Sunday, November 16, 2008

Leftaphobia.

The Preacher was incensed.

"Our doctrine has been this way for centuries. This is the way God wants it and this is the way it should be." He raised his bible in his hand and turned the pages. The entire congregation knew what verses he was going to read.

"The heart of the the wise inclines to the right. The heart of the fool to the left." Ecclesiastes 10:2

As he turned to the New Testament some of the members of the congregation fidgeted uncontrollably.

"Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep." 1 Corinthians 11:27 - 30

"This! This is why the church through the ages has decreed that the sacrament of communion is only for people who are right-handed. Scripture clearly teaches that anyone who is inclined to the Left is a fool. That person lacks the mental capacity to examine themselves before they take the elements. Anyone who is Left Handed or Ambidextrous" - he said the word with distaste and reluctance, "anyone who practices those perversions is excluded from the Sacrament for their own good - to protect them from further sin."

With that the congregation shuffled forward and came to the communion station. The first person handed them the bread - which they were careful to take with their right hand. At the second person they dipped their bread in the offered cup, and at the third they received a stamped medallion which they took home with them.

Why a medalion?

Back in the Middle Ages, when government and religion were much closer aligned than they are now. The government wanted to encourage participation in the Sacrament of Holy Communion and so the instigated the medallion. Everyone who took communion received the token, and if at the end of the year they had 50 tokens - one for each week with an allowance of 2 misses, they received a tax concession under the law.

No one questioned the exclusion of 'Left Handers', or ''Sinisters' as they were often called after the Latin Term for 'Left'. The Left hand was evil and satanic and clearly an abomination in scripture. Parents would frequently try and 'beat the left' out of their children if they suspected them of being so inclined.

Over the centuries society moved on, but the statutes and prejudices over handedness still remained.

As Government and Religion progressed, they separated. Governments felt that they could no longer endorse one particular religion with their policies. Many right handed atheists complained that they were forced to compromise their beliefs to get a government mandated tax break. To accommodate these people the Government set up 24 hour Communion Stations. You could go there, take the bread and wine without any reference to God, and then receive the medallion. They were very popular. At most of these stations there was a massive amount of paperwork to be done first, but some cities like Vegas had 24 hour Communion Chapels. You could walk up and walk out 10 minutes later with your medallion - no questions asked.

But the signs were still there - 'No Left Handers or Ambidextrous allowed'.

Needless to say the 'Sinisters' were incensed. So were many 'Righters' who had Sinister friends or Sinister children.

That's when the campaigns started.

Equal Rights for Sinisters.

Some of the Sinisters deeply followed God with their lives and felt that their exclusion from Communion was based on archaic interpretations of the Scripture. Others wanted the same tax breaks as as the Righters. All of them wanted the Prejudice to end.

They pointed to the fact that Atheists could get the tax breaks but they couldn't. They were confused that Governments were using religious arguments for their exclusion whilst declaring the separation of Church and State.

"We're not second class citizens. We are good people. We didn't chose to be Left-Handed, we were born this way. Why should we be punished and excluded for something we can't control?"

Some churches agreed with them.

Other churches campaigned vigorously against them.

"Sinisters are a danger to themselves, to society and to our children."

"If they spend time in prayer, meditation and surrender to God, then God will take away their desire to use their left hand."

Others claimed that if Sinisters were allowed to partake in Communion it would threaten the sanctity of the Sacrament. No one really explained how it would do this, but that didn't stop them shouting this loudly whenever the issue arose.

And so the campaigns began. Both sides fought a hard battle.

The Lefters spoke of prejudice and hate.

The Righters claimed they were not 'anti-lefters, just pro-communion'.

Churches became split.

Many famous people admitted they were Lefters.

People voted, but because only 1 in 10 people is a Lefter any ballot to give Lefters equal rights was always defeated.

How did it end?

Only time will tell.


For more information over Left-Handedness and Prejudice.
Click Here.

1 comment:

Gavin and Nicky said...

Hmmmmm - Im a lefty! Luv Nic