What is and What can be.

(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

 Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. 

 From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” 

Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

Matthew 16:13-17, 21-23

One moment Peter is told that he has learned things that God has revealed to him, and the next moment he is called Satan and a stumbling block. That's quite a shift in one day! He gets things right, and he gets things wrong. He may be spending his days walking around Israel with the Son of God, but Peter is as human as the rest of us. Moments of transcendence, moments of self centeredness. All of this is the stuff of life and all of if is within Peter and is within us.

We all live at different places on this spectrum, often shifting as quickly as Peter does in this encounter. I'd love to live at one end of the spectrum, and ignore the other, but right and wrong, healthy and unhealthy, selfish and selfless, all live within me and I have the capacity to react to every encounter in multiple ways. On reflection I find that ways of responding that I thought were good, Godly, healthy and whole were actually being driven more by my own insecurities and selfishness. Sometimes what I label as selfishness is, upon reflection, self care.

Lent is an opportunity to reflect and surrender. How can we offer the whole spectrum of our humanity to God when we don't even like to admit parts of it exist?

I offer to God the real me, because that is the only me there is.

The work of God is to transform us from 'What is' into 'What can be'

When you reflect back on encounters you have had this past week how have you responded? Where do you see this spectrum at work in your life?

40 Journaling Questions for Lent

“Lent is the shadow the Cross makes on the world in the light of the Resurrection”.

Traditionally Lent is a time for reflection and commitment. These questions are designed to be used as springboards for your personal journaling. Attempt to write an answer to one question a day and also try to write a prayer a day as a response to your own journaling (you get Sundays off). If you feel a question does not apply to you or you are unwilling or unable to answer it, journal about why this is so.

Wed Feb 13th 1. How would you describe your current relationship with God?
Thurs 2. What activities help you connect with God?
Fri 3. Where are you encountering joy in your life at the moment?
Sat 4. What gives you delight and how is God in that experience?

Mon Feb 18th  5. Describe a time you felt especially close to God.
Tues. 6. Describe a time you felt especially far from God.
Wed. 7. How does God delight in you?
Thurs. 8. What does God say when He looks at you?
Fri. 9. What emotions arise when you think about God? Why?
Sat 10. What has shaped your image of God?

Mon Feb 25th 11. What strengths do you have?
Tues 12. How are you unique?
Wed. 13. What are you afraid of?
Thurs. 14. What do you dislike about yourself?
Fri. 15. What do you like about yourself?
Sat. 16. Write about one aspect of yourself you would like to change.

Mon March 4th 17. What was one great thing about growing up in your family?
Tues. 18. What was one frustrating thing about growing up in your family?
Wed 19. How are you like your parents?
Thurs. 20. How are you different from your parents?
Fri. 21. How have your parents influenced your perception of God?
Sat. 22. What are your favorite memories of your childhood?

Mon March 11th 23. What are you angry with God about at the moment?
Tues. 24. How do you feel God has let you down?
Wed. 25. Where do you need to experience God at the moment?
Thurs. 26. What kind of person feels ‘unsafe’ to you?
Fri. 27. How do you react when you feel threatened?
Sat. 28. How does God feel ‘unsafe’ to you?

Mon March 18th 29. What is your favorite bible verse and why?
Tues. 30. Are there any parts of the bible you wish weren’t there? Why?
Wed. 31. What is your favorite bible story and why?
Thurs. 32. What lies do you tell yourself?
Fri. 33. What do you want people to say about you when you die?
Sat. 34. What is your biggest struggle and how have you encountered God through it?

Mon March 25th 35. What image comes to mind when you think of God?
Tues. 36. How has God used you recently?
Wed. 37. How has God shown His love for you during this season?
Thurs. 38. What is God trying to say to you at the moment?
Fri. 39. Which question was the hardest to answer honestly?
Sat. 40. How have you changed/grown through answering these questions?

I believe in Four Gods

I believe in four Gods.

Let me clarify:
When I think about Propositional Truths I believe in one God.
When I think about Experiential Truths then I believe in four Gods.

1. The God who Loves

This is the God who must closely aligns with my propositional truth. He/She is loving, compassionate, forgiving and generous. This is the God I want to spend time with and also the one that I seem to encounter the least frequently. I have no formula for stepping into God's presence. The meditation that works one day leaves me cold the next. The music that has done nothing for years suddenly helps me encounter the divine. I do wonder though, how many of these moments are real and how many are just wish fulfillment? How much do I crave connection with the God who Loves, and how much of my desire is an addiction to an emotional state?

2. The God who is Indifferent

The world is so big and I am just one small segment. This God is like the familiar face at the grocery store I frequent. There might be a head nod and a glimmer of recognition, but they are free to shop their aisle while I wander mine. We may recognize each other, but there is no conversation or true connection. I believe that in an emergency I could shout and God would come running, but most of the time I am left to my own devices. I try and trust that God doesn't intervene or comment because He/She is happy with how I am doing, but there is that gnawing part of me that longs for heavenly affirmation.

3. The God who Smites.

It seems to be part of my wiring. Something bad happens to me and I immediately look for how I 'sinned' so I can connect the punishment to the crime. God is vengeful and angry and must be appeased. ...He sees me when I'm sleeping he knows when I'm awake. He knows if I've been bad or good so I better be good for goodness sake. This is the God who lurks in my depression, who whispers in my loneliness and revels in my despair. This is the God who tells me that if I am truly holy then I should feel guilty all the time. There are always more sins to confess, more attitudes to feel bad about, more people I've hurt, more needs I've ignored than I can ever know. I should quite whining about how pitiful my life is and feel guilty that I've never experienced true suffering, because if I keep up the complaining God will give me something to truly complain about.

4. The God who Does Not Exist.

I think on those days that I wake up and feel like God doesn't exist I should be able to call into the church where I work and say 'I can't lead worship today, I woke up Atheist'. The God who Does Not Exist is different from the God who is Indifferent as there is no distant recognition, no possibility of divine rescue. I am alone. I think some of my belief in the God who Does Not Exist is a knee jerk reaction to the God who Smites. I feel so bad being around Him/Her that I eradicate the existence of all Gods from my life.

Four Gods, and only one of them - the most infrequent one, leaves me feeling good about myself. I cling to 'Never will I leave you or forsake you' desperately trying to forget 'My God! My God! Why have you abandoned me.' I use the Hope of Resurrection to avoid feeling the Horror of Crucifixion. Nietzsche believed in 'The Horror of Existence' - a world of meaningless suffering.  Maybe my belief in God is my way of avoiding that horror.

My experience tells me that something exists outside of myself. I've had moments of transcendence that I hunger for when they are over. Brief times where I feel I have touched something larger than myself, a light that keeps the darkness at bay.

All four of my 'Gods' fall short of the ultimate reality of God. They must. My mind is finite....God is not, but somehow he /she dwells within me like an infinite fractal contained in finite space. I must surrender the Gods I imagine - both good and bad, to encounter the God beyond my image of God.

This surrender feels like Apostasy.
It feels like Atheism
It feels like a deliberate denial and betrayal of all I have known.
I am Judas. I am Peter.

This surrender feels, awesome, intimidating. It feels like the Hero's journey of lore. Leaving behind the known and the familiar to venture into the unknown, to face nameless terrors, to atone and be transformed and emerge anew.

This surrender feels like a return to dust. It feels like Lent. 'From Dust I have come, to dust I will return' ~ If I cling to what is, I will never crumble to dust.

Most of all this surrender feels small and lonely. A stumbling around in the dark in a strange house. Banging into chairs and tables, limping in pain desperately seeking a light switch.

I am tempted to cling to the 4 Gods - even with their flaws, as a way of avoidance.

I guess I know what I should give up for Lent.

Offerings and Confessions

(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

When I think of what I've heard over the years about offerings, it can be summed up as follows:

In the bible, people offered the first fruits of their harvest, the best of their time and talents. I've heard countless sermons where I was exalted to offer my best because only that was good enough for God - who gave his best for us. Any offering that wasn't the best was rejected.

Confession on the other hand was about listing your deep, darkest places and asking for forgiveness.

With confession, I speak to God, say sorry and trust that God has wiped the slate clean. The challenge for me is to believe that I am forgiven, and to not do the action again.

When I make an offering of something, I am surrendering ownership. The item (talent, possession etc) is no longer in my control. My relationship with the offering changes, I am no longer the Owner, just the Steward, holding it in trust for whatever God wants to do with it.

Well that's the theory, I wish it were that simple.

I'm becoming aware of two things:

First the act of offering takes a life time. I give areas over to God for His control and then I take them back.....or I become aware that I haven't offered them completely. I give as much of my life as I understand to as much of God as I understand. I am always growing in awareness of God and myself, and my offering is related to my awareness.

Second, I am trying to transform my Confessions into Offerings. Surrendering ownership of the the action, attitude etc. Giving over my attachment to it and its perceived benefits. Theologically I believe that God receives the worst as well as the best of me, but experientially I still find myself looking for ways to clean myself up before I give things over. If I can transform my confession into offerings the parts of me that seem furthest from God's design can become places of worship and encounter with God.

God offers daily bread to us. I offer myself daily to Him, grateful that He offers freely with no conditions and requirements. I'm learning to do the same.

Go to your cell.

(Random thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

In some monasteries the hour of None marks a time of contemplation. The monks spend time in their sparse rooms (called cells) where they spend time in reflection and prayer. The cell is the place where you must be alone with yourself. It is a place of comfort and challenge. The loving light of God's love shines upon us with no distraction.

Most of us don't live in monasteries. We create our own places to be alone with God. I often spend time with God by sitting at the piano. The bench becomes my cell. I play my prayers and communicate my frustrations.  I am brutally honest with God .I pray with Harmony, with Dissonance, with Rhythm, with Melody, with Dynamics. As my fingers move across the keys they are able to express in sound what I may not be able to put into words.

I have had some incredible encounters with God......and sometimes I'm just sitting playing piano. I can be in my cell and using the very tools with which I encounter God to avoid him. I do the same in church. I can be singing a hymn, listening to a prayer, hearing a sermon without ever worshiping, praying or responding. I can fool myself that I am connected with God, when all I've done is heard (or half heard) great music and oratory.

None is an invitation and a challenge. An invitation to find your own personal cell, your own place of encounter with God, and a challenge for each of us to face the reality of our lives and make peace. However some of us are so uncomfortable with being alone that we inflict ourselves upon others every waking moment. Some of us are so uncomfortable with silence that that we constantly fill it with noise. Some of us are so uncomfortable with God that we hide in religious activity.

Where is your cell, your place of encounter with God?

Sunday of the First Week of Advent

For 400 years God had been silent.

Priests still led worship, sacrifices were still offered, but no prophets spoke to the people. Messiah was nowhere to be found...

...until one day in the temple a priest burning incense has an encounter with an angel. Zechariah doesn't believe what he is told, he and his wife are both getting on in years, but the angel says they will have a son who will be filled with the spirit of God and prepare the way for the Lord.

His disbelief is understandable. I would respond in the same way.

The angel tells him he will be mute, speechless, until the child is born. So for nine months he says nothing. First God is silent, now Zechariah. Until finally, his son John is born, and Zechariah's first words are ones of praise to a God who has not abandoned his people. The canticle of Zechariah - the Benedictus, is recorded in Luke 1:68-79 and is part of daily prayer in many Christian traditions.

I envy Zechariah’s faith. I have difficulty dealing with the silence of God.  My voice is raised more often in complaint than praise. I shy away from silence and from stillness, something that is particularly easy to accomplish during the Christmas season. Yet Advent is an invitation to wait in silent anticipation.

Silence is a two-edged sword. It can shut down a conversation or lead the conversation past cliché into deeper waters. Silence amplifies my internal disquiet and gives it a space to speak. I may not like what it says, but there are lessons it can teach me. Silence is an invitation to step deeper into the mystery of God.

For reflection: How can you make space for silence today? 
What is silence trying to teach you about self, others, God?

Conductors and Monks

I've spent much of my life playing violin in orchestras, and every piece starts the same way, with silence. There is a moment before the music begins when the orchestra (and the audience hopefully) are totally still, quiet and attentive. Everyone is focused on the conductor, waiting for that gesture that signals tempo, volume and mood. Waiting for the beat that signifies that it is time to play.

If the pause before the music does not take place then the music is diminished before it begins. If the musicians do not watch the conductor then the beginning is ragged and the music suffers.

As the piece continues the players are constantly listening to themselves to make sure they are on pitch, watching the conductor to make sure they are on tempo, and listening to each other to make sure they blend and are at the correct volume.

Stop. Look. Listen. Play.

Without those elements the work suffers. Great symphonies and simple ditties all require Stop. Look. Listen. Play.

In the Liturgy of the Hours the work for the day is prayed for and distributed at Prime. This act of prayer means that all work is entered into mindfully, no rushing into the task. First look at the tasks that need to be accomplished. Listen to them and listen to your own interior moods about them. When work is approached this way with attentiveness, then it becomes our servant rather than our master.  Every action we make, every task we accomplish can become a prayer.

Stop. Look. Listen. Pray.


There's a rush in the kitchen, there's monks in the hall 
It's past time for dinner, they're silent monks all 
The cook is a good man with ladle and plate 
He will not be rushed in the steam and the heat 

Though a simple man, he just seemed to know 
As it is above, so it is below 

He hums to himself all the hymns he has known 
While he pulls up the leeks, they're so carefully grown 
He doesn't like chapel bent down on his knees 
Just wasting his time with these words and decrees.

 Though a simple man, he just seemed to know 
As it is above, so it is below 

He does all his work in the presence of the Lord 
He is praying while salting the monks' holy food 
He fights the good fight with utensils as a sword 
He is peeling potatoes to the glory of God 

Though a simple man, he just seemed to know 
As it is above, so it is below

Dancing in the dark

I once visited a cave in the North of England where they took us deep underground and then turned off the lights. The guide told us that the darkness was such that our eyes would never adjust no matter how long we waited. When he did turn the lights back on he did so gradually. Normal light would have been blinding to our eyes.

The Psalmist says '...even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.' (Psalm 139:12)

There is no darkness in our lives that our 'eyes' cannot adjust too. Waiting in the dark is never fruitless because the darkness is as light. I find that comforting because it gives me something constructive to do in the darkness. Instead of cursing it I can pray that my eyes adjust to the 'darkness that is as light.' in the light of that darkness who knows what I may see and learn. Instead of just waiting for the light I can gaze into the darkness for signs of God's handiwork.....and maybe, maybe I can dance.



 

Hermeneutics in Everyday Life by Tim Perry

(For a brief explanation of Hermeneutics click here)
 
Suppose you're traveling to work and you see a stop sign. What do you do? That depends on how you exegete the stop sign.

 1. A postmodernist deconstructs the sign (knocks it over with his car), ending forever the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic.

 2. Similarly, a Marxist sees a stop sign as an instrument of class conflict. He concludes that the bourgeoisie use the north-south road and obstruct the progress of the workers on the east-west road.

 3. A serious and educated Catholic believes that he cannot understand the stop sign apart from its interpretive community and their tradition. Observing that the interpretive community doesn't take it too seriously, he doesn't feel obligated to take it too seriously either.

 4. An average Catholic (or Orthodox or Coptic or Anglican or Methodist or Presbyterian or whatever) doesn't bother to read the sign but he'll stop if the car in front of him does.

 5. A fundamentalist, taking the text very literally, stops at the stop sign and waits for it to tell him to go.

 6. A preacher might look up "STOP" in his lexicons of English and discover that it can mean: 1) something which prevents motion, such as a plug for a drain, or a block of wood that prevents a door from closing; 2) a location where a train or bus lets off passengers. The main point of his sermon the following Sunday on this text is: when you see a stop sign, it is a place where traffic is naturally clogged, so it is a good place to let off passengers from your car.

 7. An orthodox Jew does one of two things:
1) Take another route to work that doesn't have a stop sign so that he doesn't run the risk of disobeying the Law.
2) Stop at the stop sign, say "Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, king of the universe, who hast given us thy commandment to stop," wait 3 seconds according to his watch, and then proceed.
Incidentally, the Talmud has the following comments on this passage: R[abbi] Meir says: He who does not stop shall not live long. R. Hillel says: Cursed is he who does not count to three before proceeding. R. Simon ben Yudah says: Why three? Because the Holy One, blessed be He, gave us the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings. R. ben Isaac says: Because of the three patriarchs. R. Yehuda says: Why bless the Lord at a stop sign? Because it says: "Be still, and know that I am God." R. Hezekiel says: When Jephthah returned from defeating the Ammonites, the Holy One, blessed be He, knew that a donkey would run out of the house and overtake his daughter; but Jephthah did not stop at the stop sign, and the donkey did not have time to come out. For this reason he saw his daughter first and lost her. Thus he was judged for his transgression at the stop sign. R. Gamaliel says: R. Hillel, when he was a baby, never spoke a word, though his parents tried to teach him by speaking and showing him the words on a scroll. One day his father was driving through town and did not stop at the sign. Young Hillel called out: "Stop, father!" In this way, he began reading and speaking at the same time. Thus it is written: "Out of the mouth of babes." R. ben Jacob says: Where did the stop sign come from? Out of the sky, for it is written: "Forever, O Lord, your word is fixed in the heavens." R. ben Nathan says: When were stop signs created? On the fourth day, for it is written: "let them serve as signs." R. Yeshuah says: ... [continues for three more pages]

 8. A Pharisee does the same thing as an orthodox Jew, except that he waits 10 seconds instead of 3. He also replaces his brake lights with 1000 watt searchlights and connects his horn so that it is activated whenever he touches the brake pedal.

 9. A scholar from Jesus seminar concludes that the passage "STOP" undoubtedly was never uttered by Jesus himself, but belongs entirely to stage III of the gospel tradition, when the church was first confronted by traffic in its parking lot.

 10. A NT scholar notices that there is no stop sign on Mark street but there is one on Matthew and Luke streets, and concludes that the ones on Luke and Matthew streets are both copied from a sign on a completely hypothetical street called "Q". There is an excellent 300 page discussion of speculations on the origin of these stop signs and the differences between the stop signs on Matthew and Luke street in the scholar's commentary on the passage. There is an unfortunately omission in the commentary, however; the author apparently forgot to explain what the text means.

 11. An OT scholar points out that there are a number of stylistic differences between the first and second half of the passage "STOP". For example, "ST" contains no enclosed areas and 5 line endings, whereas "OP" contains two enclosed areas and only one line termination. He concludes that the author for the second part is different from the author for the first part and probably lived hundreds of years later. Later scholars determine that the second half is itself actually written by two separate authors because of similar stylistic differences between the "O" and the "P".

 12. Another prominent OT scholar notes in his commentary that the stop sign would fit better into the context three streets back. (Unfortunately, he neglected to explain why in his commentary.) Clearly it was moved to its present location by a later redactor. He thus exegetes the intersection as though the stop sign were not there.

 13. Because of the difficulties in interpretation, another OT scholar emends the text, changing "T" to "H". "SHOP" is much easier to understand in context than "STOP" because of the multiplicity of stores in the area. The textual corruption probably occurred because "SHOP" is so similar to "STOP" on the sign several streets back that it is a natural mistake for a scribe to make. Thus the sign should be interpreted to announce the existence of a shopping area.

 14. A "prophetic" preacher notices that the square root of the sum of the numeric representations of the letters S-T-O-P (sigma-tau-omicron-pi in the Greek alphabet), multiplied by 40 (the number of testing), and divided by four (the number of the world--north, south, east, and west), equals 666. Therefore, he concludes that stop signs are the dreaded "mark of the beast," a harbinger of divine judgment upon the world, and must be avoided at all costs.

Hummus Encrusted Chicken

This recipe which can be found online here was delicious and very easy to make.

I foresee lot's of yummy variants with different types of hummus :)

I'm not going to type the recipe out as it is from gimme some oven. So pop over to that food blog and show some love.

Walking Trees?

Random thoughts for the Contemplative Service

They arrived at Bethsaida. Some people brought a sightless man and begged Jesus to give him a healing touch. Taking him by the hand, he led him out of the village. He put spit in the man’s eyes, laid hands on him, and asked, “Do you see anything?” 

He looked up. “I see men. They look like walking trees.” So Jesus laid hands on his eyes again. The man looked hard and realized that he had recovered perfect sight, saw everything in bright, twenty-twenty focus. Jesus sent him straight home, telling him, “Don’t enter the village.” ~ Mark 8: 22-26

It is difficult for me to know what to make of this passage at first hearing. It raises more questions than it answers. Why did Jesus spit on this man to heal him? He didn't heal other blind people that way? Why does it take Jesus laying hands on him twice for his vision to fully restore? Did Jesus not get the prayer right the first time? Why did Jesus take the man away from the people who brought him before he healed him and then command him to go straight home with out entering the village?

If you want answers to these questions, I don't have them.

The phrase that caught my attention when I was listening to this passage the other week was when the man says "I see men. They look like walking trees." I see people that way sometimes. I reduce people to far less than the sum of their parts. I acknowledge that everyone is made in and bears the Image of God, but I do not treat everyone that way. I see people without ever truly seeing them. I may acknowledge their existence, but I minimize them and do not look for God in them - especially if I disagree with them about something. I use our difference of opinion as an excuse to see them as somehow less than, usually with the flawed logic of 'I'm made in the image of God, they do not think like I do, therefore the image of God can't possibly be as strong in their life as mine. Therefore I can discount them'

I think all seeing is on a continuum. We move from blind to hazy to clear in every aspect of our lives. However we must be very careful in making the pronouncement 'I can see clearly now' about anything. I can think of many aspects of my life where I was convinced in my 20s that I saw clearly, but what I thought was clear then I see with a very different clarity now.....and of course, 10 - 20 years down the road I may shift again.

The best I can do is to try to live as true to how I feel God is calling me to live today as possible, and trust that Jesus is still working on my sight.

That grace that I extend to myself I should also extend to others. All of us are on journeys growing into who we are created to be. That person who I am discounting because I just see them as a walking tree, may be the very gift of God through whom God is extending transformation and healing to me, and I to them.

Trees grow from seed to shoot. Shoot to sapling. Sapling to mature.

All of us are walking around like trees. If we refuse to leave who we are we will never continue growing into who God has called us to be.

The last verse of Charles Wesley's classic hymn Love Divine says:

Finish, then, Thy new creation;

Pure and spotless let us be.

Let us see Thy great salvation

Perfectly restored in Thee;

Changed from glory into glory,

Till in heaven we take our place,

Till we cast our crowns before Thee,

Lost in wonder, love, and praise.

We are all made in the Image of God, and we are all transforming from glory into glory.

God, give us eyes to see.

Bless Their Hearts by Richard Newman

Bless Their Hearts

At Steak 'n Shake I learned that if you add
"Bless their hearts" after their names, you can say
whatever you want about them and it's OK.
My son, bless his heart, is an idiot,
she said. He rents storage space for his kids'
toys—they're only one and three years old!
I said, my father, bless his heart, has turned
into a sentimental old fool. He gets
weepy when he hears my daughter's greeting
on our voice mail. Before our Steakburgers came
someone else blessed her office mate's heart,
then, as an afterthought, the jealous hearts
of the entire anthropology department.
We bestowed blessings on many a heart
that day. I even blessed my ex-wife's heart.
Our waiter, bless his heart, would not be getting
much tip, for which, no doubt, he'd bless our hearts.
In a week it would be Thanksgiving,
and we would each sit with our respective
families, counting our blessings and blessing
the hearts of family members as only family
does best. Oh, bless us all, yes, bless us, please
bless us and bless our crummy little hearts.

In the Hectic?

In the contemplative service today we explored themes based on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42.  Now as they went on their way, he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet, and heard his word.
But Martha was cumbered about much serving; and she came up to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister did leave me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
But the Lord answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things,but one thing is needful: for Mary hath chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

The challenge of when the gift of Hospitality conflicts with the gift of Attentiveness.

We discussed the need to carry the attentiveness of Mary into the business of Martha, so that the preparations we have to make do not become a distraction.

As part of the service we sang:

In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there

in the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,

Only for You

'Cause I want to know You more.

I wonder if the second stanza of the song (which we didn't use this morning) should be rewritten as the following:

In the hectic, in the noisy place

in the chaos You are there

In the hectic, in the noisy hour I wait

Only for You

'Cause I want to know You more.

When we have Martha activity in our lives it does not mean we stop our Mary attentiveness. Instead we learn to carry Mary's attentiveness out into our daily world.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Dear Blog,

I haven't abandoned you. I have a large creative writing project that I am trying to finish so it is ready for Advent. I will post on you again.


Peter

Too far, too fast, too soon

I've been losing weight. For over a year now I've been working out every morning at the gym. I never expected to be the kind of person who rises before the sun and goes to meet his personal trainer....and enjoy it!!!

But, as many of you know...I'm down 55lbs and 8 inches off my waist line. To keep me motivated I've set little goals for myself. The first was to win the gym weight loss competition, the next to get to 40lbs gone...then 50....for the fall I decided to sign up for a 5K. I haven't been doing much running but I've been doing a lot of other cardio, and during the race I signed up for you get pelted with powder paint at the end of each kilometer, fun!!!!

Because I had the stamina to make it through a Body Combat class and a Sh'bam class back to back I figured running wouldn't be to bad, and so on July 20th I jumped on the treadmill to give running a try. Here is what I wrote that day on facebook.

Last summer before I joined the gym, I tried doing the Couch Potato to 5K training program in an attempt to lose some weight. I had zero motivation and could never run more than 90 seconds without having to stop and walk again.

Today I did a test run on the treadmill to help me to decide whether to sign up for a 5K in November. I managed:

1 minute 4mph (fast walk)
4 minutes 5mph (run)
20 minutes 6mph (run)
5 minutes 4mph (fast walk)

Holy cow! I never would have imagined I could run for 24 minutes without stopping. I am totally signing up and beginning to train for the 5K now!!!

Because I was able to run so far I started doing Couch Potato to 5k again....and started at week 4.

By the end of July I had shin splints, so I rested for 2 1/2 weeks.

The pain went away :)

I restarted...this time at Week 1, alternating walking/jogging very gently.

By the end of week 2 my legs were so excruciating I could barely make it up the stairs.

I tried neuromuscular massage, I tried kt tape (which involved shaving my legs!!!) and eventually I went to see a Specialist.

Xrays were taken confirming shin splints, but apparently you can get stress fractures in bones that do not appear on xrays...and so other scans were ordered.

And so last week, I willingly had radioactive material injected into my body and laid motionless under a special camera. Scans of my legs were taken and then my entire body was analyzed.

It was all rather fascinating really. Despite my asthma and my ability to catch almost every cold that is circulating I've actually had good health. I've never busted any bones and I have been hospitalized only once for nasal polyps when I was in High School.


Today I went to see the specialist to get my results. (Actually due to having intelligent friends on facebook I already knew the diagnosis, I just didn't know the treatment).

I have tibial stress fractures on both legs, the right leg being worse than the left. I also have shin splints in both legs and an arthritis stress reaction in my right knee.










Here is what the Doctor has ordered.

I'm not sure how long I have to wear this velcro clad torture device. My next appointment is in three weeks :(









The Apostle Paul wrote "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" - 1 Corinthians 10:23

I've been drawn to this verse recently. I've written before about Christians and their lists of Rights and Wrongs but I have wondered what to replace those lists with.

I think Paul's statement here is a partial answer.

At first glance saying 'Everything is permissible' sounds like a license to do whatever I want, but action must be viewed through the lens of 'Is this beneficial?'

Running the distance that I did was certainly permissible, but it was not beneficial to my overall health. I wonder how different I would be if I stopped and asked the question 'Is this beneficial?' to every action I take?

Rather than look at Right and Wrong and listen to Christians debate what falls into each category I will attempt to use Paul's writing as a measure.

Does this action help me encounter God, Myself, other people?
Does this action help or harm me?
Does this action increase the amount of love I give and receive?
Is this beneficial?

Questions to ponder while I heal from something that was permissible but definitely not beneficial to my tibias!

The Ballad of 2nd Clarinet

For those of you looking for the story I read in the Contemplative Service this morning, the original post can be found here 

Having a good day?

Have I had a good day?

I'm not as interested in the answer to that question as in how I formulate my answer. What criteria do I use to judge whether a day is good or bad? How do I measure a day, what 'rulers' do I use. A few possible answers.

Have I had any meaningful conversations with anyone today?

Have I spent any time being creative?

Have I avoided negative emotions/experiences and maximized positive ones?

Did I feel connected with God today?

There are just some of my rulers, and unfortunately they are often in conflict with one another. I need time alone to be creative, but if I maximize that alone time then I avoid meaningful conversations with other people. The act of creativity can sometimes feel negative for me, some works of art have very painful births. If creativity leads me to encounter negative emotions I would rather avoid then not being creative makes it a good day. I've had times when my encounter with the Divine has left me feeling empty and convicted rather than full and peaceful.

I've used many different rulers over the years. In high school a good day was measured by what classes I had scheduled or whether I successfully avoided the school bullies. Some rulers have been discarded while others have become their exact opposites. A good day in high school used to be one where I didn't have to go to P.E. Now, a good day is one where I make it to the gym.

Every ruler that I use reduces the item being measured to less than its totality. A meal can be measured by Taste, Texture, Appearance, Aroma and Nutrition. For years I avoided bananas solely because of their texture, it was only this year when I finally peeled and consumed my first one, and now I eat at least one a day. For decades I missed the bananas' benefits because I only evaluated them on texture.

Every day we are bombarded with an over abundance of experiences and emotions. Measuring and categorizing helps us order them and prevents us from being overwhelmed. Measuring also minimizes and distances ourselves from our own lives, it is difficult to evaluate and experience at the same time.

Some of my bad days in retrospect are some of my best.

Mellow Meatballs

I came across this rather bland sounding dish in Nigella Lawson's cookbook Nigella Express. I've made it twice now, and it is quick and delicious.

Mellow Meatballs

Yield: 4-6 servings

Ingredients
3 tablespoons red curry paste
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
40 organic mini meatballs (1 lb 5 oz in weight) *SEE NOTE BELOW
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 14-fl oz can coconut milk (I have used lite coconut milk with no noticeable loss in flavor)
1 14-oz can chopped tomatoes
1 14-oz can chickpeas, drained
6 oz diced butternut squash  

6 oz diced sweet potato
2 cups chicken stock from bouillon cubes or concentrate or from a package
2 tablespoons honey
cooked rice, to serve
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions

1. Heat the curry paste and oil in a large wide pan, and when it starts sizzling add the meatballs, turning them in the red oily mixture.
2. Sprinkle over the ginger and cinnamon and fry the meatballs for a couple of minutes.
3. Add the coconut milk, chopped tomatoes, and drained chickpeas. Stir in the diced squash and sweet potato and then the stock and honey.
4. Bring the pan to a boil, and then simmer for 20 minutes. Serve with rice and then decorate each plate with some chopped cilantro

Note

Maybe they exist in the U.K., but I've not found 'organic mini meatballs' at my local Kroger. I buy the precooked frozen Swedish meatballs from Kroger and just weigh them out. No need to defrost, I just add them frozen when the recipe says and I've had no problems.

Enjoy.

Waiting for my self to be washed up.

At the Contemplative service we've been in a season of reflection guided by the writings of Anthony De Mello. In one of his passages he writes:

I am made whole again
-my self is given back to me-
In solitude and silence.

The phrase 'my self is given back to me' really resonated with me. Some weeks it feels like I lose parts of myself. People, meetings, tasks, all can siphon of parts of me. I can lose myself under the weight of my 'To Do Lists'. I give of myself voluntarily to others, lending my strength and support where they seem to be lacking.

As I read those words I was sitting icing down some sore muscles, making sure I took care of them so I didn't over strain them. I became aware that I've gotten a lot better at taking care of myself physically, but my emotional, spiritual and psychological self care often lags behind.

My self is given back to me in solitude and silence....and in the word 'no'.

As I reflect back over the past week, I notice the events, tasks, people, choices I've made. All the things that have pulled at me, drained and emptied me.

Solomon wrote 'Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again'.

I'm very good at giving out the bread of my life but not so good in trusting that the water of God will bring it back to me.

Just for a few moments allow yourself to drift back over the past week. Where did you lose parts of yourself? What took you away?

Then sit in silent stillness in a posture of expectant waiting. Whenever your mind tries to distract you with thoughts or worries just repeat the phrase 'I receive myself'. Use it to calm your mind down and to allow you to be open to God pouring your life back into you.

Dr Pepper and Prayer

"Anyone who is thirsty should come to me and drink" - John 7:37

I love Dr Pepper. I'm also aware that consuming 150 calories per can is not good for me, especially in the days when I would drink at least 6 cans a day. Since I've begun working out I've also begun limiting my caloric intake. At first I quit Dr Pepper cold turkey and drank only cold water - at least 8 cups a day, and then a strange thing happened. Dr Pepper, maybe somehow sensing a disturbance in the force, introduced a new product.

I could not get used to the taste of diet Dr pepper, but this new product lacked the chemical burn after taste and so it became a staple in my diet and took up permanent residence in my fridge. I try and limit my intake, but some days it does creep on up there....and there is the problem. As my Dr Pepper intake increases my water intake decreases as I can only take in so much fluid.

Why is it a problem? Because Dr Pepper 10 does not quench thirst. No caffeinated beverage does. The caffeine acts to dehydrate your body. The cold drink satisfies my taste buds but actually exacerbates my thirst.

I know that water is the best thing for me, and that knowledge doesn't help me when I open the fridge and set the cold can just waiting. What I reach for to quench my thirst and what ultimately satisfies me are two different things.

I need to remember this in prayer. Often it feels like I am praying for Dr Pepper thinking that is what I need, and I totally miss the water God is offering. My thirst remains unsatisfied and I blame God instead of realizing that he is offering a far better solution than I can imagine.

What are you thirsty for?