There seem to be two different streams of learning going on in my life simultaneously at this moment.
1) There is the learning of the 'How To' of Spiritual Direction.
2) There is the learning that comes from encounter with God.
This morning we had a wonderful session on listening skills. It was practical, educational, experiential and enjoyable. We did a very interesting Creative Writing exercise where I felt very connected to God and I thought to myself 'Here's what I need to blog about today'.
Then we had the first part of the afternoon - We were compassionate observers on a Spiritual Direction Session. It was moving, instructive, informative and at the end of the session I had written in large letters on my notes 'Trust Yourself!' and 'Take the Risk'. At the break time I thought to myself 'Here's what I need to blog about today'.
Then we had Practicum.
For the second session I was the Directee - it was a totally different experience to what I had planned, God showed up in a major way.
I was talking about how I've found it difficult to compose (esp. lyrics) since Mom passed away last year. As we talked somehow the conversation came around to one of my favorite verses to do with music writing and the image of God in my life - Zephaniah 3:17. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing"
As I talked about the image in the verse being one of a mother cradling her child and singing over them as they cry I started tearing up. It was as if a light had come on.
Here is an image of God that has been very meaningful for me over the years. I suddenly realized that in losing my mother I felt that I lost that image of God. My Earthly mother could no longer hold me in that way, and a part of me felt that God could no longer do that too.
I lost it.
I started weeping.
I'm so grateful for the woman who was being the Director for the session. If she had started crying I would have totally shut down. As it was she just sat there patiently.
I felt very vulnerable and loved all at the same moment.
I know I have a lot of processing to do on this experience.
I came to Hesychia thinking that most of the learning would fall into learning skill sets and techniques. What has surprised me is how much God has been speaking to me in this place.
The desert is a wonderful rich place to be right now.