If Church Signs Were Honest...

This meme has been going on for about 24 hours on twitter and has made me chuckle (and wince) so I thought I would post some of them here.

Welcome All. But if you are feeling depressed, come back when you are in a better mood.

Welcome to our worship. You hear us talk a lot about God here while we are really all obsessing about Doctor Who.

Come as you are! ......So you can hear sermons about how who you are is EVIL!

We aren't perfect and have doubts, but we expect you to be perfect and never question.

All Welcome - some restrictions apply; you know who you are.

Quaker Meeting. Refrain from talking about Jesus except as a metaphor or non-violent spiritual leader like MLK

Welcome! Service begins at 11:00. We take the offering at 11:40. Be prepared to be generous as we entertain you.

Welcome! Suck it up introverts!

All Welcome! It's an old historic church. We are not mandated or interested in making it handicap accessible.

Within these walls you will be expected to believe without question whatever you're told

You are welcome! Your sincere, thoughtful, complicated, and probing questions are not.

Open and Affirming Congregation. Just don't be too weird or political.

God's love welcomes all! But we are more picky.

Contemporary Worship at 10:00 a.m. Bet you can't sing as high as our Worship Leader!

Open and Affirming! Well to middle class, gender normative gays and lesbians who can decorate or do repairs.

All welcome. Be warned that we suck at community building. Many of us here feel lonely and isolated.

All welcome! O.k. that's our ideal. Honestly we can be selfish, privileged, frightened people. We want to change.

All are welcome here*
*Some exclusions apply. Please see Book of Discipline for details.

This is a house of worship. Please disregard all political in-fighting in our decision making process.

All are welcome. Now sit down, shut up, and listen.