – coming as a complete surprise? For all my bravado before I threw myself into nothingness I desperately wanted to know. How long did I have left? Suddenly the length of time before I was embraced by ground zero was all-important, but the dials on my altimeter were spinning so fast it was impossible to get a reading.

Could I slow my descent, postpone the inevitable? I began to claw the sky, trying to swim in the air currents that I was drowning in. As I fell my heart rate rose, my breathing began to race faster; thoughts bombarded my brain echoing my outer turmoil. Could I survive impact? Does anyone? Does it hurt? Will I see it coming? Can I prevent it? Why me? If impact is inevitable why fight? Wouldn’t it be better to tuck my arms in and speed my descent into oblivion?

“There are other options you know”

I spun wildly trying to work out where the voice came from. Was the thought of imminent death sending me insane? As far as I could tell no one else had thrown themselves out of the plane so I was alone in my tumbling.

“I’m right behind you. Can’t you feel the straps?”

I reached up to my shoulders and explored. Two strips of webbing came from the top of my back, over my shoulders and then down tight beneath my armpits. A backpack?

“A Parachute. Everyone automatically gets a parachute before they leave the plane whether they request one or not. Scholars call it prevenient grace, but I just think it is a good idea.”

“But….but…..” I stammered. The difficulty of forming whole sentences while plummeting to your death was compounded by the fact that I was conversing with a talking parachute. “I thought the Eternal Parachute was a myth, most experts who have studied Free-fall claim that you don’t exist”.

“Oh what do those Jump Philosophers know?” the parachute said in a voice that sounded like the rustle of cotton. “They only talk about jumping but they haven’t experienced it themselves so all their talk is just that; talk.”

A sudden down draft sent me spiraling end over end and I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as the parachute suddenly spoke with a stronger, more authoritative voice.

“Right. Let’s stop that spinning; you’ll never be able to think straight if you want to throw up. Spread your arms and legs out and arch your back. Allow your body to stream in the wind. There. That’s better.”

The calm power of the parachute’s voice helped to quell my panic. Coupled with a decrease of fear and a lack of spinning I began to enjoy the fall.

“You know this is kinda fun. It’s almost exhilarating. I can see for miles, everything looks so small.”

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted some movement on the rapidly approaching ground. Without thinking I gestured with my left arm and began a sudden swoop sideways.

“Wow! That was great. Just like flying.”

I began to swoop and dive. I discovered that by moving my arms and legs in different combinations I could execute spins and rolls. This was a lot of fun.

“Excuse me….”

I began to try more complicated maneuvers enjoying the pull of the G forces on my body.

“Excuse me…..”

I shouted aloud in pleasure. I never dreamed that free falling could be so much fun. I never wanted this to end; I could enjoy this feeling forever.

“EXCUSE ME!”

The parachute rustled angrily in my ear.

“I know that from up here the ground seems a relatively small thing, but it is getting larger all the time, so don’t you think that you had better prepare for its arrival?!”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked, slightly angry that the parachute would disturb my fun.

“See that ring that’s attached by a cord to your chest? Just pull that right now and I will take care of everything.”

“Really? That’s all I have to do? You don’t need me to flap or assume a particular position or something else like that?”

“No.” Said the chute. “Just pull that cord, I will open and you can float gently down to ground level..”

“You’ll open? But if you open I won’t be able to swoop and dive anymore will I? What fun will I be able to have then? Can’t I wait just a bit longer?”

I emphasized my point by executing a Triple Barrel Roll. I was getting good at this.

“Trust me.” Said the chute. “I’ve seen millions of people safely through their jump. Now is the time to pull your cord. Don’t put it off.”

“Surely I can wait a little bit, I really don’t want to be restricted by you more than absolutely necessary.”

“NOW IS THE TIME TO PULL YOUR CORD!”

I decided to try a different track.

“You know,” I said slyly. “Many people say that hitting the ground is an integral part of the free fall experience. I really ought to experience everything that this fall has to offer, after all I only get to do it once you know, it would be a shame to waste it because I was afraid.”

“PULL YOUR CORD!”

“I’ve also heard it said that the ground is really just an illusion, a transition into another state of serene bliss; but you can only achieve this bliss if you hit the ground full force so you can break through into this new Nirvana.”

“Look I was right about how to stop yourself spinning wasn’t I. Why should I lie to you about this?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you have got ulterior motives or something like that. Maybe you are just a killjoy. How should I know what prompts a parachute to do what it does. I’m not a genius I’m just a jumper who is enjoying himself and doesn’t want the fun to end.”

“Look. I am trying to save your life. PULL YOUR CORD!”

“I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

I thought and I thought and I fell and I fell and I thought and I fell and I swooped and I dived and I thought and I fell and I……….

Music and Lyrics

Who would have though that
three pitches
oscillating at complimentary wavelengths
separated by seven half-steps
could communicate eternity through harmony.

Who would have guessed that
sixteen syllables
grafted onto a melody
forced to conform to rhythm and pitch
could become the voice of the divine.

Parking Outside the Lines

Full marks for creativity,

but the driver does not play well with others.

This was Urinetown

It was over a year ago, but here are some pics from the production of Urinetown that I was in at Houston Community college Southwest last summer. I played Caldwell B. Cladwell and had a great time.

to see more pics click here.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Homesick?

I'm feeling a bit wistful today.

Wistful, according to Merriam Webster, means full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy. I had just finished my grocery shopping and I decided to have a quick browse at the British Food Aisle. I rarely buy anything because a) the import prices are too expensive and b) they rarely have what I am longing for, but the items on display did start me yearning for things from my past.

So what am I yearning for today?

Barretts Fish and Chips - They aren't the best, but they were my local 'chippie' for all the time I lived in Norwich. It's a familiar comforting taste and smell.

Toffypops - ahh the glorious guilt of eating just one and then discovering you have 'scarfed' down the entire packet.

The Norfolk Coastline - There is a wonderful smell at the coast - a mixture of salt and fish. Combine that with the cry of the sea gulls and a cool breeze and it is just wonderful.

Public Buses - I miss riding on the bus, I miss the noise, the convenience, even the complaining when it doesn't arrive on time. I miss the running late at night to catch the last bus home. I can count on one hand the number of times I have ridden the bus in the U.S.

To explain the pic above, it was taken in my hometown of Norwich. Underneath the city there are a large number of Medieval Chalk Mines. The weight of the buses on the Unthank Road over many years caused the road to sink and the bus slid into it. In the U.K. we have a candy bar called a 'Double Decker', their advertising campaign? 'Nothing fills a hole like a double decker'!!!

English Sausages - Just about every butcher had their own blend of meat and spices. American sausage just doesn't taste the same, I like it (esp. in a bacon explosion), it's just different.

Going 'down the city' - Norwich Town Center is like one big open air shopping mall. You can wonder around for hours looking into the shops, browsing the market. Odds are you would run into somebody you would know. Houston does not really have a pedestrianized center, going to the Mall just doesn't feel the same.

Well that's what immediately springs to mind, I'm sure there are a lot more things if I sat and reflected.

Merriam Webster defines 'Homesick' as follows: longing for home and family while absent from them. I don't think I'm homesick, Houston feels like home to me now. I'm not missing family, I do a great job of staying connected to my family in the U.K. and I have a wonderful 'family' here in the U.S. now.

Every item that I've listed above, and the many more that I could name are doorways into memories, doorways that don't see much traffic now that they are no longer easily accessible. But just typing and reflecting has helped oil the hinges, and often the memory of something is better than the real thing....though one of Barretts battered deep fried pineapple rings would be lovely right now.

Words of Eternal Life?

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

John 6:67-68

The above quote is part of a longer discourse about Jesus speaking difficult teachings. Peter's response is one that I have quoted to myself in those dark days when I have wanted to throw in the towel on Christianity and become a practicing Hedonist - or possibly a member of the 'Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster' as I hear they have awesome Potluck Suppers.

But this time was different, instead of hearing an implied 'if you change your interpretation of Christianity you are on a fast track to Hell', this time I heard a simple question. What have been words of Eternal Life for you?

The phrase that immediately came to mind was 'Always remember that you are much loved'. The source of this quote was the series of books 'Duncton Wood' by author William Horwood. The books are an exploration of Faith and the clash of Dogmatism vs Contemplative Life.

I've always been moved by William Horwood's writing, the Duncton Series and his novel Skallagrigg are ones that I never tire of reading. When I moved to the U.S. I made sure I included all of them in my suitcase. But why does a quote from a fictional series about the lives of moles come to mind when I think about words of eternal life?

Remembering we are loved, no matter what messages the world, our circumstances, our past, our self, and even our faith shouts at us is one way that we can bring life into whatever hellish circumstances we may find ourselves in. Many of the interwoven stories in 'Duncton Wood' are brutal, but the moles make it through by remembering that they are loved.

Writer Henri Nouwen's core message was that we are the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God. Nothing is strong enough to take away that identity from us, and that we need to do nothing to claim it, it is interwoven into our very D.N.A.

'Always remember that you are much loved' are words that pour life into me.

What words pour Eternal life into you?
What life giving words have you spoken to others this week?

Cheap Hotel Cooking!

You know a Gaming Convention is in town when...

...you walk into a restaurant and all the tables are large groups of heavyset men all wearing graphic tee shirts in various shades of black.

... a woman turns up at the hotel free breakfast buffet wearing a kimono, kitten ears and a furry tail and she is carrying a samuri sword (possibly for slicing bagels?)

...conversation overheard on the street #1 "...and then in 1930 he exploded his doomsday device and destroyed all of downtown Chicago"

...conversation overheard on the street #2 "...and it's generally assumed that everyone with psychic abilities has telekinesis."


...at the hotel check-in desk they have Jenga set up 'just to make you feel welcome'

...the man on the airport shuttle bus introduces himself and launches into a discussion on 'The Emergence of Game Mechanics as an aid to the Narrative'

The Bacon Explosion

There are some recipes that will always be around, roast chicken, omlettes etc. Then there are others that suddenly become trendy and then dissapear, I remember when every dessert I was served for about 6 months was Tiramasu!

There is a third catagory of recipes, ones that have become urban legends. You may have had them emailed to you, but you don't know many people who have actually made them......

...except me.

5 minute chocolate cake

Dishwasher Lasagna

The Burrito that should never be

and my latest forray into forbidden territory -

The Bacon Explosion (or as Greg named it, the Death Log)

I served the Bacon Explosion with some rather evil mashed potatoes heavily laden with cream and butter, and God saw that it was good - and my Nutritionist shuddered.

So, here is the creation of this wonder meal in all its glory, bon appetite!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Behold the Power of the Pentatonic!

Behold the Power of the Pentatonic!

Dona Eis Requiem!

(A page of Mozart's Requiem)

A Requiem is normally a prayer for eternal rest....mine has caused more work :)

I am ecstatic to announce that my Requiem will be performed by the Rice Chorale on 9/11 at 8pm in Stude Concert Hall at Rice University.

This is wonderful news, but has created some extra work. My Requiem has been performed as part of a worship service, however there is a difference between what 'works' in a worship service and what works in a concert hall. I am currently rewriting portions, changing some lyrics and rewriting some of the music. Sections that were performed by chorus are now becoming solos, and extra solos are being written too.

I am also adding other instruments into the mix. I am scoring the work for voices, Piano, Flute, Clarinet and Bassoon. This means instrumental parts have to be assigned, and in some cases new introductions and transitional music are being written.

Imagine taking a wonderful tiled picture, scrambling it up, adding some extra tiles, and recreating an embellished version of the original with a lot greater detail ~ that's what I'm doing, and as rehearsals start at the end of August I have a very tight deadline to get it done.

Throw in the fact that I am away some of next week at Gen Con and you shouldn't be surprised if my blog doesn't get updated as often as usual!

If you have a chance to make the performance, it would be wonderful to see you - it's free :)

Lemon Layer Cake

Not for the faint of heart!

Recipe from ‘Behind the Scenes with America’s Test Kitchen’

The filling can be made a day ahead and refrigerated, but it will become quite stiff; fold it with a rubber spatula to loosen it before spreading it on the cake. Leftover cake can be stored covered in the refrigerator, with the cut side of the cake covered tightly with plastic wrap, for up to three days.



Lemon Curd Filling

1 cup juice from about 6 lemons
1 teaspoon powdered gelatin
1½ cups sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
4 large eggs
6 large egg yolks (reserve the whites for cake)
1 stick unsalted butter, cut into ½ inch cubes and frozen

Cake

2¼ cups cake flour, plus extra for the pans
1 cup whole milk, room temperature
6 large egg whites, room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1¾ cups sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1½ sticks unsalted butter, cut into 12 pieces, softened but still cool

Icing

2 large egg whites
1 cup sugar
¼ cup water
1 tablespoon juice from 1 lemon
1 tablespoon corn syrup


1. FOR THE FILLING: Measure 1 tablespoon of the lemon juice into a small bowl; sprinkle the gelatin over the top. Heat the remaining lemon juice, the sugar, and salt in a medium nonreactive saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is hot but not boiling. Whisk the eggs and the yolks in a large nonreactive bowl. Whisking constantly, slowly pour in the hot lemon-sugar mixture into the eggs, then return the mixture to the saucepan. Cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly with a heatproof spatula, until the mixture registers 170 degrees on an instant read thermometer and is thick enough to leave a trail when the spatula is scraped along the pan bottom, 4 to 6 minutes. Immediately remove the pan from the heat and stir in the gelatin mixture until dissolved. Stir in the frozen butter until incorporated. Pour the filling through a fine-mesh strainer into a nonreactive bowl (you should have 3 cups). Cover the surface directly with plastic wrap; refrigerate until firm enough to spread, at least 4 hours.

2. FOR THE CAKE: Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 350F. Grease and flour two 9 x2 round cake pans and line with parchment paper. In a 2-cup measure or medium bowl, whisk together the milk, egg whites and vanilla.

3. In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt at low speed. With the mixer running at low speed, add the butter one piece at a time; continue beating until the mixture resembles moist crumbs with no visible butter chunks. Add all but ½ cup of the milk mixture to the crumbs and beat at medium speed until the mixture is pale and fluffy, about 1 ½ minutes. With the mixer running at low speed, add the remaining ½ cup milk mixture; increase the speed to medium and beat for 30 seconds more. Stop the mixer and scrape the sides of the bowl. Return the mixer to medium and beat for 20 seconds longer. Divide the batter evenly between the cake pans; using a rubber spatula, spread the batter to the pan walls and smooth the tops.

4. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cakes comes out clean, 23 to 25 minutes. Loosen the cakes from the sides of the pans with a small knife, cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then invert onto a greased wire rack; peel off the parchment. Invert the cakes again; cool completely on the rack, about 1 1/2 hours.

5. TO ASSEMBLE: Use a serrated knife to cut each cake into 2 even layers. Place the bottom layer of one cake on a cardboard round or cake plate. Using an icing spatula spread 1 cup of the lemon filling evenly on the cake leaving a ½-inch border around the edge, using a cardboard round, gently replace the top layer. Spread 1 cup of filling on top. Using the cardboard round, gently slide the bottom half of the second cake into place. Spread the remaining cup of filling on top. Using the cardboard round, replace the top layer of the second cake. Smooth out any filling that has leaked from the sides of the cake; cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate while making the icing.

6. FOR THE ICING: Combine all the ingredients in a large heatproof bowl and set over a medium saucepan filled with 1 inch of barely simmering water (do not let the bowl touch the water). Cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture registers 160 degrees on an instant-read thermometer, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove the bowl from the heat and transfer the mixture to a standing fitted with a whisk attachment. Beat on medium speed until soft peaks from, about 5 minutes. Increase the speed to medium-high and continue to beat until the mixture has cooled to room temperature and stiff peaks form, 5 minutes longer. Ice the cake and serve.

'Avenue Q' meets 'Fiddler on the Roof'

Do not watch if easily offended!

Very Inspiring and Moving - worth the time to watch.

Weight Update and Boardgame News

John Michael Montgomery sang 'Life's a Dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow', well weight loss is similar. I've been doing the Two Pound Two Step most of this month, my weight fluctuating more than a freshman's GPA. I've finished the month 3 lbs higher than where I finished last month...and I'm o.k. with that. I said in my last update that I find myself obsessing about weight loss and so I took the last week off, well that mini vacation somehow morphed into a month long hiatus. I've been watching my input, but I haven't been exercising so my weight has not declined.

I will get back into exercising again, I think some of it is the hotter weather, I don't like getting hot and sweaty, I'm a little bored with my work out dvd and it's too hot to go out walking.

Anyway enough excuses, onto the games played this last month.

I set a new personal best this month - 38 games played, and 20 different games.

(Maybe all this game playing is why I haven't been exercising.)

Dominion is still top with 7 games played. It's appeal hasn't dimmed yet and as the first expansion is now available I don't see its charms dwindling anytime soon.

Chains of Fenrir makes a surprise appearance. It's a quick abstract game that uses lots of glass beads. You can learn it in just a few minutes but it has some interesting challenges to it. It reminds me a little bit of the game of Nim that we used to play with coins or stones when I was a child.

Travel Blokus also made its first appearance of the year and garnered 5 plays.

Back in May I finally entered a new level of geekdom by ordering 2 games from a small publisher in Germany. This marked the first time I paid international shipping simply to purchase a game! The company was a delight to work with, I cannot say the same for the U.S. postal service however. The package was shipped DHL to the U.S, but as DHL no longer make domestic U.S. deliveries it was transferred to the local postal service who promptly managed to 'mislay' the package and then demanded extra postage for delivery purposes even though they didn't deliver it! I eventually tracked it down at the local post office, paid the extra money and obtained the games. I notified the German company just so that they would know that there are problems with their U.S. shipping.

They immediately apologized and sent me a refund equal to the extra amount of shipping I had to pay - plus a little bit extra for my trouble! How's that for customer service!!!

So what was this mysterious game?

Well the game I wanted was Die Aufsteiger

It's a very interesting race to climb as high as possible up an ever shifting tower. We've had three plays so far and I really like it. It's pleasing to play and looks great. I can't wait to play in public somewhere and see what kind of crowd it draws.

The game is solid wood so the shipping was heavy! I didn't want to pay shipping on just one game so I also ordered Neue Heimat from the same company. This is a real estate development game, again with wonderful wooden pieces. We've only played it once so far and I don't think we've given it a fair enough crack of the whip yet.

One of the draw backs of having so many games, is that we get very good at learning new games, but not so good at developing strategies for existing games. We've tried combating that by having a 'Game of the Month' - one game that we were guaranteed to play every week in the midst of all the others, but that kind of fell by the wayside.

I think that's why Dominion has proven so popular. We are able to play it quickly and have gotten good at formulating different strategies very quickly, and there always seem to be time for just one more round where we can try a different tactic.

August is going to be an interesting month for games. Steve and I are off to Gen Con in Indianapolis, so I should get a lot of gaming in and hopefully get exposed to a lot more new games to add to my collection (and then only play once every few months!)

The three of Me

So many people have tagged me on this on facebook I figured I'd respond just so I don't keep getting asked!


Three names I go by:
1. Peter
2. Pete
3. (sorry to be so boring)

Three Jobs I have had in my life
1. Warehouse Packer
2. Agricultural Insurance Underwriter
3. Special Needs Learning Assistant

Three Places I have lived
1. Bratislava, Slovakia
2. Solihull, U.K.
3. Lubbock, Texas

Three Favorite drinks
1. Hot Tea with milk and sugar
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Margaritas

Three TV Shows that I watch
1. Mad Men
2. Brothers and Sisters
3. Dr. Who (and all the spin offs)

Three places I have been
1. Ankor Watt, Cambodia
2. Antigua, Guatamala
3. Boppard, Germany

People who text me regularly

1. Steve
2. Paul
3. Cason (usually to ask where we are eating lunch!)

Three of my favorite foods
1. Sausage Casserole
2. Pasta
3. Curry

Three friends who I think will respond
1. I"m not going to 'guilt' anyone into responding :P
2.
3.

Three Things I am looking forward to
1. Going to the U.K. in October - 2 1/2 years to not see family is too long!
2. Board Game Conventions
3. Good conversations

Improvisation on a theme by Mark Bittman!

I was contemplating dinner today, and a request for steak salad had been received. I was trying to decide what sort of salad to serve it with whilst I was perusing a list that was recently published in the New York Times. 101 Simple Salads for the Season by that demigod of food Mark Bittman.

The description of no. 46 caught my eye, 'feels like steakhouse side-dish salad', and so, with Mark Bittman's salad for a guide I created the following. What follows is more of a improvisation than a recipe - you'll notice I've not included much in the way of precise measuring. I've typed it up here in the hope that I can recreate this sometime. Everyone should experiment in the kitchen, if the worse happens you can always call for pizza.

Peter's Cheap Steak Improv - serves 2 (or 1 if really hungry)

Steak - I used 'Beef round sirloin tip steak cap off'.

I must make a confession here, I don't understand cuts of beef. I don't know what 'beef round sirloin tip steak cap off' means - it's all gobbledygook to me. I was looking for Flank Steak but couldn't see any. This was about the same thickness (i.e just under 1/2 inch thick) and didn't appear to have any bones, so I grabbed it and was on my way.

Mushrooms - 10 oz baby bella, sliced thinly

I may not know beef, but I know mushrooms. I wanted something with a great flavor and those basic white button mushrooms, although they are o.k. when in something just weren't going to cut it when I wanted the mushrooms to be a featured performer.

I bag of freshly washed spinach

Blue Cheese crumbles

Oh I also used a few things I had in my pantry,

Ancho chili powder

Lime Pepper (lemon pepper or normal black pepper would do too)

Cumin

Paprika

Lemon Juice

Cornstarch

Cream

If I'd have been thinking I would have purchased a shallot and cooked it along with the mushrooms, but I forgot.

Mix together the ancho chili powder, lime pepper, cumin and paprika and then rub it onto both sides of the steak. I normally put a diamond cut into both sides of the meat to help the seasoning penetrate, but the meat is so thin I'm guessing it doesn't really matter.

Saute the mushrooms in some olive oil until they brown - don't crowd the pan!

With just a slight addition of olive oil if required, cook the steak. Place it in the pan and don't touch it for 5 minutes. Then turn it over and don't touch it for 5 minutes more!

Take it out and let it rest for 10 minutes.

See all that yummy burnt stuff on the bottom of your skillet? Know it where it gets really fun! Add some cream to the pan and scrape until it all comes off into the cream. Slowly bring it to the boil. Mix 1 teaspoon of cornstarch with a little cold water and then pour this into the cream in the skillet and stir very rapidly. The sauce will quickly thicken! Season with salt/pepper to taste and then put in a bowl to one side and clean out the skillet.

Chop up the spinach so it is quite small. Put the spinach and the mushrooms back in the skillet (with a little olive oil) just long enough for the spinach to wilt. (It always amazes me how much spinach reduces by when it is wilted!) Put into a serving bowl, toss in some blue cheese sprinkles and then spritz with lemon juice.

Slice the steak diagonally against the grain into thin strips.

Serve the mushroom spinach cheese salad with some strips of steak that have been lovingly caressed by the cream sauce.

Delicious!!!

Spinning the Wheel

'We run and run in our squirrel cage, thinking the constant squeaking of the wheel of our achievements is a verification of our reality and worth.' ~ James Finley

The Power of a Solitary Space.

I've just started reading a new book on the writings of the Desert Fathers, those mysterious men and women who went out into the Egyptian wilderness to encounter God. One of the key places of encounter for them was their 'cell'. The simple room where they spent most of their days.


'The Desert Fathers taught "sit in your cell and it will teach you everything." The point was that unless a man could find God here, in this one place, his cell, he would not find him by going somewhere else. But they had no illusions about what it meant to stay in the cell: it meant to stay there in mind as well as body. To stay there in body, but to think about the outside world, was already to have left it.'


That paragraph stayed with me today. It followed me into the car, and into the office. It sat in my mind in the grocery store and in the movie theater. In each venue the simple question was 'How can I find God here?'

I know God is Omnipotent - everywhere, filling time and space, closer than the air I breathe, but certain places seem 'fuller' than others. The headland above the beach in Swanage, Dorset. The stillness of the Jesus Chapel in Norwich Cathedral for example. These are places of 'encounter' for me. Places of my past where I felt a special connection to the Divine...

...but that connection does not give me the authority to label some places as Holy and others as not. The Atheist wrote 'God is nowhere' but given a single space it becomes 'God is now here'. The desert fathers teach me the importance of that solitary space.

I do not have the luxury of sitting in a solitary space waiting to encounter God - there is work to be done, boardgames to play, recipes to try, friends to contact. But the Divine Mystery is that I carry that solitary space within me, I am a dwelling place of the Divine. God is wherever I am.

I give my theological assent to that statement, but it is not my lived experience.

I wonder if it could be?

May we all find our solitary space this week.

The Prisoner - Remade

When I was a child I watched reruns of this incredibly strange show called The Prisoner. Here are the incredibly awesome and strange opening credits.

I just found out it has been remade/reimagined and will be airing on AMC this Fall. Here's a 9 minute clip!

Gravity, Depravity and the Theology of Rock Climbing

(A piece I wrote many years ago before I ever blogged, that came to mind last night)

What does God say when He looks at You?


I’ve been asking this question to a lot of people recently and getting a good variety of answers, everything from “D- could do better!” to “Nothing at all; He just laughs!”. Many people who have a grasp of theology respond with “I am accepted, forgiven and loved”. The problem is theology has a curious habit of getting stuck in our brain cells and refusing to filter down to our hearts where we need it the most. This means although we believe that God accepts us totally as we are we still run around like eager young puppies desperately trying to please our Master.

Some years ago I made a trip to New Mexico and stayed at a camp that boasted many great features such as a ropes course, rappelling tower, and horse riding. Late on the Saturday night I was attempting one of the most devilish devices known to man and woman kind- an indoor climbing wall about 20 ft high. Basically the wall had various rocks sticking out of it all placed at distances slightly wider than I could reach and slightly sharper than I could grasp. The chosen victim straps themselves into a tight safety harness and then attempts to climb this miniature Mount Everest secure in the knowledge that the rope and harness will catch them if (or in my case when) they fall.

Well on my first attempt I didn’t quite make it to the top rock which you have to touch to show you are successful, but I must confess there was a certain amount of macabre fun in the act of hauling my body upwards. Watching everyone else ascend the wall with the speed of a cheetah and the grace of a gecko had a rather bruising affect on my ego however. By my fifth attempt any semblance of pleasure in the climb was totally lost in the frustration of trying to hit that ******* top rock.

At each attempt I got angrier, especially as gravity seemed to be getting stronger because the distance of my ascent lessened each time. By the seventh attempt my hands were sore; my forearms ached and I had scratched my thigh on one of the rocks. After my eighth and final failure I wandered off disconsolably into the night and it was then that God started speaking and I started listening. The conversation went something like this:

So Peter are you satisfied now that you’ve hurt and exhausted yourself?

I was only trying to hit that top rock God.

Yes, you’ve been trying to reach that rock for the last two months now.

I only got here yesterday, are you getting me confused with somebody else?

I’m God, I don’t get confused!

Sorry.

Christianity is about living life to the full, does that describe your last two months?...............Well does it?

Not really.

Well what’s gone wrong?

I’ve just been trying to sort out a number of problems in my life, there’s nothing wrong with that is there?

No, but you’re obsessed with all your problems that you can’t deal with, sorting them out has become your ‘Top Rock’.

I don’t understand, what do you mean?

Look up, what do you see?

Lots of bright stars.

Why don’t you say lots of darkness? There’s far more night up there than stars.

Yes, but my eyes are naturally drawn to the light.

Learn to look at yourself in the same way, see the ‘light’ that is within you rather than on focusing on all the darkness. The first time you scaled the wall the fun was in the climb, hitting the top rock didn’t really matter at all.

Yes, but after a while I didn’t care about climbing, it was ‘top rock’ or nothing.
It’s stupid really because it doesn’t really matter whether I hit that rock or not just as long as I’m having fun.

Exactly! And in the same way you can’t sort your own problems out so quit worrying about them as I’ll deal with those issues when the time is right.






P.S. ******* stands for ‘blasted’

A Guide to Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can conquer tension without medical help

If you can relax without liquor

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Noctilucent Clouds!

This is my friend Tim who is a Meteorologist up in Great Falls, Montana!

Rick Nirvana?!

Rick Astley combined with Nirvana - very impressive.

Visual Recipe - Refrigerator Chocolate Cake

This recipe was adapted from Al Fresco by Louise Pickford. I got it thanks to my friend Kenneth who learnt how to make it at the Tante Marie Cooking School in San Francisco (as did my friend Don). Thanks for posting the recipe guys!

14oz Bittersweet or Dark chocolate - chopped [see note below]

1/2 Cup unsalted butter

2 1/2 cup graham crackers, crushed coarsely

1/2 cup pine nuts

1/2 cup nuts, coarsely chopped (pecans, walnuts, pistachios, hazelnuts - whatever appeals)

1 Cup unsweetened cocoa

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Don't go cheap on the chocolate guys, it needs to be good quality!

Butter a 9"x3" pan and line the bottom with parchment paper.

Mix the chocolate and the butter together in a double boiler - if you don't have one then use a heatproof bowl over a pan of simmering water.

Once melted, remove from the heat and stir in the remaining ingredients.

Spoon into the prepared pan. Press firmly into the bottom and sides and smooth out the top. Cover and chill.

When ready to serve, unmold on cutting board and shave into thin fingers.As simple as that!

[If you make it with bittersweet chocolate it will have a very very intense rich chocolate taste that is not that sweet. Try pairing it with coffee, or even whipped cream and strawberries. Of course you could always use dark or even semi-sweet chocolate. Experiment!]

My Life according to Sondheim (again!)

I've already done a similar Meme to this before - you can find that one here.
Because some of the questions are different I thought I'd try it again using the same artist and without repeating any answers!!! So here they are, with the shows they come from listed too.


Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me (presuming I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist
Stephen Sondheim (again)


Are you a male or female:
That Dirty Old Man
(from 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum')


Describe yourself:
Talent
(from 'Bounce')


How do you feel:
Unworthy of Your Love
(from 'Assassins')


Describe where you currently live:
I Love This Town
(from 'Bounce')


If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
No Place Like London
(from 'Sweeney Todd')


Your favorite form of transportation:
Merrily We Roll Along
(from 'Merrily We Roll Along')


Your best friend?
I"m still Here
(from 'Follies')


You and your best friends are:
Old Friends
(from 'Merrily We Roll Along')


What's the weather like?
Agony
(from 'Into the Woods')


Favorite time of day:
Now
(from 'A Little Night Music')


If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
The Glamorous Life
(from 'A Little Night Music')


Your relationship:
The Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me
(From 'Bounce')


What is life to you:
Opening Doors
(from 'Merrily We Roll Along')


Your fear:
The Hills of Tomorrow
(from 'Merrily We Roll Along')


What is the best advice you have to give:
No One Is Alone
(from 'Into the Woods')


Thought for the Day:
Live, Laugh, Love
(from 'Follies')


How I would like to die:
Later
(from 'A Little Night Music')


My soul's present condition:
Perpetual Anticipation
(from 'A Little Night Music')


My motto:
With So Little To Be Sure Of
(from 'Anyone Can Whistle')

The Story of 2nd Clarinet

All was not harmonious in the orchestra rehearsal. The velvet voice of the 2nd clarinet was complaining again.

“Look at this part! I play for 10 measures and then I have 50 measures rest! And look! Look! Over the page, more sections where I have absolutely nothing to play. Just sitting around doing nothing.”

The composer raised his baton and began conducting the piece.

“…and another thing”

said the 2nd clarinet after he had played his opening notes.

“Look at the violins! Scraping away sounding like feral cats in the moonlight – when do they have to rest? Do they have pages of nothing to do but counting so they don’t get lost? Oh no! Not the violins they just play their little strings out all….”

The 2nd clarinet stopped, played a few notes and then continued without missing a beat.

“…all the time. Everyone gets to play more than me, my music is just page after page after page of waiting! Well I’m tired waiting”

He quickly turned over three pages of music to his next entrance and began to play the notes loudly.

The music ground to a lurching halt.

“O.k,” said the Composer. “I think someone in the wind section may have accidentally turned over too many pages. Let’s pick up the piece at letter C”

“Very smart” hissed a flute between notes.

“Now we all have to play this difficult bit again because somebody wanted a solo. You just sit there and count and play nothing!”

“ But it’s not fair, I don’t want to wait any longer.”

An unexpected voice spoke up. “What’s the problem little reedy one” said the bassoon. “Why the squeaky complaining?”

“I’m tired of waiting that’s all. When I joined the orchestra I dreamed of long high notes, intricate solos and heart-rending melodies. The reality is I just sit here counting out measures of silence waiting to play my three notes, and one of them usually comes out wrong because I’m no longer warmed up. How do you manage it Bassoon, you play even fewer notes than I do?”

“Do you really want to know? You might not like my answer.” Said the bassoon in his dark nasally voice.

“Yes I do. At least it will be an answer.”

“Well hear this then clarinet. You are not the most important instrument in this orchestra. It’s not about your playing, or the timpani or the violins. It’s not even about the trumpets – although they seem to act like it is. It’s not about any of us at all.

It’s about the music.

You see your part and complain about the waiting. But the music is going on all around you. O.k. the Composer has decided that this section of the music doesn’t need your special voice. But think about the incredible contrast when you do play again. Your voice at the right time adds to the music in a way that no one else can. Your measures of silence; your choosing to not play, adds as much to the music as when you do play.

You are a part of something so much bigger than yourself little clarinet. And if you decide to sing your part without listening to the others, then the music suffers. The composer has a part only you can play. Your voice is unique and so is the silence that you create when you wait.

Listen to the music all around you. Yes you have to wait for the right time for you to play, but as you wait and count, listen to the music.”

So 2nd clarinet waited and counted and listened to the symphony around him. And at just the right time he added his voice into the beauty.

Being 'PC' - part 1

I've put part 1 in the hope that I'll write a second part later - we'll see.

I've been thinking about Personal Computer Operating Systems recently - yeah kinda geeky I know. My current home computer runs Windows Vista, a system that many people have issues with, but I haven't had any problems so far. I've never even seen the 'blue screen of death' yet, but like all operating systems it does have its occasional quirks.

I'm not a computer person, I've never really tried to alter the operating system in anyway. I know people do it, and I know whenever Microsoft puts out a new version of windows people do upgrade, I've just never been one of those people. I know that my computer is not it's 'Operating System', but I wouldn't know how to work right inside. The operating system is all I know.

I think that's true for most of us as people too. We all have operating systems, or frameworks of behavior. Most of the time we are fairly oblivious to them so long as they are running smoothly. It's when something happens that draws attention to it that we take notice.

Culture Shock is one such tool for seeing inside yourself. Suddenly your way of thinking and being in the world is no longer 'the norm'.

Grief is another tool. Emotions run riot, methods of containment no longer work and you begin to get a bigger picture that who you are isn't all there is.

Changing our internal operating system is a lot harder than just putting in new disks and typing in a very long key and then watching the bars inch their way across the screen. Like my reluctance to change the operating system on my computer in case something goes wrong many of us are reluctant to change internally. And that would be o.k. but there is one problem.

I think all of our operating systems have bugs and flaws.

Paul talks about this in Romans 7 - I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

I am unable to change my own operating system. I cannot 'lift myself up by my own bootstraps'. No matter how hard I pull on them I cannot leave the ground.

So what does help?

The Sunday school answer is 'God', but, like Algebra, if I cannot connect the answer to the question and show the logical steps, then the answer is not helpful. Knowing the answer is not enough. I may know the start and end places for a journey, but without knowing the route and the direction that knowledge cannot help me.

I do know a few things that help me see where my program is running incorrectly however.

1) Other people - again that seems simplistic, but how many of us really have close friends who will lovingly call us on our ways of behavior and thought processes?

2) Regular Maintenance, taking time to 'defrag and debug' - computers need to do this occasionally, how much more do I? Life gets hectic, parts of me get spread all over the place. I don't like to admit it, but I need regular time to re-collect myself. My 'spirit' needs time to catch up with my life. Meditation, Reflection, Stillness are all tools that allow myself to do that.

3) Checking the warning signs - my computer will warn me when it might have come infected. My car will warn me when the tire pressure might be low or the oil need changing. My body will warn me too, if I let it. 'Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired' are all warnings for me, signs that I'm not respecting myself and am in danger of crashing. Whenever I have 'surges' of emotions, I need to stop and see what is behind them - the problem is, when the surge comes it almost causes a system shut down, I don't want to look at what's behind it, I have enough trouble containing it.

One other thing I have learned is that I can get way too attached to my Operating System, bugs and all. God may be trying to 'reprogram' me, but I resist because it's not what I'm used too, it feels 'wrong'. God may want to 'upgrade me from XP to Vista', or even shock horror switch me over to Mac, but I resist.

Just simply typing this, giving voice to my inside reflections is good for me, it's another way I re-collect myself. I think that's one of the reasons I blog. I used to Journal, but I knew that it didn't really matter if what I wrote was coherent because I was the only person who ever read it. Blogging requires me to be coherent on the off chance that someone might actually read all of this...

...so if you've made it to here, thank you...

...knowing you're out there helps me.

How to make decisions!

Need to decide who does something? Here's the perfect method.

I'd heard about this, but never seen the origins before.

Simply awesome!

Ice cream and Christianity

When I first moved to the U.S. one of the things I came to love was the wide variety of Ice cream flavors. For a while I was seduced by Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, a variety that at that time had not crossed over to the U.K. market. My current frozen "drug of choice" is Mint Moose Tracks.

There are ice creams I do not like, I am not fond of fruit in my ice cream, so Cherry Garcia doesn't do it for me. I'm also not a fan of coffee in general so any ice cream featuring mocha or cappuccino passes me by.

One thing I'm sure of though, just because I do not like the ice cream does not mean that I claim that it "Isn't real ice cream". Even some of the rather strange Japanese flavors like Fish Ice Cream or Fried Eggplant Ice cream, although they may turn my stomach, are still ice creams.

What is an ice cream? The FDA says the following "Ice cream is defined as a frozen food made from a mixture of dairy products, containing at least 10% milkfat."

I think Christians could learn a lot from ice cream.

There are many different denominations of Christians in the world, I may not agree with what some of them believe, but that doesn't mean they are not "christian", just that they are not my flavor of Christianity.

No matter what flavorings they place in the ice cream - even the scary ones like Squid Ink, so long as the ice cream is frozen dairy product with at least 10% milkfat, they are still Ice Cream.

So what is the bottom line for Christians? The word actually covers a wide range of practices and beliefs. The word's literal meaning is 'Christ Follower'. What are the non-negotiables that if you step outside of them you are no longer a Christian? Who decides what those non-negotiables are?

I grew up with people who claimed that Catholics were not Christian, then I met some catholic Christians and were introduced to some of the great catholic christian writers.

I was taught that to be a Christian meant belief in a 6 day creation and a literal interpretation of scripture...then I met people who didn't believe that, who's spirituality and connection to Jesus put me to shame.

I was taught that to be a Christian you couldn't be a 'practicing homosexual' - then I met some who have only made it through prejudice and rejection because of their deep abiding faith.

Slowly I began to see that my learned interpretation of the bible was not the only interpretation of the bible.

I'm not sure what my 'frozen dairy product and 10% milkfat' of Christianity is any more...as my worldview widens so does my definition.

But I do know this, God's grace is big enough to cover over the gaps.

"In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, love."

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes!

Don't turn off the baby monitor

Last weekend I stayed with friends who have a 1 year old son. We had a great time. Some stuff that happened got me thinking. There is something about staying with them that makes me reflective. Last time I stayed with them for a weekend I wrote this.

Not having children of my own, I'd forgotten how much young children cry. It is their primary method of communication. It amazes me how the mother has learned to distinguish the different cries and interpret what they mean - hungry, tired etc. they all sound the same to me!

Night times were especially interesting. We would put Baby down and turn the monitor on and sit in the other room. If he started crying we would generally wait 10 minutes or so and see if it was a 'I'm tired but I don't want to go to sleep really' cry, or if something else was wrong. The parent's had learned that 10 minutes was a good judge for that. If after that time he was still crying someone would go in and see what was wrong.

Of course for that 10 minutes we had to listen to amplified wails coming through the baby monitor...

... we could have created peace and quiet in the house by turning the monitor off, but it would be a false peace. The baby would still be crying, we would just be deaf to that sound. Far better to deal with the 'Problem' of the crying child than the 'Symptom' of the crying.

I think all of us have an 'inner infant' who cries sometimes. We all carry a certain amount of pain from our childhoods that hasn't been resolved, and when something happens that triggers that pain we start to 'cry'. Part of growing up is learning to listen to the cries and interpret them like a mother interprets a child.

Some people live much of their lives blissfully unaware of the crying baby, they've found a way to turn off their baby monitor so they don't have to hear it. Addicts use their addiction of choice, but even non addicts have strategies of avoidance. Alcohol, Sex, Drugs, T.V. Books, Work etc can all be avenues for silencing the crying. And once you start listening, the crying can seem overwhelming at times.

Many of the Christian Mystics (and Mystics from other traditions too) write of the need for us to 'Wake Up'. To become aware of our own inner life. Anthony DeMello writes in 'Awareness' "You only change what you understand. What you do not understand and are not aware of, you repress. You don't change. But when you understand it, it changes."

Waking up can really ruin your sleep. I've heard addicts say that 'Alcoholics Anonymous really ruined my drinking'. What they mean is they now have awareness about what is going on with their behavior around alcohol they can't participate in that behavior with the same ignorance anymore, it has been ruined for them. Once you begin to 'wake up' you have to grieve the loss of 'sleep'. Those activities that once worked for you are no longer solutions. Once you know that the baby is crying, turning off the monitor doesn't bring relief, because a part of you is aware of the tears even if you can't hear them.

All of us are on a journey of learning to interpret the crying. It's tiring, exhilarating, exhausting, fulfilling....and I think it's the only way for us to 'grow up'. Sometimes the hardest thing when I'm crying is to be still, listen to my pain, and see what it has to teach me...

But that is the path of healing.

Quote for The Day

Food for the body is not enough....

...there must be food for the soul.


Dorothy Day

Holiday Weekend

Here are some fun photos from the Holiday Weekend :)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Peter Griffin and Reflections on Prayer

I start this with a warning, this clip may be offensive to some. I don't recommend watching it in front of children. It's from the show Family Guy, so if you don't like the show or think it is something 'Christians' shouldn't watch, then don't watch the clip.

Having given myself a very large 'out', here it is, I found it thought provoking.



I debated for a while about whether to post this, but some thoughts came up for me after seeing it that I wanted to share.

1. Peter Griffin really functions in the show as a kind of 'bumbling everyman' - he is us without the filters of good taste in place. I like the fact that he is able to be himself around Jesus, he doesn't self censor, he asks for what he wants (even when inappropriate). Many of us when we go to church 'put on our Sunday best', it's our way of showing respect. But with the pristine perfect clothes we put on our pristine perfect exterior.

"Everything is right with the world. I don't have problems."

We behave 'holy' around our church friends, and 'normal' around everyone else -I use the word normal loosely as I think everyone is 'normal' until you get to know them :)

As my good friend Sean once wrote in a drama sketch, church is like a group of people with skunks around their necks all spraying perfume and fannning themselves insisting they don't stink.

It's also in some cases the reverse - a competition to show who is the biggest 'sinner' and who has the lowest opinion of themselves, as if somehow the more you hate yourself, the more you love God.

Peter Griffin, with all his crudity and stupidity does not try to be anything other than himself around Jesus, we could learn from him.

2. I do not believe that God is like a 'cosmic coke machine' - we put the coin in, select the beverage of our choice and out it falls. Just because we raise a prayer to heaven does not mean that that prayer is going to be answered how we want it to be. Peter's request is shallow and reveals a lot about him. I do wonder what some of my prayer requests when looked at with the advantage of distance or hindsight say about me?

3. Even though Peter's request is fatuous, he shares it with Jesus. He tells tales of drunken stupidity, he is totally who he is. And what is Jesus response? No judgment. No disparaging. No dismissing. I want the kind of God I can say anything too. For years I carried around a large amount of anger towards God that I was afraid to voice. It ate up my insides. It was a slow process realizing that it was safe for me to be angry at God and to voice my displeasure. this clip reminds me that Jesus listens and loves me even if I am bumbling away inanely or raising my voice in rage.

It's the kind of relationship where you can truly say what is on your heart and mind and still know that you are loved. I want that in my human relationships and in my heavenly relationships too.

Thank you Peter Griffin for the reminder!

The Power of Water?

Weight Update and Boardgaming News

It's the first of the month and halfway through the year (well not quite as the second 6 months have more days than the first, but whose counting!)

My goal has been to lose 5lbs a month, so by now I should be down 30lbs.....

...I'm only down 28lbs, and I feel good about that.

June was a tough month, my body seemed to plateau, no matter what I did the weight would not drop. I would exercise and not lose weight, I would starve myself and not lose weight, I would eat small healthy meals and not lose weight.

By the end of last week I was getting desperate and I found my attitude to my body changing. I was beginning to get angry with my body and dislike it because of it 'maliciously derailing my weight loss plans'. Thoughts of punishing it arose in my mind - maybe grounding it or taking away its car keys!

I had a change of heart last Friday. I didn't like how I was viewing myself, so I decided that I needed to love my body again and if doing that meant I didn't make my goal then that was ok.

I stopped fretting and abusing myself and had a nice gentle weekend. I allowed myself 2 cupcakes from Crave, I cooked healthy, but I did allow myself some celebratory Mexican food when one of my fave restaurants finally reopened.

So, I'm 2 lbs short of where I wanted to be right now. I'm gonna keep losing weight anyhow, and 2lbs isn't worth the detriment of my mental health. I've learnt over the years that the Engine of Change does not run on Hate. You cannot despise yourself into being a better person - no matter what messages I heard from the Pulpit in my youth.

Anyway onto the games!

Only 29 games played this month - that's 2 down from May.

I managed 20 different games, and the number one play is:

Snow Tails -We've only begun to scratch the surface of this game. Dog sled racing through the frozen wastelands. I can't wait to play again and add in the trees!

As for the other games, here are selected highlights!

Werewolf - 3 plays of this in June. Mostly moderating again, but it's still fun, esp when you play outside under a full moon!

Because it was my birthday this month I got to pick all the games one Thursday night!

Evo - A competition to see who can evolve their dinosaur species the most before the meteor hits and wipes them off the planet!

Medina - a brain burning abstract game where you are building an ancient city. The game has all wood pieces and looks nice on the table

Ingenious - a fine abstract strategy game from the master Reiner Knizia


It's now 6 months into the year, and the game with the most plays is Dominion. It just won the coveted Spiel de Jahres award, and the expansion has just been released, so I anticipate this game staying up in the top slot for a while!

Sing! Sing! Sing!

Web Side Story - hilarious

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