and forgive us our [blank] as we forgive those who [blank] against us

I didn't grow up saying the Lord's Prayer very often, the church I attended seemed to view unison spoken prayer as somehow suspect. The Lord's Prayer was cited as a model to follow rather than words to recite. It was only when I spent sometime at the local C of E church as a chorister that I began to say the prayer with any regularity.


In the liturgy that we used the [blank] was always filled by the word 'Sin'. Later on I discovered other people who used the words 'Trespasses'. Fortunately I discovered that if I started saying the word Sin when everyone else was Trespassing I could easily morph my S to fit in and end up saying something that sounded like Sespasses.


When I moved to the U.S. I discovered people using the word Debts. It's quite difficult for me to disguise my liturgical lapse if I start saying Sin and everyone else uses Debts. My S sounds far to early to be disguised and the word Sebts doesn't really roll off the tongue.


Sins, Debts and Trespasses all paint different images in my mind. Debts leads to images of Bank Balances, of dusty ledgers and accounts in the red. Trespasses are fields encased with fences with warning signs promising prosecution for people who do not heed them. Sins are arrows flying through the air falling short of the target.

But what is the target, the mark that we are trying to hit?

In my earnest teenage years, the target was Perfection. Sin, was generally anything 'bad', anything that went against my internalized moral code. Lying, Smoking, Drinking, Disobeying your Parents, and of course anything to do with Sex. Over the years my Moral Code has shifted, items jockey for position, new ones appear and others disappear.

But what if the 'target' is something other than my internalized definition of Sin?

Back in the Garden of Eden the first words the Serpent says to Eve is 'Did God say....' Eve begins to question her connection to God and her ability to hear him. Hot on the heels of this comes the implication that God is depriving Eve, that who she is, isn't enough '.....your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God....'

What if Sin is our inability to step fully into who God has created us to be. To Be and Do something other than what we were created for. We mistrust our own connection to God (Did God say....) and we think who God has created us to be is somehow lacking or less than all it could be.

What if Sin is wearing masks that present who we think we ought to be rather than who we are. We present a version that is less than who God calls us to be, 'sanitized for your protection'. We think living life to the full is fully expanding into our fake shell without ever questioning the shell's validity.

Our woundedness, trying to be something other than who God lovingly creates us to be manifests itself in the sins we commit. Our sins are like the warning lights on the dashboard of the car, telling us that there is a deeper problem.

Our sins flow from our wounds, and it is from Christ's wounds that we find healing and forgiveness.

That sounds so nice....and I paused after writing it because although it is poetic, I need to find out what it actually means, here are some ways Healing and Forgiveness have manifested themselves in my life.


Healing and Forgiveness means liking myself for who I am rather than hating myself for who I am not.

Healing and Forgiveness means offering who I think I should be to God and allowing that image to be transformed, enlarged, and even destroyed if necessary.

Healing and Forgiveness means feeling rather than avoiding the weight of my sin, my brokenness, so that I can encounter God there.

Healing and Forgiveness means letting go of my pain rather than treating it like a close friend.

Healing and Forgiveness means letting God dissolve the false images I have of myself.

Healing and Forgiveness means growing into all God has for me.

Healing and Forgiveness means trying to be as gracious to myself as God is to me.

Healing and Forgiveness means trusting my own connection to God.




As you pray the line 'forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us', ask yourself where you need forgiveness and healing in your life.

Child Sacrifice, Euchre and God

I'm doing a lot of reading as part of my Ignatian Spirituality Small Group, and one passage that has stuck with me recently is Genesis 22:1-19 It's a passage that I used to like, but now have conflicting opinions about. God decides to test Abraham buy asking him to sacrifice his only son Isaac to him on Mount Moriah. It takes 3 days to get there, and on the third day, whilst carrying the wood for the fire Isaac finally asks the question that has been on his mind. "Where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham responds "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." When they reach the mountain top, they get everything ready and then Abraham quickly ties up Isaac places him on the Altar and raises his knife. It's at this point an Angel tells Abraham to stop. He tells Abraham that the scenario has been a test to see whether Abraham really does fear God. A ram is found caught in the thicket that is used for the offering instead.

I'm guessing Isaac was in therapy with trust/daddy/God issues for quite a long time!

There is some evidence that Child Sacrifice was as an Ancient Near Eastern Practice of both the Moabites and the Ammonites. It's fascinating to read how people have wrestled with interpreting this passage. Click here for a good summary.

According to Rabbi J. H. Hertz (Chief Rabbi of the British Empire), child sacrifice was actually "rife among the Semitic peoples," and he suggests that "in that age, it was astounding that Abraham's God should have interposed to prevent the sacrifice, not that He should have asked for it."

That interpretation appeals to me because it opens me up to my own assumptions about God. Abraham is shown that his God is different to the Gods of the cultures around him. YHWH prevents an act that may have been a common occurrence in the culture and shocks Abraham in the process (it would be like God stopping the offering plates from being passed around in the middle of worship!). YHWH Suddenly becomes a lot different to what Abraham expects.

I wonder how much my culture has influenced my understanding of who God is.

Imagine you had grown up only playing Euchre, a trick taking game that uses a deck of cards consisting of 9 through Ace in 4 suits. All you know is a deck of 28 cards and one rule set.

Then someone hands you a deck with 52 cards and teaches you Poker, Bridge, Rummy, Hearts, etc

Suddenly the size of the deck and the possibilities for games has gotten a lot greater.

That's what my Spiritual Journey has felt like. The shift from '28 cards to 52 cards' was quite an adjustment in the spiritual realm. A lot of who God was for me shifted, and that shift felt as surprising as God interposing to prevent the sacrifice...

...and then I discovered and even bigger world of card games, stepping beyond my deck of 52 cards. Games involving decks with 5 or more different suits, and sometimes as many as 18 or 19 cards in each suit.

The possibilities are overwhelming.

God keeps getting bigger...

...and every time I wonder if I am crossing over the line from orthodoxy to heresy. I thought I was open about God, then I discovered that all I was doing was shuffling the 'cards' I already had, unwilling to admit that there might be more. I still find myself wanting to speak with absolute certainty about divine mystery.

I need to realize that when it comes to understanding God, none of us are playing with full decks.

Dancing Under the Gallows - the Power of Music

An incredible true story.

Quote of the Day

"Many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."

William James

'I heard the Bells' ~ thoughts on my creative process

I'm not sure how interesting this will be to other people, but I thought I'd document the thought processes behind my latest peice of music which you can listen to here :)


I first encountered the Poem 'Christmas Bells' by Longfellow when I was a teenager. I was browsing through a compilation of the music of 'Carols for Choirs' books 1-4 when the page opened at a text and a melody that I had never seen before.

The original poem text is this:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"

The setting I heard was not the famous one by Johnny Marks (click the links to listen) that has been recorded by Harry Belafonte, Johnny Cash, Bing Crosby and even Pedro the Lion and it wasn't the John Baptist Calkin setting made famous by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was a little known setting by Allen Percival which I cannot find a recording of.

I had never heard the text before and the Percival setting was the only one I knew so a couple of years ago I started my own setting.

It languished in a forgotten file for many years until I recently pulled it out and gave it a shiny new finish.

I was inspired by the first 2 lines of text that the setting really needed to include a) Bells and b) An old familiar carol.

Some of the versions I've seen referenced carols by having some kind of prelude or postlude of a familiar melody that then morphs into the Longfellow text, but I wondered whether I could find a way to set the lyrics to a melody that would fit over the top of an existing carol. Quite a challenge!

I settled on 'Silent Night' - one of the most familiar carols of all time, and one that I had already done some subtle reharmonizations with. Because the melody of Silent Night has a lot of pauses it had the space required for me to weave in a counter melody for the Longfellow lyrics.

I chose to set 6 of the 7 verses as I was concerned about length (I omitted verse 2 which seemed the easiest one to skip without upsetting the overall meaning of the text.)

Verses 4, 5 and 6 have a different emotional feel to them compared to the others so I knew I had to do something musically different at that point.

The piece opens with the bells playing a gentle flowing carillon pattern over the sustained lower chords. The choir sings the first stanza of Silent Night in German, while the soloist sings the Longfellow text over the top. I'm hoping that this juxtaposition creates a sense of familiarity along with curiosity. The bells are playing a very idiomatic pattern, and Silent Night instantly conjured up Candle light carol services. After the first verse Silent Night fades away as the Choir takes over the text.

The soloist ends verse 2 (verse 3 of the text) singing 'Good will to men', but this melodic phrase is engulfed by new musical material. The choir sings of 'Canons thundering in the south' while the bells create sounds by Mart Lifts - the bell is rung by being slammed into the foam padding on the table and then lifted in the air. It's an urgent aggressive sound in contrast to the earlier section. The melody moves faster and uses darker sonorities and lots of diminished chords to paint with the music the dark images in the text.

The choir sings unaccompanied the stanza 'It was as if an earthquake rent....' The idea is that the choir is totally alone, the message of hope that the bells ring has deserted them. This section finishes with a unison held pitch, the harmonies and rhythms have abandoned the the piece and we are left with a solitary note.

The tenor soloist gives voice to this abandonment in the stanza 'And in despair I bowed my head...' He sings to the original melody of the Longfellow, but transformed into a minor key. His accompaniment is very sparse, just a few bells played with soft mallets hanging in the stillness.

But his despair isn't hopeless. The choir re-enters slowly layering their entrances over top of one another, as hope comes tumbling back to fill the silence. When the choir reaches its climax the handbells triumphantly return playing the melody of Silent Night, but this melody is now a song of triumph. 'God is not dead nor does He sleep!'.

As the choir fades on the final chord, the bells gently peal away to stillness.



Well that's the plan anyway :)

The piece will hopefully have it's first performance Monday Nov 29th at Rice University, but you can take a listen to a computer rendition of it (with the bells and the singers played your computer's sound card) by clicking this link here.

Jesus? Is that you? ~ You've Been Framed.

(Thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

Mark 6:1-4 (The Message)

Jesus left there and returned to his hometown. His disciples came along. On the Sabbath, he gave a lecture in the meeting place. He made a real hit, impressing everyone. "We had no idea he was this good!" they said. "How did he get so wise all of a sudden, get such ability?"

But in the next breath they were cutting him down: "He's just a carpenter—Mary's boy. We've known him since he was a kid. We know his brothers, James, Justus, Jude, and Simon, and his sisters. Who does he think he is?" They tripped over what little they knew about him and fell, sprawling. And they never got any further.

Jesus told them, "A prophet has little honor in his hometown, among his relatives, on the streets he played in as a child."


I think anyone who has gone 'home' after a significant period away has had an experience like this. I remember when I went back to live in my home town after many years of living away including 6 1/2 years in Texas. I had transformed into a different person, but because the people in my home had not witnessed that change it came as quite a surprise, and I found myself feeling uncomfortable in the place where I should have felt the most 'at home'.

Jesus was not recognized by the people who should have known him best. They saw with wonder that he had changed. How did he get so wise all of a sudden, get such ability? But all they could see were some of the external defining characteristics. Family. Occupation.

Aren't you the Carpenter? Who are you to put on airs? We know your family, your brothers and sisters are right here. They are good people. You had the same upbringing, what makes you so different, so special? We know the facts about who you are Jesus, we know what you are really like.

From the vantage point of history it's easy for me to be amazed that Jesus' hometown of Nazareth missed seeing what I think is obvious, but am I really that different?

I have my own framework of who Jesus is and how He works in my life. When something happens that falls out of my framework then it can't possibly be Jesus because 'Jesus wouldn't do that!' Most of the time my frame is invisible to me. We group ourselves with people who's frames resemble ours and spend our time maintaining the frame and defending ourselves against anything that would seek to put the slightest dent in it...

...until life happens and the frame that functioned so well has to be dismantled and rebuilt anew.

For me, the most recent frame shaking event was walking through the death of both my parents. It caused me to re-evaluate what I thought I knew about God, The World, Salvation, and Myself. The new frame I constructed from the rubble of the old one is more delicate and expansive, it lets more light shine through, it's not as oppressive. This is all good, but I need to be aware that it is still a frame, and so when life causes me to question it, I mustn't cling to it too tightly.

If I live by the mantra, 'Jesus worked that way, Jesus is working that way, Jesus will always work that way' I am in danger of missing Him when he does something different.

That's why I need Community. I cannot see my own blind spots, I don't perceive them as blind spots at all until someone else demonstrates them to me by walking into them and disappearing. I cannot see how my frame is obscuring Jesus from me until someone else in my community sees Him in a place that I cannot see.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

You have heard these things; look at them all. Will you not admit them? "From now on I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you.

Sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things; his right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him.


If all I keep is my old frame, then all I will sing are old songs.

Wander through the frame of your life, explore its depths, marvel at its beauty, and be willing to dismantle it.

September Games!

September was a slow month for games - 21 plays of a total of 15 different games, but there were some surprises to the list.

Ad Astra

This game of space exploration and colonization had not hit the table since 2009, and then somehow in September we remembered how good it was and it hit the table 3 times! Given the number of games we have, this is quite exceptional. The game plays like a hybrid of Settlers of Catan and Wallenstein/Shogun. Trading happens less in this game than Settlers, but the random element of what gets produced each turn is eliminated. With the clever card mechanism you can always guarantee that you can get what you want, but sometimes it's better to hope that someone else chooses what you want to do (so that you can do it as well and then use your turns to do something else). I'm not that good at predicting other people's moves as yet, but I enjoy the game :)

Castle Ravenloft

This game garnered 2 plays. It's based on the Dungeons and Dragons System, but this game has no need for a Dungeon Master to run the adventure and doesn't really feel like a role playing system. I used to play D&D as a teenager....I know in some people's minds that could mean I am 'Tainted by Satan' as D&D gained a ridiculous reputation as a gateway to Witchcraft and Satanism.

In a random aside, my parents were perfectly content for me and my friends to sit at the dining room table playing Dungeons and Dragons, but I was severely chastised when some of the Youth Group held a prayer meeting at our house!!!!!

But back to Castle Ravenloft. I'm not sure how it would bear up to repeated plays, the game is definitely one that I am sure the company will milk for expansions as some have already been announced. Having said that, it is a lot of fun and the way the game handles the monsters is very clever. It's also the kind of game you can teach as you play which is a bonus. The miniatures that come with the game look cool and add to the ambiance, and as it comes with many different adventures and a random modular board system I think it would be fairly repeatable, which means I probably just contradicted myself :)

Dvonn

Going back to the theme of old games making a surprising reappearance, with 2 plays, here is Dvonn. It's a 2 player abstract game, that plays quickly and offers some very interesting tactical decisions. Dvonn hadn't been played since July 09, so again it is surprising that it hit the table twice in September, though it is a great game to play while waiting for others to arrive.

Other older games making surprising reappearances include:

Bohnanza - fun planting beans :)

Notre Dame - watch out for those plague rats.

Stone Age - keeping your tribe alive.

The most interesting new games were Innovation and Hansa Teutonica. If I have to pick between the two I'll probably go with Innovation. Hansa Teutonica felt to me like a complex version of Thurn and Taxis, though to be fair, I was in the mood to play a different game, so I was a little biased against Hansa Teutonica before it hit the table. I'll definitely try it again.

For all of 2010 I have now played 119 different board games and logged 275 plays!!! April was my highest month with 47 plays, and June my lowest with only 19 (but as I was in nightly rehearsals for a musical during the entire month of June I'm impressed I managed that many)

Slow cooker Sweet and Hot Apple Pork

How to make your kitchen smell like Fall!

• Nonstick cooking spray
• 2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, chopped
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ½ teaspoon ground black pepper
• ½ teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1 (2 ½ pound) boneless pork shoulder or pork loin roast
• 3 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1 (21 oz) can Apple Pie Filling (Lucky Lead Brand if you can find it)
• 3 tablespoons all purpose flour


1. Lightly coat a 5-6 quart slow cooker with the nonstick cooking spray.
2. In a small bowl, combine the chipotle peppers, salt, pepper and paprika.
3. Rub mixture all over the pork.
4. Place pork in the slow cooker and top with the sweet potatoes, onion and pie filling.
5. Cover; cook on low heat for 6-8 hours or high for 3-4 hours.
6. Remove pork from the slow cooker, strain the remaining cooking liquid into a medium sauce pan and then cover the pork with the remaining onion, sweet potato, apple mix. Put some foil over this.
7. Stir together 1 cup of cold water and 3 tablespoons of flour until smooth. Add to the saucepan. Cook over medium high heat until mixture is thickened and bubbly.
8. Slice pork and serve with apple mixture and sauce.

Italian Sausage Soup

Another quick healthy recipe!


8 oz hot turkey Italian sausage (I normally just use the whole package and double all the other ingredients )
2 cups fat free less sodium chicken broth
1 can diced tomatoes with basil, garlic and oregano
½ cup uncooked small shell pasta (I recommend De Cecco brand in the blue box)
2 cups bagged baby spinach leaves
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
2 tablespoons basil


1. Heat large saucepan over medium heat.
2. Remove casings from sausage. Cook about 5 minutes until brown and crumbled.
3. Drain fat from pan.
4. Add broth, tomatoes and pasta.
5. Bring to boil over a high heat.
6. Cover, reduce heat and simmer 10 minutes or until pasta is done.
7. Remove from heat. Stir in spinach until wilted.
8. Sprinkle each serving with cheese and basil.

Here be Dragons?

The phrase 'Here be Dragons' has crept into popular culture, the idea that early map makers would mark the unexplored portions of their maps with that phrase and an image of the mythical beast. The cartographers didn't want to leave sections of the map blank, and if no one had been there, it stood to reason that the area must be dangerous and terrifying and contain wild beasts.

The number of historical maps that contain the phrase 'Here be Dragons' in English? Zero. The number of historical maps that contain that phrase in Latin? Just one, the Lenox Globe.

A part of me was very sad when I discovered this through a chance google search for this blog post. The phrase seemed an affirmation of the belief that says the unknown is scary and dangerous, you are so much better off staying to the familiar, the well-worn path. Strange monsters and savage ideas are waiting for the person who ventures into the unknown, it's better not to risk it.

At the center of old maps was Jerusalem, the Holy City, Mount Zion. The Presence of God, located in the familiar, the comfortable, the known. To step away from the center was to step away from the Divine, to leave the presence of God. I've written about this before.

Jesus said 'if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move.' (Matt 17:20)

When we have learned to identify 'Mount Zion' in our lives, we have the ability to move the mountain out to the edges, the rough places, the unknown. 'Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered'. Our Mount Zion is with us when we journey through the valley of the shadow of death.

When I imagine the landscape of my life, there are some areas that have definite dragons, places where I am scared to wander, but I can set my face to walk to those places when I am tethered at the center, when I 'carry' Mount Zion with me. There are Broken Relationships that need tending, Beliefs that need questioning and Attitudes that need confronting.

When you take a walk through the landscape of your life, what are the places you are avoiding? How can you carry Christ into those areas?

Points for making it to the end of this post, and bonus points if you recognized the totally gratuitous movie quote.

Baaa Baaa Black Sheep?

(This post is part of my reflections for my Ignatian Spiritual Exercises Group)



'In the English language, Black sheep is an idiom used to describe an odd or disreputable member of a group, especially within one's family. The term has typically been given negative implications, implying waywardness.' ~ from Wikipedia

I've spent a lot of this week mulling over some of John 10 and I need to write to try and give my thoughts some shape.

"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out."

When I read this passage in the past, I had always fixed on the Shepherd (Jesus) and the Sheep (us). I had totally missed The Watchman who opens the gate for Jesus to come in. I started to fixate on who is the Watchman? Is it the Holy Spirit? Perhaps a reference to Ministers? I mulled it over for quite a while and then my mind wandered to the comic book series Watchmen and I sort of drifted on to other things.

When I revisited my scrawled thoughts again two new questions formed for me a) Who have been 'Watchmen' for me? and b) Who are 'Watchmen' for me now?

(I should say right now that the following list is nowhere near exhaustive!)

Reflecting on the questions brought up a lot of gratitude and a little sadness.

I think of my friend Sean (go buy his book!) who I have done life deeply with for years. I remember one special summer when we would get together every few days and share. He was wrestling with his demons and I with mine, and somehow together we made it through a stressful time by being two wounded people leaning on each other. Sean showed me the compassion of God.

I think of my friend Joy back in the U.K. Another person I leaned on heavily when I was wrestling with some of those deep questions of 'Who Am I?'. I lived in her house for 9 months and felt a great part of the many ragamuffins she had gathered around the table. Joy showed me the abundant grace of God.

I remember Duncan, my university Chaplain. Another person who went beyond the the demands of his job by welcoming me into his home. His gentle presence shaped me and gently showed me another way from out between my rigid thinking and theology, and he did it with kindness and humor. He was also responsible for starting me down my journey of Ignatian Spirituality. Duncan showed me the mystery of God.

I remember (with a little sadness) my friend O.B. He became someone who's wise counsel I valued for many years. It's amazing how a chance assignment as roommates lead to a friendship that traveled around the world. I'm a little sad because he seems to have distanced himself from me now. I recognize that friendships ebb and flow, things die when they need too, and so I grieve a little for the loss of what was. O.B. showed me the majesty of God.

Michael was a 'God send'. I was in a new country and I prayed for a friend. We only ever lived in the same city for under a year, but somehow we've stayed connected at a deep level. He shows me the laughter of God in so many ways. We are brothers from different mothers.

Scott was a Speaker at a ski retreat I was leading worship on. A bad patch of ice meant that I spent my days sitting in the ski lodge chatting with him. Somehow the Speaker became the Friend, became the Therapist, became the Brother. There are not many people who will respond with calm compassion and a hot cup of tea when you tearfully call them at 3:30am. Scott's compassion and insight blesses me. He has supported me and been a cheerleader for me even when my journey has taken turns he might question. It is humbling to have someone who always believes the best of you.

Jerry is a work colleague. His knowledge, creativity and humbleness astound me. Like Scott and Duncan he has been another person revealing another way to God in my life. He has a refreshing 'earthy holiness' - he can be quoting inappropriate lines from The Office one minute, and profound thoughts from Ignatius of Loyola the next. We are very different and yet so similar.

Steve has shown me the love of God in a way I never thought possible. He has opened up my understanding of where God is and what it means to live with integrity in this world. He calls forth the best in me and embraces the worst in me. I am more fully 'me' because of his presence and his love in my life.

There are more people I could list, but the thing I noticed is that only 2 of the people listed above live in Houston. I've had many 'Watchmen' in my life, but I do find myself longing for some more present close by. I have many wonderful friends here in Houston, and all of them, whether they know it or not, reveal something of God to me, but I find myself longing for something more tangible again. Maybe the Ignatian Group I am facilitating will somehow become that for me.

__________________________________________

"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

In the past when I've read this I've focused on verse 10 '...life, and have it to the full.', but this time verse 9 has caught my eye. It's the phrase 'he will come in and go out'. I found myself wondering what side of the gate is 'inside' and which is 'outside'. I found myself imaging sheep facing each other through a gate and both sides encouraging the other to step through the gate so that they can be 'inside'.

In my spiritual life I think I've become so turned around that I no longer am sure whether I am in or outside. I wonder if the litmus test is verse 10? You know you are inside when you are experiencing life in all it's fullness? I know that as my spiritual journey caused me to embrace the fact that I was a 'black sheep' within the flock of God, I found life getting infinitely richer. But I also worry that if the only test for 'inside' is 'life to the full' then have I made the spiritual journey ultimately self serving? My needs, my fulfillment? Maybe asking questions about 'inside or outside' are the wrong questions.

I find myself returning to my thoughts from over a year ago about how I think the church has become good at the wrong thing. We weren't created to issue pronouncements about 'Good' and 'Evil'. In fact God did not even create us to know the difference between the two. The tree was there but we were clearly told "Don't Touch". It seems that now we have eaten of the fruit of the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil we want to make sure that everyone knows it. We issue our statements, declare opinion as fact, and leave the garden untended. We're too busy talking to go walking with God.

Creamy Tomato-Balsamic Soup

This is so good, easy, and makes the kitchen smell great!


Creamy Tomato-Balsamic Soup

• 1 cup low sodium beef broth, divided
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• 1 tablespoon low sodium soy sauce
• One coarsely chopped onion
• 5 garlic cloves (peeled)
• 2 x 28oz cans whole tomatoes, drained
• Cooking spray
• 3/c up half and half or ½ cup whipping cream

1. Preheat oven to 500F (this is not a typo, really!!!)

2. Combine ½ cup of broth, brown sugar, vinegar and soy in a small bowl.

3. Place onion, garlic and tomatoes in a 13x9 baking pan coated in cooking spray.

4. Pour broth mixture over tomato mixture.

5. Bake at 500F for 50 minutes or until vegetables are lightly browned.

6. Place tomato mixture in a blender and add remaining ½ cup of broth and half and half/whipping cream.

7. Process until smooth. Garnish with cracked pepper is desired.

Slow Cooker Dr Pepper Pulled Pork

Here's something yummy and different :)

Slow Cooker Dr. Pepper Pulled Pork

• 2.5lbs pork tenderloin
• Salt and pepper to taste
• ¼ onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 ½ teaspoons dry mustard
• 2 to 3 teaspoons cayenne pepper
• ¼ cup apple cider vinegar
• 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 12 oz cans (or 3 cups) Dr. Pepper or any other caramel colored soda – not diet!
• BBQ Sauce to taste – usually at least 18oz
• Hoagie rolls
• (Purchased coleslaw if desired)

1. Put pork, salt, pepper, onion, garlic, dry mustard, cayenne pepper, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce and Dr Pepper into the slow cooker.

2. Cook on low for a minimum of 4 hours. Check tenderness, if pork shreds easily, shred pork with tines of two forks. Continue cooking at least another 30 minutes.

3. Drain excess liquid. Coat pork, to taste, with BBQ sauce and cook another 30 minutes.

4. Serve on Hoagie rolls topped with slaw if desired.

Slow Cooker Dr Pepper Pulled Pork

Here's something yummy and different :)


Slow Cooker Dr. Pepper Pulled Pork

• 2.5lbs pork tenderloin
• Salt and pepper to taste
• ¼ onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 ½ teaspoons dry mustard
• 2 to 3 teaspoons cayenne pepper
• ¼ cup apple cider vinegar
• 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 12 oz cans (or 3 cups) Dr. Pepper or any other caramel colored soda – not diet!
• BBQ Sauce to taste – usually at least 18oz
• Hoagie rolls
• (Purchased coleslaw if desired)

1. Put pork, salt, pepper, onion, garlic, dry mustard, cayenne pepper, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce and Dr Pepper into the slow cooker.

2. Cook on low for a minimum of 4 hours. Check tenderness, if pork shreds easily, shred pork with tines of two forks. Continue cooking at least another 30 minutes.

3. Drain excess liquid. Coat pork, to taste, with BBQ sauce and cook another 30 minutes.

4. Serve on Hoagie rolls topped with slaw if desired.

Are we there yet?

The LORD had said to Abram,

"Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
"I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

So Abram left, as the LORD had told him

And so began quite a journey.

Haran ----Canaan----Shechem---Bethel---Negev---Egypt---Negev---Bethel---Hebron

And that's just in chapters 12 and 13

Set up the camp, live for a while, tear down and move on is the rhythm of the nomadic lifestyle. Don't get too fixed to the view outside your tent because it is soon going to change. Don't be surprised if you return to a place where you've camped before, but realize that although the camp ground may be the same, you've changed. We grow on the journey, and, like impatient children we long to cry out

'Are we there yet? When do we get to the promised land? When do we get to stop moving? I'm tired of carrying my tent. Haven't we been this way already? Are we lost? I'm hungry.'

My experience of the Spiritual Journey is remarkably similar, as are my complaints. I tend to be less willing to move spiritually however, ripping up spiritual tent pegs leaves me with the fear that my tent is going to collapse, that somehow I am journeying into Apostasy rather than Faithfulness....

... and sometimes I do wander the wrong way, but the God who led me this far will not abandon me in the desert of my own making.

...and sometimes what seemed like Apostasy from the outside is actually a new land overflowing with Grace and beauty and experiences with God that I could never have dreamed of when I was sitting in my tent staring at the plain before me with fear and trepidation.

If I want to be certain of every step, convinced of every path, then I will never leave my campground. My entire spiritual journey will be lived in small repetitive circles, never daring to venture into the wilderness.

I am embarking on a journey that begins tomorrow. I am facilitating a group through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. The journey takes about 40 weeks of reading, reflecting, praying and sharing. I last made this journey 2 years ago, and it caused me to encounter God in new ways. This time, although I have a greater idea of the route. I also know that I am a different person. I need to not just visit 'familiar camp grounds'. Instead I need to trust the path and and see what I need to see.

I don't know yet what tent pegs will be the hardest to remove. I'm not sure where the landscape of my life is the most unyielding and inhospitable. I do know that the journey will take me to all those places if I choose to hike the difficult trails.

And I do know that I journey following a trail guide who has been this way before and knows the landscape far more intimately than I will ever know it.

I just hope that when I start asking 'Are we there yet?' - for at some point I know I will complain, that I don't let my complaints shield me from the wondrous beauty of the journey. I'd hate to miss the sights because I'm whining.

Happy Trails.

Words to remember

Where you are (however unchosen) is the place of blessing.
How you are (however broken) is the place of grace.
Who you are, in your becoming, is your place in the Kingdom.


from 'Inner Compass' ~ Margaret Silf

Poetry for the Soul

Imaginary Career - Rilke

At first a childhood, limitless and free
of any goals. Ah, sweet unconsciousness.
Then, sudden terror, schoolrooms, slavery,
the plunge into temptation and deep loss.

Defiance. The child bent becomes the bender,
inflicts on others what he once went through.
Loved, feared, rescuer, wrestler, victor,
he takes his vengeance, blow by blow.

And now in cast, cold, empty space, alone.
Yet hidden deep within the grown-up heart,
a longing for the first world, the ancient one.

Then, from His place of ambush, God leapt out.

I need to be careful watching the sun rise

The sun rises over lush green hillsides. The light suddenly breaks over the mountain and rolls down over the landscape transforming it from black and white to glorious technicolor. The landscape comes alive after the velvety embrace of night.

Melody soars over the landscape as the scenery begins to dance in a joyous celebration of life.

'This is who I am, this is what I was created for' it exults in celebration.

'I can do no more and strive for no more than what I was created to be. Anything else is just pretense. The tree cannot be a rock, the stream cannot be a sparrow.'

As the light embraces the landscape it is ever changing. As the sun moves areas of shade begin to blaze, the fiercest brightness becomes muted as the kaleidoscope of living rotates across the land. The roll of hills is transformed into a phrase of melodic beauty, a fragment that is echoed in different textures and shades as the various colors of the orchestra play along with it. The light on the landscape is ever shifting, ever dancing. The melodies and colors interweave and dance. The song of the evening, so different and so similar to the morning, is heard again until the darkness embraces the land and rest welcomes it into its cool dark embrace once more.

The Art of Leavings

We talked about Leavings this weekend in the Contemplative Service. Life is full of them, so we need to leave well.

Leavings can be Geographical, Relational, Belief Systems, Behavior Patterns:

• I left Norwich, England.
• I left an unhealthy friendship
• I left the belief that God was pleased when I felt guilty
• I am leaving the pattern of always believing someone is going to tell me something negative when they ask to speak to me.

As you can see from my list above, some Leavings are simpler than others, some are one time events whereas some are ongoing.

Early on in this service we used the following Liturgy:

A Litany of Leaving
Gen 12:1; Jonah 1-2a, 3a; Matt 13b; John 8 10-11; Psalm 139: 7- 12

Now the Lord said to Abram,
“Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land I will show you.”

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid Your Spirit? To be out of Your sight?

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai saying,
“Go at once to Nineveh, that great city and cry out against it”
But Jonah set out to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord.

If I climb to the sky, You’re there! If I go underground, You’re there!

An angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said,
“Get up, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt.”

If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute –
You’re already there waiting!

Jesus straightened up and said to her,
“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.”
And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to You:
Night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to You.

The interweaving of different biblical accounts of Leavings combined with the Psalmist's experience of the presence of God seemed to work well.

As I was reflecting more on Leavings, I think they fall into 4 categories, and I've enlisted the help of a group of talented rabbits to explain what I mean:

1. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

(the 30 second Bunnies present 'Gone with The Wind')

Some things are easy to leave. We put them to one side and move on with barely a second thought to whatever we have left. I must confess that I've only seen G.W.T.W. once, but when I was thinking through this post, Rhett's line was what sprang to mind.

2. "...and if you don't get on that plane, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."



(ok, so the quote wasn't in this 30 second Casablanca, but it was still a great little clip.)

There are some leavings we agonize over, is this the right decision or not. We know that our leaving will impact our lives in ways we cannot foresee. I need to realize that any leaving, even a pleasant one, has an element of grief to it. Any emotions that are connected to what we have left behind are going to 'flap lose in the wind' for a while.

3. "I'll never let go, Jack. I promise."


(This is definitely a more palatable version of Titanic.)

Some Leavings are not of our choosing. These can be some of the most difficult to accept and the hardest to grieve.

4. "I wish I knew how to quit you."


(Bunnies running wild on Brokeback Mountain)

Some things are practically impossible to leave, even when staying is destroying us. Belief systems, addictive behaviors, unhealthy relationships can all have a hold on us that require supernatural intervention to break.

Fortunately we have a God who not only loves us, but never abandons us. No matter how far we may leave, we cannot leave His presence.


Is there any place you can go to avoid My Spirit? To be out of My sight?
If you climb to the sky, I'm there! If you go underground, I'm there!
If you flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, I'd find you in a minute –
I'm already there waiting!
Hear Me say to you, “Oh, I even see you in the dark!
At night You're immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to me;
Night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to me.


What leavings come to mind as you read this post? How was God present to you in the midst of them?

August Games

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

I never posted the games I played in August :( I'm such a slacker.

August had 35 plays of 19 different games

Top games of the month with 3 plays a piece were Dominion, Felix - the cat in the sack and Ta Yu.

Nothing very extra ordinary in that bunch...so what games from August stuck out for me?

Marracash made it back to the table after a very long absence and was very enjoyable. Building market stalls in the old city and acting as a guide to tourists is a fun way to make a profit. I know how to play the game, but there are so many ways to make money in this gem I've not quite worked out the strategy yet.

Small World also hadn't been on the table for a while. It's fun using flying Tritons to take down some Bivouacking Elves :)


Currently for this year Hive is still in the no 1 spot with 20 plays, but Werewolf is close behind at 18.

Veggie Stew

This is one of the quick recipes I am teaching today :)


Vegetable Stew
(Serves about 4 depending on appetite and accompaniment)

• 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
• 3 cloves of garlic, smashed (or use the pre-chopped stuff)
• 1lb Crimini mushrooms (halved) - or use baby bella, or white button.
• 1 medium zucchini, quartered lengthwise and cut into 1 inch pieces
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• Salt and pepper
• 1 can chickpeas (15 oz) drained
• 1 ½ teaspoons ground cumin
• 1 large can diced tomatoes in puree (28 oz)
• 2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, finely chopped.

1. In a medium pot over medium heat, sauté the garlic and mushrooms in the oil for about 3 minutes.

2. Add the zucchini and onion to the pot and season the veggies with the salt and pepper. Sauté another 5 minutes.

3. Add chick peas, cumin, tomato and chopped rosemary. Bring to a bubble, reduce heat to low and simmer for about 10 minutes.


What can you do with it? Well I have been known to serve it with rice, or use it as a simple side dish or even serve it with potato cheese pancakes.

Slow-Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup

This is currently bubbling away in my Slow-Cooker, so easy yet so good.

2-3 chicken breasts (about 1lb)
1 15oz can diced tomatoes
1 10oz can red enchilada sauce
1 medium onion, chopped
1 4oz can chopped green chile peppers
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 cups of water
1 14.5oz can chicken broth
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 bay leaf
1 10oz package frozen corn
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
Tortilla chips

Put everything into the slow-cooker except the tortilla chips. Cover, and cook on Low for 6-8 hours or on High for 3-4 hours.

Remove the chicken breasts, shred them with a fork (or fingers) then stir back into the soup.

To serve, put some soup in the bowl and sprinkle some lightly crushed tortilla chips on top.

I also often swirl in a squirt of lime juice into the soup too.

Simple, but delicious!

A Burnt Offering Unto the Lord?

With the very specific instructions regarding Burnt Offerings in the book of Leviticus I'm surprised that the church has not created a 'Grilling Sunday'. Worship would happen in the parking lot with people all around their makeshift altars. Of course we already have the equivalent of the Protestant/Catholic divide, only here it would be Propane/Charcoal. I can foresee denominations forming around issues such as Brickets, Hickory, and Mesquite. I'm quite sure plank grilling would create its own cult as well.

In case you can't tell by my random musings above, on Saturday I went out and bought a grill.

First step - assembly!

The top of my 'altar' resting on its foam packing.


Various other parts strewn over both tables.

And after a couple of hours wrestling with screwdrivers and locking washers, behold!!! The only question was, would it fit through the door to the patio.

I connected up the Propane and we had heat. I was unable to test it yesterday as I had a surprise party to go to, so I rushed home after church and fired up the grill for the first time.

Now, regular readers of my blog know that I am almost fearless in the kitchen, elaborate cakes, 8 hour Cuban pork loin, complex pastry creations, fondant icing, you name it I've probably tried it. But there is something about grilling that is fearful for me - which is precisely why I bought the grill.

Men who would never darken the doors of the kitchen except to grab a beer from the fridge go almost Neanderthal at the grill. Women are banished as cooking over the fire is man's work. This is a stereotype of course, but the thing about stereotypes is that they do exist somewhere.

Anyway there is something in my internal thoughts that tells me I would not be good at grilling because I am not a 'Man's Man' - of course I have no idea what that term even means, but as I still can't even comprehend the rules of Football let alone understand its appeal, my internal thoughts have a foothold.

To conquer this I purchased this steel altar of masculinity.

And for its maiden voyage I made the following:

Chipotle Burgers

1 1/2 pounds ground beef (I used Angus 80/20 as you don't want the meat too lean)

2 Chipotle Chiles from a can of Chipotles in Adobo Sauce (Separate the rest into sandwich bags and freeze)

2 Tablespoons adobo sauce from the can.

3/4 teaspoon ground oregano

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

3 minced green onions

1 1/2 teaspoon salt.

Mix all the ingredients together and form into 4 hamburger patties - chill for 30 minutes. If you make the patties slightly thinner in the middle than the edge then they won't balloon up during cooking.

They took about 7 minutes on the grill.

So how did it go? Well I was pleased that they weren't burnt and they weren't raw either. I cooked them over slightly too high a heat so I had a few more flare ups than expected, but I didn't lose any parts of them down into the heart of the grill and I was pleased that they were still moist when cooked.

My next attempt will be a Caribbean Pork Tenderloin, so if you hear a firetruck approaching the Heights, don't worry, I'm just conquering my fears and cooking dinner :)

I've met this woman many times :)

Having worked for churches most of my adult life I know how scarily accurate this is!

An incredible journey through the history of western music.

(and I love it when they all just speak the name 'Cage')

Manicotti Madness

I've been cooking Manicotti a lot recently...and thanks to America's Test Kitchen it's not as difficult as I imagined. The hardest thing was always stuffing the tubes with filling, any technique I tried (spoons, piping bags, plastic bags with the corners cut off) always failed and ended in a mess. America's Test Kitchen to the rescue!

Lightly saute some garlic and red pepper flakes in some olive oil. (you can also add 1lb Italian sausage and brown it too if you so desire) Add 2 28oz cans of chopped tomatoes that you have blitzed in the food processor and a little salt and then lightly simmer for 15 minutes. When the 15 minutes is up, take the sauce off the heat and stir in 2 tablespoons of chopped fresh basil.

Meanwhile put 16 no boil lasagna noodles (preferably Barilla) in an 9x13 pan and soak them in boiling water for 5 minutes. I recommend spraying each layer of noodles lightly with Pam to stop them sticking.

After 5 minutes, take them out and spread them around the kitchen on paper towels to drain. Having lots of counter space really helps here :)

The filling is 3 cups ricotta, 4 oz grated Parmesan, 8 oz shredded mozzarella, 2 lightly beaten eggs, a little black pepper, salt, 2 tablespoons of chopped parsley and 2 tablespoons of chopped basil all mixed well together.

Taking one noodle at a time, cover 3/4 of the noodle with about 1/4 cup of filling and then roll up from the filled edge up. Here is where a picture says a thousand words...

Partially rolled up...

The uncovered noodle will seal against the rest to hold it closed. Place 1 1/2 cups of sauce in the bottom of the pan and then put in the 16 Manicotti.

Cover all of the Manicotti with the remaining sauce, making sure all of the pasta is covered.

Cover with foil and bake in a preheated oven at 375F for 40 minutes. Remove the foil and then sprinkle 1 cup of Parmesan over the top and then place under the broiler until brown (about 4-6 minutes).

Cool for about 15 minutes so nobody burns themselves, and then serve.

Delicious!!!!!

I'd seen the anonymous quote many times before, but to see it on a chuch billboard really irritated me for some reason -

"Feeling far away from God? Guess who moved?"

What I read was 'You've only got yourself to blame if God is distant, he didn't go anywhere, you did. Look at how bad and unfaithful you are. If you really loved God then you'd feel close to Him. If you were more obedient then you'd be able to practice the presence of God all the time.'

It was at this point that my mental rant stopped as a single verse came to mind.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Jesus' obedience to the Father didn't guarentee warm fuzzy feelings of God's nearness. I've written before about the tendency to label a particular emotional experience as 'The Presence of God' and to use that emotion as a filter through which we see all experiences. If the experience replicates that emotion then God was present, if it didn't then God was distant.

But there is another error here, though maybe to be kind it's more the inadequacy of language. There is a trio of Seminary words used to describe God. - Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omniscient. Present Everywhere, All Powerful, and All Knowing. But if God is present everywhere, how can I ever be distant from him?

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

If God is everywhere as the psalmist says then I cannot have moved away from Him. The language of distance between us and God pervades church culture, I find myself using it. I talk of 'Drawing close to God' and 'wanting to be where God is' even though it's like saying I want to draw closer to the atmosphere.

Thoughts on Doubt

Mark 6:6a - and he was amazed at their unbelief


Does my unbelief amaze you?
Do I know too much about you to trust you anymore?
Oh I love you deeply, but that doesn't mean I'll let my barriers down.
We've been through too much together you and I,
And I have the scars to show for it.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

I've swallowed enough shame for this lifetime.
I've begged, pleased, asked, promised, cajoled...all to no avail.
The song says 'Jesus blood never failed me yet'
My response is - 'Ha! Keep trying, it will.'

_______________________



Certainty and Belief are not synonyms
Belief and Doubt are not antonyms


_______________________


I want a Liturgy of Doubt
One that rails against absolutes,
That raises the eternal 'If/Then' to heaven.

"If you are good, then why......."
"If you love me, then how come....."

But life isn't as logical and linear as 'If A then B'.
Maybe the doubt I want vocalized in the liturgy needs to creep into my arguments.
Does A always lead to B?

Has Certainty become and idol and Doubt a pariah?
Has knowing Good and Evil become more important than walking with God in the cool of the evening?

'Step away from that fruit, and no one gets hurt.'

Resistance maybe futile, but it does cause delays.

I have a lot of blog posts rolling around in my mind right now. Lots of things happen and I think 'I need to write about that' but for some reason I don't.

• I want to blog about the Prodigal Son. How all of us need to leave our false ideas of 'Father' so that we can actually discover the truth of who he is. I want to write about the older son, how his misconceptions of 'Father' are also shattered when his brother comes home.

• I want to write about the Bernstein Mass, a piece of music I have been listening to a lot over this past weekend. How the climax when the Priest throws down the communion chalice and the monstrance, dances on the altar and rips the vestments has captured my attention. Of how faith is restored with a simple song of praise.

• I plan to write about 'Pillars of the Earth' the mini-series. Of how it differs from the book and of the tension it causes within me and how I'm trying to speculate abut why they made the changes.

• I should write about the surprise of making Manicotti, of improvising fillings for stuffed peppers, of attempting to merge two disparate recipes together and create something new.

• I intend to go through my boardgame shelves and make a blog post of the games that I hope will get to the table and be played again before the year is through. I need to start researching what games I hope to try at the Convention in November.

• I hope to write about the music I'm currently composing. Of trying different techniques in writing and arranging. In trying to find a new sound that is not just a repeat of what I have written before.

For some reason I have resistance to all of this. If somehow putting these topics down in words will somehow pin them like a butterfly pinned to a board. I'm not ready for them to be fixed yet, my ideas are still flitting around, fluttering through my head...

...and in the meantime my blog stands quietly waiting, longing for an entry. I fill it with snippets, an media clip here, a quote there, a quick picture, all things that capture my interest, but nothing that is indicative of who I am at a deep level. I'm ok with this most days, I've not had complaints of my lack of blogging, it's not like I am hounded by readers desperate to hang on my every word.

I have written, and I will write, but for now I'm ok sitting with all that is going on, with no need to lock it into place with words.

One Reason why I love Sondheim

When most people talk about the genius of Sondheim, they start by talking about his lyric writing. Yes his lyrics are superb, but so are his melodies and harmonies. I think they are so well constructed that people often miss their elegance. Anthony Tommasini does a fantastic job of showing just three examples of brilliance in different Sondheim scores, things that if you are not a musician you may miss, and if you are not a composer you may not understand the complexity and genius.

This is why, unlike other musical soundtracks, I rarely tire of listening to Stephen.

Quote of the Day

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

Things you wouldn't expect...

I learned how to use one of these today :)

July Games Played

I've been travelling a lot so I haven't had a chance to post, but here is July's Games.

I played 23 games of 18 different games.

The highlights?

Well Dominion was top with 4 plays. It was last years top game, and it is showing no sign of slowing down as yet. It's turning into an interesting battle for the top spot. Hive still has the lead for the year with 18 plays, but it hasn't hit the table in the last 2 months. Werewolf has 17 plays, and Dominion has 15 - anyone could be the end of year winner, or could something else emerge?

Power Grid - Factory Manager had 2 plays this past month as did Sticheln which is fast becoming one of my favorite trick taking games.

The rest of the month was taken up with single plays of various games, some old faithfuls and some new games. The latter category included first plays of Castle Keep, Ghost Stories, Homesteaders, Im Reich der Jadegottin, Nuns on the Run and Tarantel Tango.

I seem to have a habit of playing many new games and not so many repeats, maybe I'll push for some older faithfuls to reappear on the table.

Some Awesome Footwork!

Facebook Weirdness

I was surprised at this ad popping up on facebook today...

How does liking Doctor Who mean that you like Project Runway??!!!

I used to feel like this a lot.....

....but not so much anymore :)

What are you seeking?

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post about 'The Pearl of Great Price' that ended with three reflection questions.

• What are you seeking?
• Where are you experiencing anxiety and what is that anxiety trying to tell you?
• What should you hold and what should you release?

Normally I'm very good about posting but bad about following up with the questions I suggest. I posited the questions at the end of the Contemplative Service, and, to help people remember them I gave out postcards with the three questions on them. I've kept one by my work computer and one at home. Consequently I've found myself drawn to the questions, but I can't get past the first one.

As I've sat and sporadically reflected the first thing I've noticed is how different I choose to respond to that question now. In the past a question like 'What are you seeking?' would have solicited a response that cataloged in detail all the things that I am longing for that are not 'The Kingdom of God'. The question would have been a prompt to beat myself up for being 'Un-spiritual' and 'sin ridden'. This time has been different. I became aware of how much the image of Psalm 131 has worked into my life:

My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Still. Quiet. Rested. Relaxed. And definitely no seeking.

Not seeking is good right? It's a sign of contentment, and it can also be a sign of complacency. So many of the actions I take in life can be interpreted in many ways. I can sit and read a book or watch tv as a way of relaxing or it can be a means of avoidance. I often judge other people (and myself) by their actions, but it is the internal attitude that gives the action meaning.

So what have I learned asking myself about seeking?

I've started composing again. It's something I enjoy, but I I've working on the same piece for months now, I told myself that I had Writers Block and no time to compose, but the truth was I decided that if I didn't flow easily then it wasn't going to flow at all. I can be a lazy composer at times. Since I've been asking the question again I've found myself wanting to compose more and being more willing to push through the barriers that prevent me from putting notes on staves. I've even found myself wondering again about further study in the field, maybe a Masters Degree. I may not pursue it, but I'm enjoying the dreaming.

I've also found myself wondering about sailing. (!) A chance conversation with a co-worker prompted my reflection. She excitedly mentioned her new kayaking classes and it got me thinking. When I was child I adored the 'Swallows and Amazons' series by Arthur Ransome. Set between the wars, they were the fantastic adventures of children sailing small dinghies at various locations in the U.K. and further afield. I reread the books recently after Steve bought them for me for Christmas. I occasionally find myself wondering what it would be like to learn how to sail a small dinghy. As I drove over Atchafalaya this past weekend I imagined navigating the rivers in a small craft. I am not an outdoorsy person, but something about the idea of sailing resonates with me. I may not pursue lessons, but I'm enjoying the dreaming.

And so I keep asking myself the question 'What am I seeking?' because it has become a doorway that is opening me up to hopes, dreams and memories.

What are you seeking?

What dreams are you enjoying?

Something to smile about

For some reason this combination of Laurel and Hardy crossed with Santana brought a smile to my face this evening.

My nephew the movie maker :)

I posted a previous movie by my Nephew here. Here's a new one that he did.

Enjoy!

Know the difference!

I am glad they make the disctinction between accordions and musical instruments :)

This pic just makes me smile, I posted it on facebook but I thought I would share it here as well. I took this pic over on W. Belfort, I'm so tempted to go in the store sometime!

Give it away, give it away, give it away now?

Thoughts for the Contemplative Service

The Pearl of Great Price

He asked what I was looking for.
"Frankly," I said, "I'm looking for the Pearl of Great Price."
He slipped his hand into his pocket, drew it out, AND GAVE IT TO ME. It was just like that! I was dumbfounded. Then I began to protest: "You don't want to give it to me? Don't you want to keep it for yourself? But..."
When I kept this up, he said finally, "Look, is it better to have the Pearl of Great Price, or to give it away? -
Well, now I have it. I don't tell anyone. From some there would just be disbelief and ridicule. "You, you have the Pearl of Great Price? Hah!" Others would be jealous, or someone might steal it. Yes, I do have it. But there's that question - 'Is it better to have it, or to give it away?" How long will that question rob me of my joy?

~From 'Tales of a Magic Monastery' by Theophane the Monk


I find I get distracted by this story, I want to know exactly what the Pearl of Great Price is. I want to pin down an exact meaning to every sentence, and I get frustrated that Theophane doesn't end the story neatly and tie a bow around it. We are left with the question 'Is it better to have it, or to give it away?'

The Pearl of Great Price, the item that had been the monk's desire, has become a source of anxiety. What if somebody tries to steal it? Are other people jealous of me for having it? Do they even believe me when I say it is my possession?

That anxiety is a sign that something is off balance, and so the question of Holding or Releasing robs the monk of the joy of possession. The identity of the pearl is not important, what is at issue is what the pearl has done to him. The pearl brings anxiety rather than peace, worry rather than joy, and that anxiety and worry is trying to speak to him.

The rhythm of life is one of Holding and Releasing. But moving through life with open hands, holding onto our pearls loosely and living out of grace and generosity is difficult. We need to be careful that our 'Pearls' do not become 'Idols'.

One example that my friend Jerry gave was of Reputation.

"When I thought of the pearl in these terms this morning, my mind went to “reputation” as something that we hold onto. Concern for our reputation, for what others think of us or even how we esteem ourselves is easily an idol that our culture justifies without question. We think that a stellar reputation is the highest good. “Reputation” is an investment in what others think about us (not in who we actually are). It is possible to hold onto a good reputation while what is inside us is degenerative, because “reputation” has to do with appearances, not the actual reality. “Seeking” and “holding onto” a good reputation may seem like a valuable “pearl,” but held in the pocket without touching the core it is essentially worthless in the larger scheme of life."


Paul wrote in Philippians ch 4:

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Questions for reflection:

• What are you seeking?
• Where are you experiencing anxiety and what is that anxiety trying to tell you?
• What should you hold and what should you release?
  

Not your momma's tuna salad!

Tuna salad isn't something that I get excited by. I'll eat it, but I never thought I would devote a blog post to it. That changed a couple of years ago when I stumbled across a tuna salad recipe from Penzeys Spices.

Then, horror of horrors I gave my copy of the recipe away by accident.

Last week I was given some crystallized ginger by a friend who had obtained it from Italy (oooh fancy!) and it inspired me to attempt to hunt the recipe down. Fortunately my good friend Google helped me locate it in a far away forgotten corner of the internet.

So here it is in all its wonderful tuna glory - I've even fed this to people who don't like mayonnaise with nary a single complaint! This is definitely not my mom's tuna salad (or even my mum's tuna salad GRIN)....the reason being is that my mum never made tuna salad in her life, she would on occasion do some very strange culinary experiments with canned salmon though!

Gingered Tuna Salad

1 (7 5/8 ounce) fresh pouch tuna in water - see note below
2 teaspoons curry powder
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 cup red onion, minced
3 tablespoons crystallized ginger, chopped - see note below
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup pecans, chopped
1 dash cayenne pepper

1. In a small saucepan over low heat, saute the curry powder in olive oil for 5 minutes, stirring frequently.
2. While the curry powder is cooking, mince the onion and chop the crystallized ginger.
3. In a medium bowl, add the mayonnaise, rice vinegar and Dijon mustard; whisk to blend.
4. Add the cooked curry powder, crystallized ginger, onion, pecans and cayenne pepper; whisk again to thoroughly blend.
5. Add the tuna and mix with a fork until tuna is well blended and coated with the dressing.

Notes

I've listed the tuna packet size as listed in the recipe, I couldn't find that size when I went to the store yesterday so I just bought 3 packets that were 2.6 oz. At my store they were only $1 each.

Crystallized ginger is usually in the spice section, it's expensive, but if you are lucky you've saved on the tuna!

The recipe claims that it serves 4, I would think 3 is probably more accurate, at least it is if you have an appetite like mine!

Happy Birthday America!

June Games Played

June was a very low month for games seeing as I was in rehearsals every week night for 'The Mystery of Edwin Drood', but I still managed 19 plays of a total of 6 different games - though I hasten to add that 13 of those plays were in one evening of helping someone babysit!

Animal Upon Animal

A simple stacking game that can get surprisingly competitive due to the fun randomness of the shapes :)

Gulo Gulo

Another dexterity game, this time stealing eggs from a nest. Incidentally this pic on the left is 3 generations of my family all playing Gulo Gulo. That's my Mom, Brother and Nephew all engrossed in a game many years ago.

The other games this month were:

Pass the Bomb (a good party game)

The Bucket King

Fluch De Mumie

Tichu

So after 6 months, here are the top three:

First with 18 plays is Hive.

Second place with 16 plays is Werewolf

Third place with 10 plays is Animal Upon Animal

Last years winner Dominion is lagging behind in 4th place with 8 plays.

So far this year I have played 193 games!!!!! Will I beat last years record of 378 plays? It's looking possible

Something to ponder

"I think too many churches have worked on the model of “behave, believe, belong.” For example, if one behaves the proper way and believes proper doctrine, then he or she can belong to the church. Rather, we should foster communities where you can belong, surrounded by Christians learning about the love of Christ. Then through belonging, one believes. And only after belief in the risen Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit will transformation happen or behavior change. Thus, Belong, Believe, Behave." ~ Nathan Albert