'My life is no longer mine'....wait....what???!!!

(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

Every Sunday I get home from Chapelwood and immediately go upstairs and put on something more comfortable. The clothes I wear to church on Sunday - my 'Sunday Best', represent a little of the ideal me that I want to present to the world. The stretched stained tee shirt and pajama flannel shorts that I wear around the house seem inappropriate in the house of God.

As Jerry said last week, along with dressing up our outsides, we feel the pressure to dress up our insides. We hide the stains and tears that mar our souls and try and make ourselves as spiritually presentable as possible. It is as if our wounds, jealousies, hurts and fears are as inappropriate in church as tee shirt and shorts.

There is the Ideal Me - the me of the Sunday Best, the me I aspire to be, and then their is the Real Me. On any given Sunday I am at various places on the continuum. The gift of Contemplative Worship has been allowing me to bring whatever me I am currently experiencing into the presence of God.

The very songs we sing reflect this tension, some of our songs express an ideal - All To Jesus I Surrender, All to Him I freely Give. That lyric expresses an attitude of surrender that I may never attain in this lifetime. Other songs express the reality of our comfortable clothes Take, O Take me as I am, summon out what I shall be.'

Over 15 years ago I wrote the song My Life Is No Longer Mine:

My life is no longer mine, to do with as I will

I gave all my rights away

When I gave myself to You

Surrender all I am, giving all I have to give

I'm trusting in You alone

To give all I need to live

When You gave Yourself for me

You gave all You had to give

When I give myself to You

I can give no less

Take my life now, take it all

Do with me as You desire

I surrender to Your love

I can do no less

Take my life, take my all

(To listen to it, click here)

It's proved to be one of my most popular praise and worship songs........and it bites me in the butt regularly.

It expresses a 'Sunday Best' ideal that at times I aspire to, but at other times I wish I hadn't written - if the composer cannot live up to his words and sing them honestly how can anyone else?

Gave all my rights away....Surrendering all I am....Trusting in You alone....When I give myself to you I can give no less

Well actually I can and frequently do give less than my all.

Do with me as You desire....

Err...not so much.

Sometimes this song expresses who I want to be, other times it feels that every line is an excuse to beat myself up for not being the kind of Christian I think I should be. My inner critic loves to berate me for not measuring up to some impossible christian ideal, and this song lyric becomes another yard stick that I can measure myself by and find myself wanting.

I would much rather sit with the lyrics to another song of mine.

Love, like a waterfall, falling on us
Flooding our hearts with grace and peace.
Healing waters flow, flowing on us,
Flooding our hearts with love.

Every moment of every day God is loving us,
Showers of mercy and waves of forgiveness are covering us

Love, like a waterfall.....

(For an explanation of how that song came to be written click here)

Some days I respond to the bold spiritual challenge, other days I feel so fragile that all I want is for God to hug me in silence....and I'm grateful that whether I'm reaching for ideals or wearing my wounds like an armor, I have a place I can just 'be' who I am in the presence of God.

What does your 'Ideal Me' look like? When do you feel at your most comfortable?

I've Got Rhythm

(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

Since my earliest days of music lessons I've thought a lot about rhythm. As a musician I"m taught to listen and match rhythm and tempo with other people. Playing violin in an orchestra meant that a good sense of beat and awareness of everyone around was vital. There is a certain level of embarrassment that comes from singing or playing in a group and unintentionally giving yourself a solo because you came in early, played to long, or were slightly slower than everyone else.

When I got to university I started messing around with cross rhythms, multiple time signatures and multiple simultaneous beats.....some people experimented with drugs, I experimented with Minimalism. Imagine counting 1,2,3, 1,2,3 and clapping on every 1 while someone else counts 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4 and claps on 1 simultaneously to get a rough idea of what I"m talking about.

Life seems to move in rhythmic patterns. There is a pulse, a beat to different seasons of the year. It feels like the tempo of life is speeding up at the moment, making us move faster and faster until Christmas gets here. Along with the faster pace also comes an expectation of cheerfulness.

You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, 
You'd better not shout I'm telling you why. 
Santa Claus is coming to town.

When I was 14 my grandmother passed away just before Christmas. While the rest of the world moved onward with lights, decorations and parties, my parents planned a funeral.

Good christian friends rejoice!
With heart and soul and voice.

While my friends joyfully wrapped presents, I was faced with the present I had purchased and wrapped for my Grandmother...and I didn't know what to do with it.

Come and worship,
Come and worship,
Worship Christ the newborn king!

That was the last thing I wanted to do.

When the rhythm of my life feels out of step with everyone else around me it adds to my discomfort. The Christmas my Grandmother passed away my parents tried to make Christmas happen 'as usual'. It felt hollow and disingenuous, lake a game of let's pretend that lasted over the holiday season.

I've learned over the years to honor my internal sense of rhythm. Most years I cook a large full English Christmas Dinner with all the trimmings for friends. This year I've chosen not too. I can't point to a particular event that has prompted this change, I'm just aware that my internal rhythm is dictating something different.

In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I love the way the Message translation says it:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. There is a rhythm that comes from God that is unique to each one of us...because each one of us is unique. Sometimes my rhythm will match the tempo of the world around, and sometimes it won't.

There are rhythms that come naturally to us and others that make us feel like we are always a beat behind.
There are rhythms that fit naturally with the world around and others that feel misplaced.

There are burdens that get placed upon us and others that we choose to carry.
There are burdens we are afraid to pick up and others that we afraid to release.

Into the midst of all this weight and noise Jesus offers us rest. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

Whatever is going on in your life right now is o.k.

Joyful celebration.
Quiet mourning.
Crowded parties.
Solitude.

The strong rhythm of Ravel's Bolero is beautiful....and so is the random sound of a wind chime.

Where ever you are right now, Jesus offers you his rest. He offers the unforced rhythms of grace and invites you to dance.

What is the rhythm of your life right now?
Does it compliment or conflict with the rhythm of your external world?

The number Ones :)

There is a facebook meme going round at the moment where people post the number one song from the day they were born.

Here is the Number 1 song in the U.K. on the auspicious day of my birth.



And here is the song number one from the U.S.



Wow! I was born under 2 great tunes :)

Oh...and I share a birthday with the composer Cole Porter. I was obviously destined to be a musican!

Bach Sounding Incredible!

Something to try at Christmas?

An ancient Christmas Carol that we no longer sing....probably for good reason

Gotta love those old fashioned Christmas traditions...it makes me long for a Dickensian Christmas with orphans freezing to death in the street!


On Christmas Day it happened so
Down in the meadow for to plough
As he was ploughing all on so fast
Up stepped sweet Jesus himself at last


Oh man, oh man, why do you plough
So hard upon Our Lord's birthday?
The farmer answered him with great speed,
For to plough this day I have got need.


His arms did quaver through and through,
His arms did quaver, he could not plough.
The ground did open and lose him in
Before he could repent of sin.


His wife and children's out of place,
His beasts and cattle almost lost.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Old Christmas day.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Our Lord's birthday.

Bethlehemian Rhapsody

I can't decide if this is awesome or terrifying

It's definitely creative!!!

Advent Anticipation

This song really captures for me what Advent is all about, that hopeful waiting and longing for something to happen.

God being born as a baby?
Could it be? Yes it could.


Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!


Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!


Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!


With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door'll knock,
Open the latch!
Something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!


Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!


Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight . . .

A 4 Chord Life?

We spoke about singing a New Song in the Contemplative Service yesterday. You can read what Jerry said at this link here. The whole post is worth a read, but here is one quote that caught my attention.

You don't have to find the pre-ordained notes to the score God has written. As God lives within you, inhabits you, energizes you, you are the score. Your moment-by-moment life is the pattern of notes, the harmony to the song you are given to sing and to be.


I hope you can sense, then, that your new song is not something to figure out, to wrestle with and struggle over as you try to come to whatever your song is. Usually we think about the "will of God" as something difficult to find, something that takes great effort to discern. Rather, in this view, your new song is something to live, something to be. It is your everyday, ordinary life lived with God for the good of the world.


Your very life is a new song, non-repeatable, creative, expansive and uniquely your own.

Don't try to sing someone else's song. Sing your song. Live your life

There are infinite ways to combine melody and harmony. The danger is that we get stuck in a rut. Always singing the same safe song that sounds just like every body elses. The Australian Comedy Trio Axis of Awesome demonstrate the occurrence of this with a medley of songs all using the same chord progression.

(If you are offended by some off color language then please don't watch)



I could spend my life singing and playing the same four chords. A life lived that way would be embraced with open arms by most people. It is controlled, non-threatening, middle of the road and very cookie-cutter. However if you strip away the words, all the songs start to sound the same.

That sounds like many people I know. Their lives are all slight variations of one another. They may all speak with their own voice, but everything that is said is the same. The fear of branching out into new harmonies keeps them locked in the same 4 chords cycling over and over again.

At the other extreme we have the fantastic work The Rite of Spring by Stravinsky. Complex rhythmic Structures, creative use of harmonies and dissonance, unusual musical timbres all combine to make the composition of this piece one the seminal moments in music history. American composer Peter Schiekel said that ...The Rite of Spring had such a profound effect on composition that virtually all subsequent 20th century music could be said to be “The Rewrite of Spring”

Here is Michael Tilson Thomas discussing the work.



Michael Tilson Thomas talks about Stravinsky tapping into his unconscious in the creation of this piece. It is raw, passionate, violent, sensual and incredible.

In most works melodic phrases are quoted and developed, repeated and altered. Here, Stravinsky seems to continually throw out new phrases as if he is never afraid of becoming stale. There is rhythm and repetition, but just when you think you've grasped what is happening the who piece shifts once again.

4 chords stifle me...and Stravinsky scares me.

I want a life bursting with unique passion. A song that is mine and mine alone, but that means acknowledging the darkness as well as the light. It means confessing that there are times in my life where a curse word is a more honest truthful response than a Praise the Lord.

For me to sing my own unique song it means acknowledging that minor chords (sad chords as I was taught in Middle School) are necessary. Even the 4 chord progression quoted above contains one minor chord, but that chord always falls in the same place and is predictable.

My life isn't that predictable. Minor chords, dissonance and changes of tempo occur without warning. Sometimes it feels that multiple songs are all playing at the same time, conflicting melodies calling for my attention creating harmonic progressions that 4 chords could never cover.

It's scary, but I chose Stravinsky over Safety anytime.

I Am Judas

Many years ago I wrote a musical about Judas. The musical asked questions about forgiveness, and whether Judas himself, if he had sought out Jesus, would have found forgiveness as Peter did, or are there limits to God's grace.

I believe Judas is in heaven.

When he saw what his act of betrayal had done, he threw the silver back at the Priests, aware that his actions would cause the death of an innocent man. Judas could not see past the cross to the empty tomb. None of the disciples could. But unlike Peter and the other disciples, Judas was unable to bear the shame of what he had done. His act of repentance had nobody to speak absolution to him, if only he had held out until sunday.

On Good Friday we remember a mysterious act that offered Forgiveness to the world. Each of us were forgiven 2000 years ago on a hill outside of Jerusalem - but for many of us, the weight of our shame feels heavier than the weight of God's Grace. All we can see is a cross, a death caused by our actions, rather than an empty tomb caused by God's grace.

We are no different to Judas...

...and God offers to all of us the chance to come home.

In the musical, Judas asks Jesus what he would have said to him if he had returned like Peter to ask forgiveness. It took me 9 months to write the lyrics of that song, and it is one of my lyrics that I am most proud of because it honestly states what I believe at a deep level.

Judas is hiding in all of us, and yet we are afraid to go looking for him because we are worried that he is unforgivable.

Listen to this song, and let its invitation call the 'Judas in you' out into the light.

Judas Come Home

Beyond the cross is and empty tomb!

It Is Over Now

The lash that flayed Christ's back has been discarded now.
The crown of thorns rests on his head,
The purple robe is now stained red.
The hammer and the nails have served their purpose now.
The spear has cruelly pierced his side,
The mocking and the scorn subside.
It is over now

'Tis finished, the Messiah dies,
Cut off for sins, but not his own.
Accomplished is the sacrifice,
The great redeeming work is done.
It is over now.

Now every broken heart can learn to love again.
The Terrified can take a chance,
The Paralyzed can join the dance.
The Refugee is safely welcomed home again.
The Prejudiced abandons fear,
The Skeptic learns that God is near.
It is over now.

The reign of sin and death is o'er
And all may live from sin set free,
For Satan's lost his mortal power,
'Tis swallowed up in victory.
It is over now.



Words Peter Johns and Charles Wesley
From 'Tenebrae' by Peter Johns.

Wow - a Virtual Choir of 2000+ Voices

Going beyond making the grade.

Rewriting the Past

Back in July 1990 I was on vacation in Swanage, England, a small costal town on the south coast. I spent most of the days wandering the hills overlooking the beach, reading the book of Romans and a book called The Father Heart of God by Floyd McClung. The weekend obviously left an impression on me, in the fact that I remember it in such vivid detail.

Whilst wandering around the headlands I would spend time singing to myself, and I wrote a lyric for a praise song that goes as follows:

Lord Let me feel Your gentle touch,
A freely flowing healing stream
Filling my soul with all Your power
And bathing my heart with love

Pour out a waterfall (women echo each line)
Of love and light
pour out a waterfall
On me
Please let Your Spirit come
And flood my heart
A waterfall
Of love.

Lord let me hear Your gentle voice
That leads through my uncertainty
Shining a light where I should walk
And guiding me on my way

Pour out a waterfall...

Lord pour Your Spirit on Your church
As water on a thirsty land
Break down the barriers of fear
Until we are one in You

Pour out a waterfall....

In the Contemplative Service we frequently use a form of prayer that we call Waterfall Prayer. You image holding someone out under a waterall of God's love. It's a way to pray for someone when you really don't have the words to do so.

So I recently revisited my old song to see if it was usable. After playing through it I began to critique it with 21 years of song writing under my belt. Musically it never really makes it, the verses are in the key of C while the chorus is in F. Can you think of many praise songs where the verses and chorus are in different keys? I can think of a few that use the Relative Minor and Major, but not many, and there's a good reason for that. It sounds like 2 separate songs that have been velcroed together. It flows, but it feels uncomfortable.

The melody of the verses feels very 'hymn like', it doesn't lead into the chorus, and the melody of the chorus is rather hackneyed with it's echo and the shape of the tune. It feels borderline children's musical to me, it's almost too easy to learn, it's predictable, boring.

The lyrics? Well, they are ok, but they try to cover too much in the song. Verse 1 is about experiencing God in the present. Verse 2 about God guiding us...and note the mixed metaphor, "Let me hear your gentle voice......shining a light", how does a voice shine a light? Verse 3 suddenly jumps theme from personal renewal/guidance, to corporate renewal of the church. The pronouns switch from 'I' to 'We' and then of course switch back to the singular 'Me' for the chorus.

And so, a rewrite was definitely in order to make something usable.

The new lyric reads like this:

Love, like a waterfall,
Falling on us,
Flooding our hearts with grace and peace
Healing waters flow
Flowing on us,
Flooding our hearts with love.

(Repeat)

Every moment of every day God is loving us,
Showers of mercy and waves of forgiveness are covering us.

Love, like a waterfall....

The first thing you notice is that the song is much shorter and focussed. The lyrics don't try to cover too much ground. It is also all in the plural, 'Us'. I made a conscious decision to write it that way, but also wanted to craft it in such a way that if we were praying for others we could change the lyric to 'You' instead of 'Us' and it would still make sense.

The B section of the lyric 'Every moment of every day' is actually optional, it flows just fine, but you can use the A section alone as a response. In fact the first time we sang the song I did the B section as a solo.

In a song this short it is difficult to maintain a rhyming scheme that doesn't sound forced, instead I chose to tie the lyric together through repeating sounds within the lines. "...like a waterfall, falling..." and "...waters flow, flowing..." for example. Also the use of  Falling, Flowing, Flooding helps give the lyric cohesion.

The melody of the A section 'Love, like a waterfall', mainly falls in stepward motion, illustrating the lyrics melodically - something that my original 1990 song attempted to do but was unsuccessful. The B section mainly climbs step wise twice, with 2 jumps down that mirror the A section.

Probably the most important change in the lyric is a shift in my understanding of God. The original lyric was a request for God to pour out his love upon us, the new lyric is an acknowledgement that God is actively pouring out his love upon us all the time.

Sometimes it's an interesting exercise to rewrite the past.

My Requiem

My original post where I uploaded the recording of my requiem has stopped working...I finally figured out a new way of doing it.

(the files may take a few moments to start playing)

Enjoy the music :)

02+Introit+and+Kyrie

04+Dies+Irae

06+Pie+Jesu

08+Offertory

10+Sanctus

12+Benedictus

14+Agnus+Dei

16+Libera+Me

18+In+Paradisum-Benediction

Chopsticks - I wish I could play this

I bought the music, but I doubt I could play this without a ton of practice!!!

Dancing Under the Gallows - the Power of Music

An incredible true story.

'I heard the Bells' ~ thoughts on my creative process

I'm not sure how interesting this will be to other people, but I thought I'd document the thought processes behind my latest peice of music which you can listen to here :)


I first encountered the Poem 'Christmas Bells' by Longfellow when I was a teenager. I was browsing through a compilation of the music of 'Carols for Choirs' books 1-4 when the page opened at a text and a melody that I had never seen before.

The original poem text is this:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"

The setting I heard was not the famous one by Johnny Marks (click the links to listen) that has been recorded by Harry Belafonte, Johnny Cash, Bing Crosby and even Pedro the Lion and it wasn't the John Baptist Calkin setting made famous by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was a little known setting by Allen Percival which I cannot find a recording of.

I had never heard the text before and the Percival setting was the only one I knew so a couple of years ago I started my own setting.

It languished in a forgotten file for many years until I recently pulled it out and gave it a shiny new finish.

I was inspired by the first 2 lines of text that the setting really needed to include a) Bells and b) An old familiar carol.

Some of the versions I've seen referenced carols by having some kind of prelude or postlude of a familiar melody that then morphs into the Longfellow text, but I wondered whether I could find a way to set the lyrics to a melody that would fit over the top of an existing carol. Quite a challenge!

I settled on 'Silent Night' - one of the most familiar carols of all time, and one that I had already done some subtle reharmonizations with. Because the melody of Silent Night has a lot of pauses it had the space required for me to weave in a counter melody for the Longfellow lyrics.

I chose to set 6 of the 7 verses as I was concerned about length (I omitted verse 2 which seemed the easiest one to skip without upsetting the overall meaning of the text.)

Verses 4, 5 and 6 have a different emotional feel to them compared to the others so I knew I had to do something musically different at that point.

The piece opens with the bells playing a gentle flowing carillon pattern over the sustained lower chords. The choir sings the first stanza of Silent Night in German, while the soloist sings the Longfellow text over the top. I'm hoping that this juxtaposition creates a sense of familiarity along with curiosity. The bells are playing a very idiomatic pattern, and Silent Night instantly conjured up Candle light carol services. After the first verse Silent Night fades away as the Choir takes over the text.

The soloist ends verse 2 (verse 3 of the text) singing 'Good will to men', but this melodic phrase is engulfed by new musical material. The choir sings of 'Canons thundering in the south' while the bells create sounds by Mart Lifts - the bell is rung by being slammed into the foam padding on the table and then lifted in the air. It's an urgent aggressive sound in contrast to the earlier section. The melody moves faster and uses darker sonorities and lots of diminished chords to paint with the music the dark images in the text.

The choir sings unaccompanied the stanza 'It was as if an earthquake rent....' The idea is that the choir is totally alone, the message of hope that the bells ring has deserted them. This section finishes with a unison held pitch, the harmonies and rhythms have abandoned the the piece and we are left with a solitary note.

The tenor soloist gives voice to this abandonment in the stanza 'And in despair I bowed my head...' He sings to the original melody of the Longfellow, but transformed into a minor key. His accompaniment is very sparse, just a few bells played with soft mallets hanging in the stillness.

But his despair isn't hopeless. The choir re-enters slowly layering their entrances over top of one another, as hope comes tumbling back to fill the silence. When the choir reaches its climax the handbells triumphantly return playing the melody of Silent Night, but this melody is now a song of triumph. 'God is not dead nor does He sleep!'.

As the choir fades on the final chord, the bells gently peal away to stillness.



Well that's the plan anyway :)

The piece will hopefully have it's first performance Monday Nov 29th at Rice University, but you can take a listen to a computer rendition of it (with the bells and the singers played your computer's sound card) by clicking this link here.

One Reason why I love Sondheim

When most people talk about the genius of Sondheim, they start by talking about his lyric writing. Yes his lyrics are superb, but so are his melodies and harmonies. I think they are so well constructed that people often miss their elegance. Anthony Tommasini does a fantastic job of showing just three examples of brilliance in different Sondheim scores, things that if you are not a musician you may miss, and if you are not a composer you may not understand the complexity and genius.

This is why, unlike other musical soundtracks, I rarely tire of listening to Stephen.

Something to smile about

For some reason this combination of Laurel and Hardy crossed with Santana brought a smile to my face this evening.

Know the difference!

I am glad they make the disctinction between accordions and musical instruments :)

This pic just makes me smile, I posted it on facebook but I thought I would share it here as well. I took this pic over on W. Belfort, I'm so tempted to go in the store sometime!