Waiting for my self to be washed up.

At the Contemplative service we've been in a season of reflection guided by the writings of Anthony De Mello. In one of his passages he writes:

I am made whole again
-my self is given back to me-
In solitude and silence.

The phrase 'my self is given back to me' really resonated with me. Some weeks it feels like I lose parts of myself. People, meetings, tasks, all can siphon of parts of me. I can lose myself under the weight of my 'To Do Lists'. I give of myself voluntarily to others, lending my strength and support where they seem to be lacking.

As I read those words I was sitting icing down some sore muscles, making sure I took care of them so I didn't over strain them. I became aware that I've gotten a lot better at taking care of myself physically, but my emotional, spiritual and psychological self care often lags behind.

My self is given back to me in solitude and silence....and in the word 'no'.

As I reflect back over the past week, I notice the events, tasks, people, choices I've made. All the things that have pulled at me, drained and emptied me.

Solomon wrote 'Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again'.

I'm very good at giving out the bread of my life but not so good in trusting that the water of God will bring it back to me.

Just for a few moments allow yourself to drift back over the past week. Where did you lose parts of yourself? What took you away?

Then sit in silent stillness in a posture of expectant waiting. Whenever your mind tries to distract you with thoughts or worries just repeat the phrase 'I receive myself'. Use it to calm your mind down and to allow you to be open to God pouring your life back into you.