Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Lazy Beauty
(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)
How have you spent this week? I've spent time working, in conversations, cooking, playing boardgames, watching t.v. I've sat at desks, pianos and computers. I've prayed, reflected, laughed, sung. I've acted from the most noble of impulses, and also from the most selfish. I've sought God and I've ignored Him.
In a meeting this week someone asked 'What have you done to be spiritual this week?'. My first response was 'not enough'.
On further reflection though I don't think that's true. I could repeat my opening paragraph of how I've spent this week (working, conversations, cooking, playing boardgames etc) all as an answer to that question. There is no compartment in my life called 'Spirituality'. In God I live and move and have my being. Trying to become 'more spiritual' is like trying to become 'more human', it isn't possible. I am trying to become what I already am.
Like the Scarecrow, the Lion and the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, I fail to see that I already am what I'm desiring, so I walk down the 'Yellow Brick Road' of Spiritual Growth thinking that if I can just learn from this 'Spiritual Wizard' or master that Spiritual Discipline that I will become Spiritual.
The road cannot make me any more spiritual, but, as I become intentional about my journey, it helps me become aware of God's presence within me.
And as I journey, I start to worry. Am I travelling in the right direction? Am I praying in the right way? Am I growing fast enough? Am I really hearing God's voice? To help assure myself, I set myself goals. Concrete measures of growth. For example:
- I will have a quiet time every day.
- I will master Breath Prayer, Lectio Divina, the Examen, Encircling Prayer etc
- I will read the entire bible through in a year (or a month)
- I will give a fixed percentage of my income away
And suddenly bible reading becomes about the amount read rather than getting to know the Author. Prayer becomes a technique to be mastered rather than a conversation to be entered into. Giving becomes self-imposed taxation rather than an expression of the heart. Spirituality becomes a 'To Do' list.
I frantically 'labor and spin' to become spiritually beautiful, forgetting the lilies of the field.
'See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.'
Jesus offers a Lazy Beauty, a beauty that does not require effort on our part, just a surrender and a trust of what God is growing inside of us. It sounds to good to be true. A lily does not strive for beauty, it grows naturally. We feel we have to work to be as beautiful as Solomon. We create an artificial 'Spiritual Beauty' that we can strive for. An unrealistic ideal of Spirituality as false as the image of physical beauty we see portrayed in the media.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYfwIAWWH6M
Lazy Beauty feels wrong.
I can feel myself recoiling at my use of that word, even though that was the phrase the came to mind whilst I listening to the passage last Sunday. I can hear my inner critic saying 'Use a different word, call it Natural Beauty. Lazy suggests just sitting there. It's passive. What about Striving, what about being sold out for God?'
See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. They do not work or toil. They are Lazy.
But to be lazy I have to surrender my Spiritual To Do List. I have to see what Jesus is growing in me rather than try to force growth through my own efforts.
What has crept onto your Spiritual To Do list right now?
What is Jesus growing in you?
Where can you see A Lazy Beauty?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Caring for the Choir Robes
I'm fortunate to get to sing in the Chancel Choir at Chapelwood UMC. We have a wonderful bunch of people who sing well together and are highly organized (most of the time GRIN)
To help the new people who have just joined, the Robing Chairperson did a brief announcement about care for our Choir Robes and the best way to hang them in the choir room to make sure they stay clean and wrinkle free. The entire choir room is fitted with wooden hangers for our robes, they have a wider top and help prevent hanger bumps forming when the robe has been hung up for too long.
The wooden hangers are important.
The only problem was, while he was explaining their neccessity, all I could think of was this.
To help the new people who have just joined, the Robing Chairperson did a brief announcement about care for our Choir Robes and the best way to hang them in the choir room to make sure they stay clean and wrinkle free. The entire choir room is fitted with wooden hangers for our robes, they have a wider top and help prevent hanger bumps forming when the robe has been hung up for too long.
The wooden hangers are important.
The only problem was, while he was explaining their neccessity, all I could think of was this.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Stuck in my head
I woke up with this song in my brain this morning. The video is a bit cheesey by today's standards, but I do like the lyrics and the melody.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Hi Ho Hi Ho It's off to work we go
According to a study by the National Sleep Association the average American works a 46 hour work week. I've seen other studies giving other figures, but this seems to be slightly low in my estimation.
There is a massive spike in Suicide among males in the U.S. when they reach retirement age. I don't think the American work ethic is a cause, but the statistical correlation is disturbing.
When I started work in the U.K. at age 19. My required work week was a 35 hour week. I was also on a flex time system, I had to be at work from 10-12 and 2-4 but apart from that it was up to me. At the end of each month I could be up to 10 hours over or under the required total, and, if I had 7 hours over I could use those hours to take a vacation time.
And talking about vacation time, when I started I had 20 days vacation a year, plus the 12 potential 'flex days' plus national holidays (8 by my calculations).
So at age 19 I worked a 35 hour work week and could get 40 days off a year!
Compare that with the average American of 46+ hours a week, 10-15 days off a year plus national holidays.
Moving to the U.S. was a shock for me.
People here seem to be defined by their 'work' a lot more than I was used to in the U.K.
One other piece of data that is alarming:
One other piece of data that is alarming:
There is a massive spike in Suicide among males in the U.S. when they reach retirement age. I don't think the American work ethic is a cause, but the statistical correlation is disturbing. Here are the U.K. figures.
A much lower suicide rate among Males. So, are the Brits lazy or the U.S. work obsessed???
Thoughts anyone???
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Words to Ponder
"I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions, but laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors."
Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson
Friday, October 02, 2009
Boardgames and Weight Update
Again this month their is no weight update as I'm still in a 'holding pattern'. There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon though. Work has started a weight loss exercise program that runs for three months where you can access to a personal trainer etc. I've signed up to do that so maybe it will re-energize me again :)
Onto the games!
September had 31 plays of 27 different games. There was no game that dominated the rankings though there were some new appearances.
Palastgefluster - this is an Adlung Spiel game, and they always seem to pack a fun complex game into a tiny box. This one is no exception to their range. It involves political intrigue in the King's Court and is easy to learn but has some surprising strategies. You also get to control turn order which is fun. It's a game that is relatively difficult to obtain here in the U.S. so I expect it to hit the table again soon.
Werewolf - I really enjoy getting to play this game, but normally we don't have enough people or I end up moderating. Don't get me wrong I enjoy running the game, but it is fun to play. There's a lot of lying and manipulation in this game, it really helps to either be a great Orator or a keen Observer. I successfully spotted someone in a lie which helped the good guys win the game woohoo!
Snow Tails Is a game of racing Husky Dogs down a frozen track complete with avalanches and trees. I don't play that many race games, and this is a fun one so it was nice to have it hit the table again.
Imperial This is one of those longer more complex games that I tend to shy away from. Well, it's more that although I can grasp the mechanics of the game I'm not that sure about the strategy. I did surprisingly well this last play though and came in a very close second.
Also this month we had a special gaming session with Peggy and Shelley who wanted to learn some new card games.
Die Seiben Siegel (or as we usually call it 'Die Steven Segal!') is an interesting spin on spades. Not only do you have to bid how many tricks you are going to take, but you also have to say what suits you are going to take them in. This makes the bidding extra fraught with difficulty. To compound that it is also possible for somebody to play as a Saboteur and instead of trying to take tricks they are trying to screw up your plans. Fun!
Flaschenteufel is a trick taking game based on a short story by Robert Louis Stevenson. It is interesting in that cards that were trumps at the start of the round will revert to normal cards as the round progresses. Consequently you are forced to use trumps early, but their is a catch. Whoever played the highest trump in a trick obtains the Bottle Imp, and if the round ends with the bottle still in your possession....well let's just say it's not good. It's a fun little game and works really well with three players which is normally hard to do with a trick taking game.
Poison is a classic Reiner Knizia game. You are adding different ingredients into three different cauldrons, but you don't want to be the person who causes the cauldron to boil over. It's now available as an iphone application :)
Well that's selected highlights from September's Gaming. I don't foresee any game knocking Dominion off it's top slot by the end of the year, but there is a tight race forming for second place, with 9 games all vying for second place.
Onto the games!
September had 31 plays of 27 different games. There was no game that dominated the rankings though there were some new appearances.
Palastgefluster - this is an Adlung Spiel game, and they always seem to pack a fun complex game into a tiny box. This one is no exception to their range. It involves political intrigue in the King's Court and is easy to learn but has some surprising strategies. You also get to control turn order which is fun. It's a game that is relatively difficult to obtain here in the U.S. so I expect it to hit the table again soon.
Werewolf - I really enjoy getting to play this game, but normally we don't have enough people or I end up moderating. Don't get me wrong I enjoy running the game, but it is fun to play. There's a lot of lying and manipulation in this game, it really helps to either be a great Orator or a keen Observer. I successfully spotted someone in a lie which helped the good guys win the game woohoo!
Snow Tails Is a game of racing Husky Dogs down a frozen track complete with avalanches and trees. I don't play that many race games, and this is a fun one so it was nice to have it hit the table again.
Imperial This is one of those longer more complex games that I tend to shy away from. Well, it's more that although I can grasp the mechanics of the game I'm not that sure about the strategy. I did surprisingly well this last play though and came in a very close second.
Also this month we had a special gaming session with Peggy and Shelley who wanted to learn some new card games.
Die Seiben Siegel (or as we usually call it 'Die Steven Segal!') is an interesting spin on spades. Not only do you have to bid how many tricks you are going to take, but you also have to say what suits you are going to take them in. This makes the bidding extra fraught with difficulty. To compound that it is also possible for somebody to play as a Saboteur and instead of trying to take tricks they are trying to screw up your plans. Fun!
Flaschenteufel is a trick taking game based on a short story by Robert Louis Stevenson. It is interesting in that cards that were trumps at the start of the round will revert to normal cards as the round progresses. Consequently you are forced to use trumps early, but their is a catch. Whoever played the highest trump in a trick obtains the Bottle Imp, and if the round ends with the bottle still in your possession....well let's just say it's not good. It's a fun little game and works really well with three players which is normally hard to do with a trick taking game.
Poison is a classic Reiner Knizia game. You are adding different ingredients into three different cauldrons, but you don't want to be the person who causes the cauldron to boil over. It's now available as an iphone application :)
Well that's selected highlights from September's Gaming. I don't foresee any game knocking Dominion off it's top slot by the end of the year, but there is a tight race forming for second place, with 9 games all vying for second place.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The 'What' and the 'Why'
Abba Anthony the Great said this, 'If he is able to, a monk ought to tell his elders confidently how many steps he takes and how many drops of water he drinks in his cell, in case he is in error about it.'
from 'The Sayings of the Desert Fathers' ~ Benedicta Ward, SLG
I mentioned in a previous post that I was working my way through this book, and when I read it this morning the above quote stuck with me.
I don't think Abba Anthony is suggesting that true monks should all go out and purchase Pedometers or keep careful records of their consumption of Dihydromonoxide (after all, how big is a 'drop'?). What I heard in this was an increased level of Awareness. I know their have been times when I've sat down to read a book with a packet of cookies and 20 minutes later I suddenly notice that all the cookies have gone and I have no recollection of consuming them.
The act of being aware changes our behavior. I did an experiment today and I decided to write down everything I ate. Suddenly I was conscious of walking past the goodies at the Receptionist's Desk at work, I noticed how many refills I wanted at Boudreaux's at lunchtime. I ate and drank less today for the sole reason that I was writing it down and was therefore aware of it.
Socrates said 'The Unexamined Life is not worth living' - I'm not sure if I'd go quite that far, as their have definitely been moments in my life where I would have much rather have been numb and clueless to what was going on inside. But Socrates and Abba Anthony are just saying what so many other writers have said, we need to be 'Aware'.
I try to avoid a lot of political debate, but when I do get into discussion, I try to be more interested in the 'Why' rather than the 'What'. People are often very good at articulating what they believe, but not so much the why. 'Why' asks us to take a look inside, to examine ourselves, the good and the bad.
If I start counting the steps I take and the water I drink I might become aware that I am walking in the wrong direction or consuming the wrong things. The 'What' leads to the 'Why'. Suddenly I notice my internal drives and compulsions, and in doing so I am awakened.
So, how many steps did you take today? How much water did you drink?
Why?
from 'The Sayings of the Desert Fathers' ~ Benedicta Ward, SLG
I mentioned in a previous post that I was working my way through this book, and when I read it this morning the above quote stuck with me.
I don't think Abba Anthony is suggesting that true monks should all go out and purchase Pedometers or keep careful records of their consumption of Dihydromonoxide (after all, how big is a 'drop'?). What I heard in this was an increased level of Awareness. I know their have been times when I've sat down to read a book with a packet of cookies and 20 minutes later I suddenly notice that all the cookies have gone and I have no recollection of consuming them.
The act of being aware changes our behavior. I did an experiment today and I decided to write down everything I ate. Suddenly I was conscious of walking past the goodies at the Receptionist's Desk at work, I noticed how many refills I wanted at Boudreaux's at lunchtime. I ate and drank less today for the sole reason that I was writing it down and was therefore aware of it.
Socrates said 'The Unexamined Life is not worth living' - I'm not sure if I'd go quite that far, as their have definitely been moments in my life where I would have much rather have been numb and clueless to what was going on inside. But Socrates and Abba Anthony are just saying what so many other writers have said, we need to be 'Aware'.
I try to avoid a lot of political debate, but when I do get into discussion, I try to be more interested in the 'Why' rather than the 'What'. People are often very good at articulating what they believe, but not so much the why. 'Why' asks us to take a look inside, to examine ourselves, the good and the bad.
If I start counting the steps I take and the water I drink I might become aware that I am walking in the wrong direction or consuming the wrong things. The 'What' leads to the 'Why'. Suddenly I notice my internal drives and compulsions, and in doing so I am awakened.
So, how many steps did you take today? How much water did you drink?
Why?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Listen to my Requiem!
Just follow the links! (I think you have to be in Internet Explorer to make this work)
Introit and Kyrie
Dies Irae
Pie Jesu
Offertory
Sanctus
Benedictus
Agnus Dei
Libera Me
In Paradisum & Benediction
Introit and Kyrie
Dies Irae
Pie Jesu
Offertory
Sanctus
Benedictus
Agnus Dei
Libera Me
In Paradisum & Benediction
Monday, September 21, 2009
Vampire Worship?
(random thoughts from a non-theologian)
Vampires are apparently a big thing at the moment. I say apparently, because, as I'm not a teenage girl I've not read any of the 'Twilight' books or watched any of 'Trueblood' or any other of the various vampire shows around right now. It just seems that nearly every issue of Entertainment Weekly (my source of world news) has a mention somewhere about these bloodsucking creatures.
It seems they've even made it into church.
I was at worship this weekend and the band led us in a song that was new to me, that featured the lyric 'From His wounds we drink salvation'. All I could think of was 'ewww'. Couldn't the songwriter have used a different word than 'drink'? I get what the lyricist is trying to say, but the image of lapping blood from the Crucified Christ is not one that moves me, the lyric became a hindrance rather than an aid to worship.
There is a whole thread of christian lyrics where almost magical power is ascribed to the actual blood of Jesus, as if somehow Jesus' blood was different from the rest of humanity's.
There is a fountain filled with blood.
Jesus blood never failed me yet.
It's your blood that cleanses me.
There is Power in the blood.
At times it seems we are in danger of venerating the 'symbol', rather than what the symbol represents. In Bruge, Belgium there is even an alleged phial of Jesus blood contained in the Basillica of the Holy Blood But as my friend Matt once said to me, Jesus' blood is not special, what it accomplished is. When we take Communion, we worship Christ, not the Wafer or the Welch's grape juice. When we remember the Crucifixion shouldn't we do the same?
Vampires are apparently a big thing at the moment. I say apparently, because, as I'm not a teenage girl I've not read any of the 'Twilight' books or watched any of 'Trueblood' or any other of the various vampire shows around right now. It just seems that nearly every issue of Entertainment Weekly (my source of world news) has a mention somewhere about these bloodsucking creatures.
It seems they've even made it into church.
I was at worship this weekend and the band led us in a song that was new to me, that featured the lyric 'From His wounds we drink salvation'. All I could think of was 'ewww'. Couldn't the songwriter have used a different word than 'drink'? I get what the lyricist is trying to say, but the image of lapping blood from the Crucified Christ is not one that moves me, the lyric became a hindrance rather than an aid to worship.
There is a whole thread of christian lyrics where almost magical power is ascribed to the actual blood of Jesus, as if somehow Jesus' blood was different from the rest of humanity's.
There is a fountain filled with blood.
Jesus blood never failed me yet.
It's your blood that cleanses me.
There is Power in the blood.
At times it seems we are in danger of venerating the 'symbol', rather than what the symbol represents. In Bruge, Belgium there is even an alleged phial of Jesus blood contained in the Basillica of the Holy Blood But as my friend Matt once said to me, Jesus' blood is not special, what it accomplished is. When we take Communion, we worship Christ, not the Wafer or the Welch's grape juice. When we remember the Crucifixion shouldn't we do the same?
Friday, September 18, 2009
Nostalgia in the Oven ~ Jumbleberry Crumble
A really good cookbook should assault the senses. Just reading the recipes should be enough to stimulate the taste buds. And then the glorious pictures amount to food porn, calling, tempting, promising indescribable pleasures if you just cook the recipe depicted.
Nigella Lawson is well versed in the art of the Seductive Cookbook...
...and I made the mistake of browsing through one of her tomes this morning over my breakfast cup of tea.
My fate was sealed when I saw the picture on page 182
Jumbleberry Crumble
No matter that I didn't have the over sized teacup for serving, or the cheery table mat, one glance was enough and I knew that you had to be mine. I could already taste the glorious cool of the ice cream, the sweet crunch of the topping and the tart zing of the warm berries.
Fruit crumbles, normally apple, or raspberry were a part of my childhood. Admittedly my mother's were generally overcooked, burnt on top and soggy on the bottom, but even that has a familiarity to it that the picture evoked in me. O.k. so it didn't go with the Enchilada Casserole that was bubbling away in the crock pot, but no matter, I wanted it.
The recipe is simplicity itself.
For the crumble Topping:
2/3 cup of flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
4 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small cubes
3 tablespoons brown sugar (light or dark)
Blitz all of the together in a food processor (or rub together by hand) to make a mixture that resembles sand.
You'll also need:
Frozen summer fruits
cornstarch
sugar
vanilla extract
Put the frozen berries in an oven proof container (for one serving I used a 2 cup ramekin)
Put in some frozen berries to just below the top.
Sprinkle 1 teaspoon cornstarch, 2 teaspoons sugar and a drop of vanilla extract on top.
Top with crumble topping.
Put in the oven at 425F for 15-20 mins until cooked.
Serve with a dollop of vanilla ice cream!
The recipe actually makes too much topping, but the beauty is you can store the topping and the berries in the freezer and assemble the entire dessert from frozen quicker than it takes to heat up the oven.
Glorious!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Requiem
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Here are just a few pics from friday night (none of the wind players unfortunately). Sorry they are a bit blurry, I was taking them from the back of the concert hall with no flash and no tripod!
The performance was incredible. I was amazed at the number of people there and the warm reception that they gave my music. I felt very humble to have such incredible musicians perform my work :)
Abba Anthony shows the way.
One day some old men came to see Abba Anthony. In the midst of them was Abba Joseph. Wanting to test them, Abba Anthony suggested a text from the scriptures, and, beginning with the youngest, he asked them what it meant. Each gave his opinion as he was able. But to each one Abba Anthony said, 'You have not understood it.' Last of all he said to Abba Joseph, 'How would you explain this saying?' and he replied, 'I do not know.' Then Abba Anthony said, 'Indeed, Abba Joseph has found the way, for he has said: "I do not know." '
from 'The Sayings of the Desert Fathers' ~ Benedicta Ward, SLG
I'm slowly reading through this collection of writings at the moment, and this one has really stuck with me. There is a humility in bible interpretation displayed here that I find very attractive. Given the churches track record in scripture interpretation - Slavery and the position of the earth in the Solar System to name just two, it is refreshing to see someone back in 300 A.D. advocating a position of humility before the Divine Mystery that is scripture. I think all of us will be amazed when we get to heaven about how wrong we were in the things we labeled important.
from 'The Sayings of the Desert Fathers' ~ Benedicta Ward, SLG
I'm slowly reading through this collection of writings at the moment, and this one has really stuck with me. There is a humility in bible interpretation displayed here that I find very attractive. Given the churches track record in scripture interpretation - Slavery and the position of the earth in the Solar System to name just two, it is refreshing to see someone back in 300 A.D. advocating a position of humility before the Divine Mystery that is scripture. I think all of us will be amazed when we get to heaven about how wrong we were in the things we labeled important.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Requiem Performance Details
(Just in case you didn't know GRIN)
The Performance is tonight at 8pm in Stude Concert Hall at Rice University.
Tonight is the Night - Dona Nobis Requiem
'Dona Nobis Requiem' is the only sung phrase in Latin that is not in the original Latin text of a Requiem Mass. It translates us 'Grant us rest'. It is the final sentence that is sung in the work tonight, and it seemed a fitting conclusion...
...I didn't get much Requiem last night. I stayed up late playing boardgames (specifically Tales of the Arabian Nights). I fell asleep quickly, but I had some 'Requiem Dreams'. They never really materialized into full blown nightmares, but they were enough to make me feel unrested this morning.
There were really 2 recurring themes in them.
The first was that all the publicity that I had given out were for the wrong venue - I spent most of that dream frantically calling, emailing and messaging people on Facebook trying to get the correct information to them. Consequently when the concert started I was so emotionally drained and worrying about who was missing it, that I missed it.
I will really practice being present tonight.
The second was even more curious. I was standing outside the venue when two strangers struck up a conversation asking me what I knew about the composer and his music. I answered the best that I could without revealing my identity. Then a friend came by and of course immediately gave the game away. I looked chagrined, and the 2 people then began to barrage me with these incredibly complex musical questions about the work and my compositional techniques. I had to ask them so many questions just so I could understand their questions, and then it took me so long to formulate my answers using their language that I came across looking like a dullard.
I know I have a tendency to put myself in outsider status. To believe that everyone else is genuine and I am a fraud. I make those judgements internally to myself in many different social settings and I recognize that it serves 2 purposes 1) It is a defence mechanism, I assume I am going to be rejected, so I reject you first, that way it is my 'choice' and therefor doesn't hurt as much. 2) It flows out of low self esteem issues. It's me telling myself that I'm not good enough.
Tonight I choose to be transparent and to celebrate my 'Goldenness' even as I acknowledge my 'Darkness' The response to the Requiem from the students and Faculty has been wonderful, I trust their judgement, and I also trust mine. I will let the music speak for me and I will relax knowing that I have many wonderful friends who are attending to support me and hear what I create.
Dona nobis requiem? - Yes God did, and I'm grateful for it.
...I didn't get much Requiem last night. I stayed up late playing boardgames (specifically Tales of the Arabian Nights). I fell asleep quickly, but I had some 'Requiem Dreams'. They never really materialized into full blown nightmares, but they were enough to make me feel unrested this morning.
There were really 2 recurring themes in them.
The first was that all the publicity that I had given out were for the wrong venue - I spent most of that dream frantically calling, emailing and messaging people on Facebook trying to get the correct information to them. Consequently when the concert started I was so emotionally drained and worrying about who was missing it, that I missed it.
I will really practice being present tonight.
The second was even more curious. I was standing outside the venue when two strangers struck up a conversation asking me what I knew about the composer and his music. I answered the best that I could without revealing my identity. Then a friend came by and of course immediately gave the game away. I looked chagrined, and the 2 people then began to barrage me with these incredibly complex musical questions about the work and my compositional techniques. I had to ask them so many questions just so I could understand their questions, and then it took me so long to formulate my answers using their language that I came across looking like a dullard.
I know I have a tendency to put myself in outsider status. To believe that everyone else is genuine and I am a fraud. I make those judgements internally to myself in many different social settings and I recognize that it serves 2 purposes 1) It is a defence mechanism, I assume I am going to be rejected, so I reject you first, that way it is my 'choice' and therefor doesn't hurt as much. 2) It flows out of low self esteem issues. It's me telling myself that I'm not good enough.
Tonight I choose to be transparent and to celebrate my 'Goldenness' even as I acknowledge my 'Darkness' The response to the Requiem from the students and Faculty has been wonderful, I trust their judgement, and I also trust mine. I will let the music speak for me and I will relax knowing that I have many wonderful friends who are attending to support me and hear what I create.
Dona nobis requiem? - Yes God did, and I'm grateful for it.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
My Nephew the Movie Maker - A 'One Proud Uncle' Post!
Pretty dang awesome for a 9 year old who's only had his camera a few days!!!
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