A Lexicon of Grief
My vocabulary has changed.
My brain made the transition without consulting my heart.
My heart prefers the sounds of 'S' -
A consonant that slides into infinity with an almost imperceptible transition
Like an exhale that continues forever
Never quite hearing the moment where sound embraces silence.
My brain is stealing the 'S's and switching them to 'D's -
A heavy consonant that ends the word with no hint of a reprieve.
'D' is the extinguishing of a candle,
The slamming of a door,
The closing of a coffin.
My vocabulary has changed,
The new words tumble out of my mouth with a feel of the unfamiliar -
Like new shoes that have yet to be broken in.
'Does' becomes 'Did'
'Likes' becomes 'Liked'
The past tense invades a present reality not yet ready to receive it.
Only one word is strong enough to rebuke the onslaught.
'Loves' will not change.
One solitary 'S' clinging steadfastly through the storm of 'D's.
Love is stronger than death and can overcome the grave.
Death attacks love and love endures.
One solitary 'S' that resounds throughout Eternity.
The one who loves is dead,
But I still carry his love for me.
I read this at our All Saints Service and Performance of the John Rutter Requiem last night. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it was received. It's kinda scary putting your grief out there in such an exposed manner.