I've met this woman many times :)

Having worked for churches most of my adult life I know how scarily accurate this is!

An incredible journey through the history of western music.

(and I love it when they all just speak the name 'Cage')

Manicotti Madness

I've been cooking Manicotti a lot recently...and thanks to America's Test Kitchen it's not as difficult as I imagined. The hardest thing was always stuffing the tubes with filling, any technique I tried (spoons, piping bags, plastic bags with the corners cut off) always failed and ended in a mess. America's Test Kitchen to the rescue!

Lightly saute some garlic and red pepper flakes in some olive oil. (you can also add 1lb Italian sausage and brown it too if you so desire) Add 2 28oz cans of chopped tomatoes that you have blitzed in the food processor and a little salt and then lightly simmer for 15 minutes. When the 15 minutes is up, take the sauce off the heat and stir in 2 tablespoons of chopped fresh basil.

Meanwhile put 16 no boil lasagna noodles (preferably Barilla) in an 9x13 pan and soak them in boiling water for 5 minutes. I recommend spraying each layer of noodles lightly with Pam to stop them sticking.

After 5 minutes, take them out and spread them around the kitchen on paper towels to drain. Having lots of counter space really helps here :)

The filling is 3 cups ricotta, 4 oz grated Parmesan, 8 oz shredded mozzarella, 2 lightly beaten eggs, a little black pepper, salt, 2 tablespoons of chopped parsley and 2 tablespoons of chopped basil all mixed well together.

Taking one noodle at a time, cover 3/4 of the noodle with about 1/4 cup of filling and then roll up from the filled edge up. Here is where a picture says a thousand words...

Partially rolled up...

The uncovered noodle will seal against the rest to hold it closed. Place 1 1/2 cups of sauce in the bottom of the pan and then put in the 16 Manicotti.

Cover all of the Manicotti with the remaining sauce, making sure all of the pasta is covered.

Cover with foil and bake in a preheated oven at 375F for 40 minutes. Remove the foil and then sprinkle 1 cup of Parmesan over the top and then place under the broiler until brown (about 4-6 minutes).

Cool for about 15 minutes so nobody burns themselves, and then serve.

Delicious!!!!!

I'd seen the anonymous quote many times before, but to see it on a chuch billboard really irritated me for some reason -

"Feeling far away from God? Guess who moved?"

What I read was 'You've only got yourself to blame if God is distant, he didn't go anywhere, you did. Look at how bad and unfaithful you are. If you really loved God then you'd feel close to Him. If you were more obedient then you'd be able to practice the presence of God all the time.'

It was at this point that my mental rant stopped as a single verse came to mind.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Jesus' obedience to the Father didn't guarentee warm fuzzy feelings of God's nearness. I've written before about the tendency to label a particular emotional experience as 'The Presence of God' and to use that emotion as a filter through which we see all experiences. If the experience replicates that emotion then God was present, if it didn't then God was distant.

But there is another error here, though maybe to be kind it's more the inadequacy of language. There is a trio of Seminary words used to describe God. - Omnipresent, Omnipotent, Omniscient. Present Everywhere, All Powerful, and All Knowing. But if God is present everywhere, how can I ever be distant from him?

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

If God is everywhere as the psalmist says then I cannot have moved away from Him. The language of distance between us and God pervades church culture, I find myself using it. I talk of 'Drawing close to God' and 'wanting to be where God is' even though it's like saying I want to draw closer to the atmosphere.

Thoughts on Doubt

Mark 6:6a - and he was amazed at their unbelief


Does my unbelief amaze you?
Do I know too much about you to trust you anymore?
Oh I love you deeply, but that doesn't mean I'll let my barriers down.
We've been through too much together you and I,
And I have the scars to show for it.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

I've swallowed enough shame for this lifetime.
I've begged, pleased, asked, promised, cajoled...all to no avail.
The song says 'Jesus blood never failed me yet'
My response is - 'Ha! Keep trying, it will.'

_______________________



Certainty and Belief are not synonyms
Belief and Doubt are not antonyms


_______________________


I want a Liturgy of Doubt
One that rails against absolutes,
That raises the eternal 'If/Then' to heaven.

"If you are good, then why......."
"If you love me, then how come....."

But life isn't as logical and linear as 'If A then B'.
Maybe the doubt I want vocalized in the liturgy needs to creep into my arguments.
Does A always lead to B?

Has Certainty become and idol and Doubt a pariah?
Has knowing Good and Evil become more important than walking with God in the cool of the evening?

'Step away from that fruit, and no one gets hurt.'

Resistance maybe futile, but it does cause delays.

I have a lot of blog posts rolling around in my mind right now. Lots of things happen and I think 'I need to write about that' but for some reason I don't.

• I want to blog about the Prodigal Son. How all of us need to leave our false ideas of 'Father' so that we can actually discover the truth of who he is. I want to write about the older son, how his misconceptions of 'Father' are also shattered when his brother comes home.

• I want to write about the Bernstein Mass, a piece of music I have been listening to a lot over this past weekend. How the climax when the Priest throws down the communion chalice and the monstrance, dances on the altar and rips the vestments has captured my attention. Of how faith is restored with a simple song of praise.

• I plan to write about 'Pillars of the Earth' the mini-series. Of how it differs from the book and of the tension it causes within me and how I'm trying to speculate abut why they made the changes.

• I should write about the surprise of making Manicotti, of improvising fillings for stuffed peppers, of attempting to merge two disparate recipes together and create something new.

• I intend to go through my boardgame shelves and make a blog post of the games that I hope will get to the table and be played again before the year is through. I need to start researching what games I hope to try at the Convention in November.

• I hope to write about the music I'm currently composing. Of trying different techniques in writing and arranging. In trying to find a new sound that is not just a repeat of what I have written before.

For some reason I have resistance to all of this. If somehow putting these topics down in words will somehow pin them like a butterfly pinned to a board. I'm not ready for them to be fixed yet, my ideas are still flitting around, fluttering through my head...

...and in the meantime my blog stands quietly waiting, longing for an entry. I fill it with snippets, an media clip here, a quote there, a quick picture, all things that capture my interest, but nothing that is indicative of who I am at a deep level. I'm ok with this most days, I've not had complaints of my lack of blogging, it's not like I am hounded by readers desperate to hang on my every word.

I have written, and I will write, but for now I'm ok sitting with all that is going on, with no need to lock it into place with words.

One Reason why I love Sondheim

When most people talk about the genius of Sondheim, they start by talking about his lyric writing. Yes his lyrics are superb, but so are his melodies and harmonies. I think they are so well constructed that people often miss their elegance. Anthony Tommasini does a fantastic job of showing just three examples of brilliance in different Sondheim scores, things that if you are not a musician you may miss, and if you are not a composer you may not understand the complexity and genius.

This is why, unlike other musical soundtracks, I rarely tire of listening to Stephen.

Quote of the Day

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

Things you wouldn't expect...

I learned how to use one of these today :)

July Games Played

I've been travelling a lot so I haven't had a chance to post, but here is July's Games.

I played 23 games of 18 different games.

The highlights?

Well Dominion was top with 4 plays. It was last years top game, and it is showing no sign of slowing down as yet. It's turning into an interesting battle for the top spot. Hive still has the lead for the year with 18 plays, but it hasn't hit the table in the last 2 months. Werewolf has 17 plays, and Dominion has 15 - anyone could be the end of year winner, or could something else emerge?

Power Grid - Factory Manager had 2 plays this past month as did Sticheln which is fast becoming one of my favorite trick taking games.

The rest of the month was taken up with single plays of various games, some old faithfuls and some new games. The latter category included first plays of Castle Keep, Ghost Stories, Homesteaders, Im Reich der Jadegottin, Nuns on the Run and Tarantel Tango.

I seem to have a habit of playing many new games and not so many repeats, maybe I'll push for some older faithfuls to reappear on the table.

Some Awesome Footwork!

Facebook Weirdness

I was surprised at this ad popping up on facebook today...

How does liking Doctor Who mean that you like Project Runway??!!!

I used to feel like this a lot.....

....but not so much anymore :)

What are you seeking?

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post about 'The Pearl of Great Price' that ended with three reflection questions.

• What are you seeking?
• Where are you experiencing anxiety and what is that anxiety trying to tell you?
• What should you hold and what should you release?

Normally I'm very good about posting but bad about following up with the questions I suggest. I posited the questions at the end of the Contemplative Service, and, to help people remember them I gave out postcards with the three questions on them. I've kept one by my work computer and one at home. Consequently I've found myself drawn to the questions, but I can't get past the first one.

As I've sat and sporadically reflected the first thing I've noticed is how different I choose to respond to that question now. In the past a question like 'What are you seeking?' would have solicited a response that cataloged in detail all the things that I am longing for that are not 'The Kingdom of God'. The question would have been a prompt to beat myself up for being 'Un-spiritual' and 'sin ridden'. This time has been different. I became aware of how much the image of Psalm 131 has worked into my life:

My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

Still. Quiet. Rested. Relaxed. And definitely no seeking.

Not seeking is good right? It's a sign of contentment, and it can also be a sign of complacency. So many of the actions I take in life can be interpreted in many ways. I can sit and read a book or watch tv as a way of relaxing or it can be a means of avoidance. I often judge other people (and myself) by their actions, but it is the internal attitude that gives the action meaning.

So what have I learned asking myself about seeking?

I've started composing again. It's something I enjoy, but I I've working on the same piece for months now, I told myself that I had Writers Block and no time to compose, but the truth was I decided that if I didn't flow easily then it wasn't going to flow at all. I can be a lazy composer at times. Since I've been asking the question again I've found myself wanting to compose more and being more willing to push through the barriers that prevent me from putting notes on staves. I've even found myself wondering again about further study in the field, maybe a Masters Degree. I may not pursue it, but I'm enjoying the dreaming.

I've also found myself wondering about sailing. (!) A chance conversation with a co-worker prompted my reflection. She excitedly mentioned her new kayaking classes and it got me thinking. When I was child I adored the 'Swallows and Amazons' series by Arthur Ransome. Set between the wars, they were the fantastic adventures of children sailing small dinghies at various locations in the U.K. and further afield. I reread the books recently after Steve bought them for me for Christmas. I occasionally find myself wondering what it would be like to learn how to sail a small dinghy. As I drove over Atchafalaya this past weekend I imagined navigating the rivers in a small craft. I am not an outdoorsy person, but something about the idea of sailing resonates with me. I may not pursue lessons, but I'm enjoying the dreaming.

And so I keep asking myself the question 'What am I seeking?' because it has become a doorway that is opening me up to hopes, dreams and memories.

What are you seeking?

What dreams are you enjoying?

Something to smile about

For some reason this combination of Laurel and Hardy crossed with Santana brought a smile to my face this evening.

My nephew the movie maker :)

I posted a previous movie by my Nephew here. Here's a new one that he did.

Enjoy!

Know the difference!

I am glad they make the disctinction between accordions and musical instruments :)

This pic just makes me smile, I posted it on facebook but I thought I would share it here as well. I took this pic over on W. Belfort, I'm so tempted to go in the store sometime!

Give it away, give it away, give it away now?

Thoughts for the Contemplative Service

The Pearl of Great Price

He asked what I was looking for.
"Frankly," I said, "I'm looking for the Pearl of Great Price."
He slipped his hand into his pocket, drew it out, AND GAVE IT TO ME. It was just like that! I was dumbfounded. Then I began to protest: "You don't want to give it to me? Don't you want to keep it for yourself? But..."
When I kept this up, he said finally, "Look, is it better to have the Pearl of Great Price, or to give it away? -
Well, now I have it. I don't tell anyone. From some there would just be disbelief and ridicule. "You, you have the Pearl of Great Price? Hah!" Others would be jealous, or someone might steal it. Yes, I do have it. But there's that question - 'Is it better to have it, or to give it away?" How long will that question rob me of my joy?

~From 'Tales of a Magic Monastery' by Theophane the Monk


I find I get distracted by this story, I want to know exactly what the Pearl of Great Price is. I want to pin down an exact meaning to every sentence, and I get frustrated that Theophane doesn't end the story neatly and tie a bow around it. We are left with the question 'Is it better to have it, or to give it away?'

The Pearl of Great Price, the item that had been the monk's desire, has become a source of anxiety. What if somebody tries to steal it? Are other people jealous of me for having it? Do they even believe me when I say it is my possession?

That anxiety is a sign that something is off balance, and so the question of Holding or Releasing robs the monk of the joy of possession. The identity of the pearl is not important, what is at issue is what the pearl has done to him. The pearl brings anxiety rather than peace, worry rather than joy, and that anxiety and worry is trying to speak to him.

The rhythm of life is one of Holding and Releasing. But moving through life with open hands, holding onto our pearls loosely and living out of grace and generosity is difficult. We need to be careful that our 'Pearls' do not become 'Idols'.

One example that my friend Jerry gave was of Reputation.

"When I thought of the pearl in these terms this morning, my mind went to “reputation” as something that we hold onto. Concern for our reputation, for what others think of us or even how we esteem ourselves is easily an idol that our culture justifies without question. We think that a stellar reputation is the highest good. “Reputation” is an investment in what others think about us (not in who we actually are). It is possible to hold onto a good reputation while what is inside us is degenerative, because “reputation” has to do with appearances, not the actual reality. “Seeking” and “holding onto” a good reputation may seem like a valuable “pearl,” but held in the pocket without touching the core it is essentially worthless in the larger scheme of life."


Paul wrote in Philippians ch 4:

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Questions for reflection:

• What are you seeking?
• Where are you experiencing anxiety and what is that anxiety trying to tell you?
• What should you hold and what should you release?
  

Not your momma's tuna salad!

Tuna salad isn't something that I get excited by. I'll eat it, but I never thought I would devote a blog post to it. That changed a couple of years ago when I stumbled across a tuna salad recipe from Penzeys Spices.

Then, horror of horrors I gave my copy of the recipe away by accident.

Last week I was given some crystallized ginger by a friend who had obtained it from Italy (oooh fancy!) and it inspired me to attempt to hunt the recipe down. Fortunately my good friend Google helped me locate it in a far away forgotten corner of the internet.

So here it is in all its wonderful tuna glory - I've even fed this to people who don't like mayonnaise with nary a single complaint! This is definitely not my mom's tuna salad (or even my mum's tuna salad GRIN)....the reason being is that my mum never made tuna salad in her life, she would on occasion do some very strange culinary experiments with canned salmon though!

Gingered Tuna Salad

1 (7 5/8 ounce) fresh pouch tuna in water - see note below
2 teaspoons curry powder
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 cup red onion, minced
3 tablespoons crystallized ginger, chopped - see note below
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup pecans, chopped
1 dash cayenne pepper

1. In a small saucepan over low heat, saute the curry powder in olive oil for 5 minutes, stirring frequently.
2. While the curry powder is cooking, mince the onion and chop the crystallized ginger.
3. In a medium bowl, add the mayonnaise, rice vinegar and Dijon mustard; whisk to blend.
4. Add the cooked curry powder, crystallized ginger, onion, pecans and cayenne pepper; whisk again to thoroughly blend.
5. Add the tuna and mix with a fork until tuna is well blended and coated with the dressing.

Notes

I've listed the tuna packet size as listed in the recipe, I couldn't find that size when I went to the store yesterday so I just bought 3 packets that were 2.6 oz. At my store they were only $1 each.

Crystallized ginger is usually in the spice section, it's expensive, but if you are lucky you've saved on the tuna!

The recipe claims that it serves 4, I would think 3 is probably more accurate, at least it is if you have an appetite like mine!

Happy Birthday America!