I just had my first experience of being a Spiritual Director in a Practicum Session. The following is purely fiction, but reminiscent of the state of my mind during the experience.
O.k. Listen, pray, listen. I can do that. Don't talk to much.
Oh. He's looking at me, should I say something? I should ask a question? Should I ask a question? What question should I ask? He's talking again, shut up and listen.
Wow that's really interesting, that reminds me of a time when I.... no, put that to one side. Listen. God please help me to stay focused. They've stopped again. Should I ask about...but is that really what this session is about or is it just me being nosy?
More silence. There's a lot of silence. Silence is good right? If it's good why do I feel the urge to say something? I'm just about to ask a question and wow they start talking again. Now they've stopped. This time it's a long pause....I'll ask a question.
Man that was a crap question. I totally mangled that question. It took 5 sentences just to explain what I meant. They are answering the question! How do they know what question to answer? I don't know what I just asked, how do they? I wonder what's for dinner. Don't think about food! Listen. Pray. Listen.
Should I make a meaningful sound so that they know I'm listening? Maybe a 'Hmmmmm' or a 'Do go on'. I can't do that. It feels too forced. God, help, please help.
They are really working hard. I feel like I'm here on Holy Ground, they are telling their story and their fears to me, I feel really lucky. Wow I must be really good at this.
Oh No. Pride Alert!!!!!
This isn't you it's God, you need to confess that and pray about it, but not now because you should be listening.
Was that my stomach? Oh crap.
What if I fart during Spiritual Direction? That would really look holy!
Wow we've run out of time.
They seemed to really appreciate the session.
Did I really ask helpful questions?
That was really God and not me.
What is for dinner?