Monday, August 31, 2009

10 Biblical ways to find a wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her
head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.Then she's yours.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
Benjamites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib. --Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman.Then,work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow.
(It's not just a good idea, it's the law.)
Onan and Boaz (Deteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

10. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (I Kings 11:1-3)

3 comments:

kathy kelley said...

OMg! Thanks for a laugh I desperately needed.

thanks for a humorous perspective on deut.

Spelling disclaimer: i don't seem to get the help I need from this little mobile device

JWebb said...

this is very nice. i especially liked the . . . no, i'm not going to go there!

Becca said...

HA!!

I wonder what the "family values" crowd would have to say about this. Hmmm.