The Warp and the Weft

Rewriting Rumi

2012-01-19T14:46:00.000-06:00

I've been reflecting on the poem Zero Circle by Rumi this week. It feels like a beautiful puzzle, a sculpture that I can appreciate but not understand. As I began to interact with it I found myself trying to put into my own words what the translator of Rumi wrote. So here is a reflection/rephrasing of a translation of poem by a Persian Mystic.

Does true honesty demand uncertainty?
The eternal maybe?
Once we admit we are unsure, grace becomes our guide
But we cannot see where grace leads...

...we cannot even see grace.
Those who demand 'This way' or 'Over here' are only fooling themselves
And if we believe them we are fooled out of grace.

Therefore be certain of nothing,
Not even yourself
Only know you need grace.

We spin, but do not advance,
Cry, but make no sound,
Until, half dead, we collapse and let grace guide.
All of us so wrapped in beauty that there is no external commentary from our souls...

..and we become the grace we follow.

Lessons from the Gym

2012-01-11T17:20:00.004-06:00

(Random thoughts for the Contemplative Service)

I've been working out 5 days a week and watching what I eat for 5 months now and so I've spent a lot of time at the gym. All this exercise means I've become more aware of my body, and especially when my body is in pain. There is the bad pain from when I've pushed my body too hard or performed an exercise incorrectly. The pain that means it hurts to climb stairs.

There is also the good pain, the ache of muscles growing and stretching. The moment when the encouragement of the trainer helps me do 5 more reps than I though possible...and even that can lead to the pain that means it hurts to climb stairs.

I'm slowly learning to distinguish between bad and good pain.

On the treadmill I have a lot of time to think. This week I felt God nudging me, telling me to look at any emotional pain I'm feeling in the same way. To realize that there is both good and bad pain. The ache of grief, the struggle of resisting temptation, the anguish of surrender to God, the pain of fractured relationships. The disillusionment of betrayal. As I am developing a greater awareness physically, I am trying to develop a greater awareness mentally, to not just experience my pain, but to ask it questions about its causes and cures....

...it is easy to philosophize. I am also aware however that I talk about pain very differently when I am in it. I can speculate about the growth that comes, and the different types of pain that exist, but when I'm experiencing pain, all of that gets discarded, and all I know is that I am hurting and I want it to stop!

Like most gyms, mine has mirrors everywhere. I find them distracting. When I'm straining away with weights in both hands, unable to to remember even the simplest exercise because of the burn in my muscles and the sweat pouring off my bald head, the last thing I want to do is see the reflection of my contorted face staring back at me. The first thought that usually springs to mind is - Wow! I look like an idiot.....

...this of course is not true. I look like everyone else at my gym who is straining to build muscle and lose fat. The truth is, it's not the mirror that is distracting, it is my interpretation of what the mirror reflects. It is as if I have replaced the mirrors in the gym with Fun House mirrors that distort.

We all see the world reflected in distorted mirrors. Much of the pain we experience in life comes from us trying to hold together our false views of the World, Self, God, Others. A person or an event comes along that doesn't fit in our well ordered (but incomplete) worldview and rather than allow our views to be reshaped our mirrors shatter and we cut ourselves on the shards of broken glass unwilling to let go of the pieces. When I was young I thought my parents were invincible, that they would live forever. In my teens I was convinced that the correct bible verse properly applied would solve any problem. In my twenties I thought that if I could just hate parts of myself enough I could change them. In my thirties...well you get the idea.

We move from one carnival mirror to another leaving behind a trail of broken glass.

The Apostle Paul wrote For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:12

And it's not just us...

We know that the whole creation is groaning together and suffering labor pains up until now. And it’s not only the creation. We ourselves who have the Spirit as the first crop of the harvest also groan inside as we wait to be adopted and for our bodies to be set free. We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience ~ Romans 8: 22-25

Pain is not just confined to us, it's all around us - even our planet is longing for release from it.

We are constantly bombarded with messages on how to avoid pain. instead I'm slowly learning to sit in it and ask it what it has to teach me.

Maybe, just for a minute each day, we could all try to do the same.

The 27 Rules of Conquering the Gym!

2012-01-08T10:05:00.000-06:00

Originally published by the Wall Street Journal here

Sweating is a good way to begin 2012. Exercise, like dark chocolate and office meetings that suddenly get canceled, is a proven pathway to nirvana. But if you're going to join a gym—or returning to the gym after a long hibernation—consider the following:

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.

2. Give yourself a goal. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to quarterback the New York Jets into the playoffs. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

3. Develop a gym routine. Try to go at least three times a week. Do a mix of strength training and cardiovascular conditioning. After the third week, stop carrying around that satchel of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

4. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading "The New Yorker" and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one.

5. Bring your iPod. Don't borrow the disgusting gym headphones, or use the sad plastic radio attachment on the treadmill, which always sounds like it's playing Kenny Loggins from a sewer.

6. Don't fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.

7. Yes, every gym has an overenthusiastic spinning instructor who hasn't bought a record since "Walking on Sunshine."

8. There's also the Strange Guy Who is Always at the Gym. Just when you think he isn't here today...there he is, lurking by the barbells.

9. "Great job!" is trainer-speak for "It's not polite for me to laugh at you."

10. Beware a hip gym with a Wilco step class.

11. Gyms have two types of members: Members who wipe down the machines after using them, and the worst people in the universe.

12. Nope, that's not a "recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate." That's a chocolate bar.

13. Avoid Unsolicited Advice Guy, who, for the small fee of boring you to death, will explain the proper method for any exercise in 45 minutes or longer.

14. You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs—but that's super tough!

15. If you're motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a "wooden coat rack." It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

16. There's the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.

17. If you see an indoor rock climbing wall, you're either in a really cool gym or a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.

18. Be cautious about any class with the words "sunrise," "hell," or "Moby."

19. If a gym class is going to be effective, it's hard. If you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you're at brunch.

20. If you need to bring your children, just let them loose in the silent meditation class. Nobody minds, and kids love candles.

21. Don't buy $150 sneakers, $100 yoga pants, and $4 water. Muscle shirts are for people with muscles, and rhythm guitarists.

22. Fancy gyms can be seductive, but once you get past the modern couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices, you're basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O.

23. Everyone sees you secretly racing the old people in the pool.

24. If you're at the point where you've bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. It's way more fun and it doesn't make you listen to C+C Music Factory.

25. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

26. A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it's good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it's not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.

27. There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries. The end.

The number Ones :)

2012-01-04T20:32:00.000-06:00

There is a facebook meme going round at the moment where people post the number one song from the day they were born.

Here is the Number 1 song in the U.K. on the auspicious day of my birth.

And here is the song number one from the U.S.

Wow! I was born under 2 great tunes :)

Oh...and I share a birthday with the composer Cole Porter. I was obviously destined to be a musican!

The Three Little Pigs as written by Shakespeare!

2011-12-24T16:15:00.001-06:00

God in Brussels Sprouts

2011-12-21T15:28:00.000-06:00

In the Contemplative Service this Advent we have been reflecting on finding the Invisible in the Ordinary. When we discussed the topic in out planning meeting, we all felt excited, but over the past few weeks we've all found finding the Invisible in the Ordinary more difficult than anticipated. This kind of reflective work doesn't fit neatly into a 5 minute meditation or a 3 point sermon. It's not the kind of task that you ever feel is finished. It is far easier to remember past experiences and see God in them than to find Him in the present moment and in the mundane.

Last year I found the Invisible in the Ordinary on Christmas Eve over some brussels sprouts.

As I peeled them I was listening to the service of Lessons and Carols from Kings College, Cambridge. I was a service I used to listen to frequently with my Mom, and so as the boy soprano sang the opening strains of Once In Royal David's City I allowed myself to feel my grief once more.

I love to cook a large traditional English Christmas dinner and have friends over, but this year I am taking a road trip instead. I'm excited about travelling, but over the past few weeks I've found myself missing my usual Christmas. I haven't put up decorations at the house and I've felt almost completely bereft of 'Christmas Spirit'. I've given up listening to my Christmas Playlist, and even Handel's Messiah failed to work its usual magic.

It's as if a part of me is saying 'If I can't celebrate Christmas the way I've always done it.....then I'm not going to celebrate at all'

I wasn't really aware of that part of me until I found myself planning to cook brussels sprouts on Christmas Eve this year. I became aware that a part of me wants to recreate last year's experience again, that if I couldn't reconnect to the joy of Christmas maybe I could reconnect to the grief.

I've tried to spend some time wondering why I want to recreate experiences of Christmas past and I don't like the answer that's been rising into consciousness. I'm feeling disconnected to God at the moment. I believe that God is there, but somehow I feel lost in Him - like I'm wandering around a giant castle looking for Him but all I hear is my own voice echoing of the walls. I can see signs that the castle is occupied, but I can't find the occupant.

And so I've wanted to use Christmas traditions to quell the rising panic. I feel like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, trying to desperately hold onto tradition while his world shifts around him.

Melissa spoke last week about how she was learning Holy Spontaneity. I think what I'm learning this Christmas is Holy Flexibility. Learning to look for God in the new, the unexpected, the different. To teach myself that it is ok for Christmas to be different this year, and it is ok for my relationship with God to be different as well. Sometimes we need to let go of who God was, so we can see who God is trying to be...a Messiah in a Manger. A Homeless King. A Crucified Savior.

I may be wandering around a castle in the dark, but there is a light that shines in the darkness. I don't know how the Invisible will appear in the Ordinary this year, but that will not stop me looking.

Pesto Pasta with Chicken Sausage & Roasted Brussel Sprouts

2011-12-20T19:35:00.001-06:00

This recipe is incredible. Thanks to Ali over at Gimme Some Oven for creating something delectable.Even if you are not a brussel sprout fan I do urge you to try this. Roasting them brings out their nuttiness and cuts down the brassicaceous taste (ooh a $5 word which roughly means cabbagey lol)

1 lb fresh brussel sprouts, ends trimmed and any yellowed/browned outer leaves removed, then sliced in half
3 Tbsp. olive oil, divided
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
1/2 tsp. freshly-ground black pepper
1 lb (16 oz.) orecchiette (or any pasta)
4 chicken sausage links (I used spicy Italian), sliced into 1/4″ thick coins
5 cloves garlic, peeled and thinly sliced
1/3 cup pesto
Parmesan cheese, for serving

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. In a large bowl, mix together brussel sprouts, 2 Tbsp. olive oil, salt and pepper. Gently stir until well-combined.

Prepare a baking sheet with aluminum foil, then spread the brussel sprouts on it evenly. Roast for about 20-30 minutes, stirring once partway through, or until they are crispy on the outside and cooked on the inside. (My batch of tiny sprouts only took about 12 minutes to cook.) Remove from oven and set aside.

Meanwhile, heat the remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Add the sausage and cook, turning occasionally, until nearly-browned, about 6-8 minutes. Add the garlic, and continue cooking for another 1-2 minutes until the garlic is fragrant and the sausage is browned.

Cook the pasta according to the package directions. (I begin heating my water while preparing the brussel sprouts, and added the pasta to the boiling water just after beginning to cook the sausage.) Once the pasta is cooked, drain the water (reserving 1/4 cup pasta water), and then toss together the pasta, pesto, cooked sausage and garlic, and brussel sprouts. Add in some of the reserved pasta water if needed for extra moisture.

Serve warm, and sprinkle with freshly-grated Parmesan cheese.

Ali suggests sprinkling toasted pine nuts over the top...I'm guessing that would be awesomeness. I'm also tempted to roast some button mushrooms the same time as the brussel sprouts because I add mushrooms to almost everything :) Another possibility would be to use Pancetta cubes instead of the chicken sausage!
Happy eating.

Bach Sounding Incredible!

2011-12-14T16:41:00.000-06:00

Something to try at Christmas?

An ancient Christmas Carol that we no longer sing....probably for good reason

2011-12-10T11:16:00.000-06:00

Gotta love those old fashioned Christmas traditions...it makes me long for a Dickensian Christmas with orphans freezing to death in the street!

On Christmas Day it happened so
Down in the meadow for to plough
As he was ploughing all on so fast
Up stepped sweet Jesus himself at last

Oh man, oh man, why do you plough
So hard upon Our Lord's birthday?
The farmer answered him with great speed,
For to plough this day I have got need.

His arms did quaver through and through,
His arms did quaver, he could not plough.
The ground did open and lose him in
Before he could repent of sin.

His wife and children's out of place,
His beasts and cattle almost lost.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Old Christmas day.
His beasts and cattle they die away
For ploughing on Our Lord's birthday.

Bethlehemian Rhapsody

2011-11-30T14:54:00.001-06:00

I can't decide if this is awesome or terrifying

It's definitely creative!!!

Advent Anticipation

2011-11-30T09:04:00.000-06:00

This song really captures for me what Advent is all about, that hopeful waiting and longing for something to happen.

God being born as a baby?
Could it be? Yes it could.

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door'll knock,
Open the latch!
Something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!

Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight . . .

Poetry - Knives by Jane Yolen

2011-11-28T13:37:00.000-06:00

Love can be sharp
as the point of a knife,
as piercing as a sliver of glass,
My sisters did not know this.
They thought love was an old slipper:
pull it on and it fits.
They did not know this secret of the world:
the wrong word can kill.
It cost them their lives.

Princes understand the world,
they know the nuance of the tongue,
they are bred up in it.
A shoe is not a shoe:
it implies miles, it suggests length,
it measures and makes solid.
It wears and is worn.
Where there is one shoe, there must be a match.
Otherwise the kingdom limps along.

Glass is not glass
in the language of love:
it implies sight, it suggests depth,
it mirrors and makes real,
it is sought and is seen.
What is made of glass reflects the gazer.
A queen must be made of glass.

I spoke to the prince in that secret tongue,
the diplomacy of courting,
he using shoes, I using glass,
and all my sisters saw was a slipper,
too long at the heel,
too short at the toe.
What else could they use but a knife?
What else could he see but the declaration of war?

Princes understand the world,
they know the nuance of the tongue,
they are bred up in it.
In war as in life, they take no prisoners
And they always marry the other shoe.

Poetry - The Day the Saucers Came. Neil Gaiman

2011-11-28T13:26:00.002-06:00

That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice it because

That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because

On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because

On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because

That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the
day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not ever reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

Slow Cooker Meatloaf

2011-11-27T19:13:00.000-06:00

I made this for lunch today and it was easy and awesome. Having done this I think almost any meatloaf recipe would work in the slow cooker as long as it follows the same proportions as this recipe. I have an Asian Meatloaf that I may have to adapt next.

Here's the meatloaf I made today.

1lb Sausage Meat (I used Jimmy Dean Hot)
1lb Ground beef ( I think mine was about 75%. Remember fat = flavor)
1 cup ketchup, divided.
1 (1.25oz) envelope dry onion soup mix
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs (I used pre-bought Italian breadcrumbs)
1 Egg
Tin foil

In a large bowl, combine the sausage, beef, 1/2 cup of ketchup, soup mix, bread crumbs and egg. The only efficient way to do this is to stick your hands in and mix it together. If it bothers you that much get some surgical gloves.

When everything is well combined, shape into a loaf that will fit your slow cooker. Mine was slightly oval in shape.

Use scrunched up foil to make 3 or 4 cigar shapes that you will put inside your slow cooker on the bottom. Place the meatloaf on top of this. The foil lifts the meatloaf up out of the fat that drains from it as it cooks.

Cover and cook on low heat for 4-6 hours. The internal temperature needs to reach 160F for the meatloaf to have cooked through. I checked mine after 5 1/2 hours and it was fine.

Spread the remaining 1/2 cup of ketchup on top of the meatloaf 30 minutes before serving. Recover and continue to cook on low heat for 30 minutes.

It's a simple as that. I plan on trying other meatloaves in the future. If I get any really good ones I will post them here.

Happy eating.

Thanking God for empty barns.

2011-11-26T19:05:00.001-06:00

Then Jesus told them this story: "The farm of a certain rich man produced a terrific crop. He talked to himself: 'What can I do? My barn isn't big enough for this harvest.' Then he said, 'Here's what I'll do: I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I'll gather in all my grain and goods, and I'll say to myself, Self, you've done well! You've got it made and can now retire. Take it easy and have the time of your life!'
"Just then God showed up and said, 'Fool! Tonight you die. And your barnful of goods—who gets it?'

"That's what happens when you fill your barn with Self and not with God." ~ Luke 12: 16-21

I've had this passage in my mind recently, and it's created some Thanksgiving tension for me. As I've reflected on what I have to be thankful for, there has been times where I've sounded suspiciously like the rich man in this parable. As I identify with him for his overabundance of blessings it makes God's declaration of Fool! all the more pointed.

I am blessed. I have an abundance. I don't worry what I'm going to eat (except for chasing exciting new recipes) and I have no fear about where I'm going to sleep tonight. Just having an abundance in the areas of Food and Shelter puts me way above many thousands in this world.

How do I hear this passage in a way that doesn't become guilt inducing? I've heard sermons on this text that generally parse out the text in this way: The abundance of the Rich Man's possessions are not the problem. The problem is his relationship with them. Possessions are fine and good so long as you identify God as the giver of all good gifts.

I wonder however. Am I letting myself of the hook and giving myself permission to own as much as I like. By reading the passage this way, a parable that Jesus uses to discuss greed (check out the context) has its teeth removed. I no longer feel the sting of God calling me a fool.

The more I look into God's heart for the poor the worse I feel.

Here are just a few verses that I wrestle with.

Deut. 15:7. If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.

Deut. 26:12. When you have finished paying the complete tithe of your increase in the third year, the year of tithing, then you shall give it to the Levite, to the stranger, to the orphan and the widow, that they may eat in your towns, and be satisfied.

Lev. 19:19ff. Now when you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very corners of your field, neither shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. Nor shall you glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the needy and for the stranger. I am the LORD your God.

Prov. 31:8ff. [Commandment to kings.] Open your mouth for the dumb, for the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

Is. 58:66ff. Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke? Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Jer. 22:3. Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor. Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place.

Luke 12:33. "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys."

Luke 3:11. And [John the Baptist] would answer and say to them, "Let the man with two tunics share with him who has none, and let him who has food do likewise."

Mt. 5:42. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

Those verses are just a few of the ones that challenge me in my abundance. For even more passages concerning God and the poor click http://www.zompist.com/meetthepoor.html

I didn't intend this post to become a source of guilt about my relationship to the poor, though I must confess that is what I'm feeling at the moment. I found myself wondering what other points of connection this passage has for me and as I've prayed I've found myself drawn to the phrase '...produced a terrific crop'.

I've been asking myself "What terrific crop do I produce?" I can think of positive and negative crops. I can be judgemental, petty. I can hold a terrific grudge and an abundance of unforgiveness. I can also compose incredible melodies, speak into people's lives, create space for people to find God. I can be welcoming and hospitable. I can be stubborn and rude.

The message I hear at the moment is to fill my barns with God rather than self.

To do that, I need to do some emptying.

It's surprises me how tightly I want to hold onto bad crops. Giving up a grudge or a prejudice can be painful. A closed fist seems to offer more protection than an open hand.

It surprises me how tightly I want to hold onto the good crops. If I give away my abundance I become afraid that I may get trapped in poverty. I fear that there will never be another good harvest so I want to hoard what I have.

So here I am at Thanksgiving, trying to open the doors, move the crops and give thanks for empty barns, for it is in the act of emptying that I create space for God to fill.

Less of me, more of You.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Frosted Pumpkin Bars

2011-11-22T20:03:00.000-06:00

These are so incredibly easy to make. I took them into work and got so many compliments I was almost embarrassed as it's just a throw together recipe.Make them, and feel the love :)

4 eggs (bring to room temperature)
1 2/3 cup granulated sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 (15oz can) pumpkin puree
2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (see note below)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder

8 oz package of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
2 cups sifted powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

When I made this yesterday I didn't have any pumpkin pie spice. I used 1/2 teaspoon all spice, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon ginger instead.True pumpkin pie spice also has ground cloves in it but I didn't have any to hand. It tasted great, so relax and use what you have.

Make the pumpkin bars

Preheat the oven to 350F. Grease a 13 x 9 inch baking pan by wiping it with the wrapper from the stick of butter.

Using a stand mixer with a paddle attachment combine the eggs, sugar, oil and pumpkin on medium speed until light and fluffy.

In a large bowl sift together the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice (or substitute), salt and baking soda.

Add the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture and mix on low speed until just combined. Don't mix it to death!

Pour the batter into your greased pan and spread it evenly around. Bake for 25-30 minutes....until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Transfer the pan to a wire rack and allow to cool completely. This will take longer than you think.

To make the frosting:

Using your (cleaned) stand mixer with the paddle attachment combine the softened cream cheese and butter until smooth. slowly add the powdered sugar 1/4 cup at a time and mix at low speed until combined. Stir in the vanilla extract and mix again.

Spread the icing on the cooled pumpkin bars.

Other things you could do to the recipe.

Sprinkle the frosting with powdered sugar or toasted chopped nuts would make it extra sweet (if you like it that way)

I also wondered about adding cinnamon, nutmeg and eggnog to the frosting. I haven't tried it yet, but I would guesstimate about 3 tablespoons eggnog, 1/4 teaspoon Cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg would be yummy.

You could also add about 2/3 cup of chopped nuts into the pumpkin batter before baking.

Enjoy

Eggnog-Stuffed Cookies....attempt at your peril

2011-11-13T22:05:00.000-06:00

I enjoy cooking. That should be apparent to any regular readers of my blog. I fiddle around in the kitchen the same way some people tinker with car engines. I firmly believe that home cooked food will taste better than something that is prepackaged, injected with preservatives and has sat on a grocery store shelf for too long. Some things just taste better fresh.

There are however certain foods that it is better to buy than make. Bagels and Doughnuts spring to mind. I've made bagels and they were ok, but the amount of effort expended was in my opinion too great for the quality of the product. Doughnuts scare me because of all that hot oil. I've only just gotten my stove completely repaired after the great Jalapeno Jelly Explosion of 2009.

I was lulled into a false sense of security by a recipe in this month's Food and Wine Magazine for Eggnog Stuffed Cookies. They sounded delicious, and I had some eggnog in the fridge. I thought this would be a great new cookie to do the rounds at all the Christmas Parties I attend (all 2 of them lol)

little did I know the terror that would ensue hidden within 1 deceptively simple instruction.

Filling

4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 cups confectioner's sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons prepared eggnog
1/8 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon cinnamon

Cookies

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup cornstarch
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
1/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
3 large egg yolks
2 teaspoons dark molasses
Confectioner's sugar, for dusting.

Make the filling

1. In a medium bowl, using an electric mixer at low speed, beat the softened cream cheese with the confectioner's sugar, eggnog, nutmeg and cinnamon. Freeze the filling until firm, about 30 minutes.

(It doesn't look that appetizing, but trust me, it tastes great)

Make the cookie dough

2. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. In a medium bowl, whisk the flour with the cornstarch, ground ginger, baking powder, salt and cinnamon.

3. In a large bowl using the electric mixer, beat the softened butter with the the brown sugar at medium speed until fluffy. Beat in the egg yolks and molasses.

4. Add the dry ingredients and beat at low speed until they are incorporated. Using a 2 tablespoon-size scoop, scoop 24 mounds of the dough onto the baking sheets and refrigerate until the dough is slightly firm, about 30 minutes.

5. Preheat the oven to 325F

6. Working with one baking sheet at a time, using floured hands, press a deep hollow in the center of each mound of dough and spoon in a level teaspoon of the cream cheese filling. Pinch the tops closed, creating a 'kiss'; be sure to seal any cracks or holes. Repeat with the remaining dough and filling. Refrigerate until the cookies are firm, about 15 minutes.

(This is where all hell broke loose!)

(My 2 dozen cookies somehow became 19)

7. Bake the cookies in the upper and lower thirds of the oven for about 30 minutes, until they are golden and the tops lightly cracked; shift the sheets from top to bottom and front to back halfway though baking.

8. Transfer the baking sheets to racks and let the cookies cool completely. Dust the tops of the cookies with confectioner's sugar before serving.

Makes 2 dozen cookies....well that's the theory :(

The problem as you can see was step 6. After the dough had sat in the fridge for 30 minutes it was too cold to mold and cracked when I tried to make the deep hollow. When the dough warmed up and softened it was too soft and pliable to shape with any ease. I eventually developed a bit of a technique, but I felt like I was back in high school art class trying to shape a very soft lump of clay. It is not easy to encase a soft filling inside a soft dough.

One confession that may have added to the difficulty. When I went to my pantry I discovered that I didn't have any dark brown sugar, only light brown. A quick search on the Internet said that you could substitute light for dark if you added some molasses - 1 tablespoon of molasses per cup of light brown sugar. I therefor added an extra teaspoon of molasses to the recipe, but I did increase the flour just slightly to balance the extra teaspoon of liquid.

How do they taste? In the cookies I baked the ratio of cookie to filling was not great enough. The cookie tasted great but felt too dry. It needs enough filling in each cookie to be in every bite, but as the dough is so fragile this seems almost impossible to do without lots of practice...

...and I have far more important things to do than practice stuffing cookies.

On Trial

2011-10-21T13:19:00.001-05:00

In a world where following Christ is decreed to be a subversive and illegal activity you have been accused of being a believer, arrested, and dragged before a court.

You have been under clandestine surveillance for some time now, and so the prosecution has been able to build up quite a case against you. They begin the trail by offering the judge dozens of photographs that show you attending church meetings, speaking at religious events, and participating in various prayer and worship services. After this, they present a selection of items that have been confiscated from your home: religious books that you own, worship CDs, and other Christian artifacts. Then they step up the pace by displaying many of the poems, pieces of prose, and journal entries that you had lovingly written concerning your faith. Finally, in closing, the prosecution offers your Bible to the judge. This is a well-worn book with scribbles, notes, drawings, and underlinings throughout, evidence, if it were needed, that you had read and reread this sacred text many times.

Throughout the case you have been sitting silently in fear and trembling. You know deep in your heart that with the large body of evidence that has been amassed by the prosecution you face the possibility of a long imprisonment or even execution. At various times throughout the proceedings you have lost all confidence and have been on the verge of standing up and denying Christ. But while this thought has plagued your mind throughout the trial, you resist the temptation and remain focused.

Once the prosecution has finished presenting their case the judge proceeds to ask if you have anything to add, but you remain silent and resolute, terrified that if you open your mouth, even for a moment, you might deny the charges made against you. Like Christ, you remain silent before your accusers. In response you are led outside to wait as the judge ponders your case.

The hours pass slowly as you sit under guard in the foyer waiting to be summoned back. Eventually a young man in uniform appears and leads you into the courtroom so that you may hear the verdict and receive word of your punishment. Once you have been seated in the dock the judge, a harsh and unyielding man, enters the room, stands before you, looks deep into your eyes and begins to speak.

"Of the charges that have been brought forward I find the accused not guilty."

"Not guilty?" your heart freezes. Then, in a split second, the fear and terror that had moments before threatened to strip your resolve are swallowed up by confusion and rage.

Despite the surroundings, you stand defiantly before the judge and demand that he give an account concerning why you are innocent of the charges in light of the evidence.

"What evidence?" he replies back in shock.

"What about the poems and prose that I wrote?" you reply.

"They simply show that you think of yourself as a poet, nothing more."

"But what about the services I spoke at, the times I wept in church and the long, sleepless nights of prayer?"

"Evidence that you are a good speaker and actor, nothing more," replied the judge. "It is obvious that you deluded those around you, and perhaps at times you even deluded yourself, but this foolishness is not enough to convict you in a court of law."

"But this is madness!" you shout. "It would seem that no evidence would convict you!"

"Not so," replies the judge as if informing you of a great, long-forgotten secret.

"The court is indifferent toward your Bible reading and church attendance; it has no concerns for worship with words and a pen. Continue to develop your theology, and use it to paints pictures of love. We have no interest in such armchair artists who spend their time creating images of a better world. We exist only for those who would lay down that brush, and their life, in a Christ-like endeavor to create a better world. So, until you live as Christ and his followers did, until you challenge this system and become a thorn in our side, until you die to yourself and offer your body to the flames, until then, my friend, you are no enemy of ours."

The Orthodox Heretic - Peter Rollins

Chicken Sausage, Sweet Onion and Fennel Pizza

2011-10-19T16:50:00.000-05:00

O.k. first off I should say that I didn't make this with fennel. I tried three stores and they were all out, which is sad because I love the taste of fennel bulb. I had an orange bell pepper in the fridge that was fast approaching its usefullness date, so I just adapted. Feel free to us what you want, but I urge you to give fennel a try as it is so yummy.

3 ounces chicken apple sausage
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups vertically sliced sweet onion
1 cup thinly sliced fennel bulb (about 1 small bulb) * see comment above
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 prebaked pizza crust (I used a 10oz Boboli thin crust)
3/4 cup (3 ounces) shredded Gouda cheese
1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives ( I didn't have any so I used Penzey's pasta sprinkle instead!!!)

Preheat oven to 450F
Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add sausage to pan (removed from it's skins) and saute for 4 minutes or until browned. Remove from pan.

Add oil to pan. Add onion, fennel and salt; cover and cook 10 minutes or unitl tender and lightly browned, stirring occasionally.

Place pizza crust on baking sheet. Top evenly with onion mixture, sprinkle with cheese, and top evenly with sausage. Bake at 450F for 12 minutes or until cheese melts. (I used a thin crust boboli and it was done quicker).

Sprinkle evenly with the chives and serve.

(originally from Cooking Light)

Sweet and Spicy Citrus Tilapia

2011-10-19T16:36:00.000-05:00

The original recipe calls for fresh orange juice (about 1 orange). I used grapefruit instead and just increased the brown sugar slightly to counteract. This is a great way to add more fish to your diet. The original recipe suggested you use 4 tilapia fillets. I reduced it to three because I don't think the marinade really stretches that far.
3 (6 ounce) tilapia fillets *see comment above
Cooking spray
1/2 cup fresh orange juice (about 1 orange) *see comment above
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon brown sugar *see comment above
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 teaspoons lower-sodium soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1/2 teaspoon paprika

Arrange fish in a single layer in a shallow roasting pan coated with cooking spray. Combine orange juice through next 9 ingredients (through garlic); pour over fish and let stand for 15 minutes.

Preheat broiler.

Sprinkle fish with paprika; broil for 15 minutes of until desired degree of doneness. Drizzle sauce over fish.

I served this with a simple salad of peppers and onions sauted in olive oil. Then I wilted some spinach into the pan and added a sprinkle of pecan chips :)

Catching up with Ourselves.

2011-10-12T17:49:00.000-05:00

An American traveler planned a long safari to Africa. He was a compulsive man, loaded down with maps, timetables, and agendas. Men had been engaged from a local tribe to carry the cumbersome load of supplies, luggage and “essential stuff.”

On the first morning, they all woke very early and travelled very fast and went very far. On the second morning, they all woke very early and travelled very fast and went very far. On the third morning, they all woke very early and travelled very fast and went very far. And the American seemed pleased.

On the fourth morning, the tribesmen refused to move. They simply sat by a tree. The American became incensed.

“This is a waste of valuable time. Can someone tell me what is going on here?”

The translator answered, “They are waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies.”

Reflect back over your past week.

• When did you feel like you were ‘loaded down with maps, timetables and agendas’?

• When did you feel like you ‘travelled very fast and went very far’?
• When did you feel pleased?

• When did you feel frustrated?
• Do you feel connected to your ‘soul’ at the moment?

How big is your field?

2011-10-06T13:34:00.000-05:00

This post is a follow up to my first post on Mark 4: 26-29 that you can read here.

Then Jesus said, "God's kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens. The earth does it all without his help: first a green stem of grass, then a bud, then the ripened grain. When the grain is fully formed, he reaps—harvest time!

In our discussion this week someone made a comment about where the seed in the parable is sown. The whole world is God's field. There is not a person or situation that God is not working in at some subterranean level.

When this statement was made I could offer intellectual assent, but I could feel a push back emotionally. There are people, organizations, situations that I really cannot see the work of God in. I find it difficult to imagine God seed being planted in such fields that I label poisonous.

I found some resistance that I'm still having to work through.

My first challenge is that if I take the message of this parable seriously, then I have to let go of many of my judgements around people. I cannot divide the world into good and bad, right and wrong. I cannot discount people I would label fanatic or lunatic because God is at work in that person. If God in his infinite love and grace chooses to pour out his love on somebody, who am I to see that person as somehow less? The same Jesus who loves me, loves them.

But I don't want to change. It's exhausting. It's confusing. It's so much easier for me keep putting my labels on people, organizations and situations, the alternative is overwhelming. A few months ago I wrote this:

"I saw the world in black and white.

When that didn't work I moved to shades of grey,
Now I see even that is too monochromatic.
There is a world of color that I was terrified to let into my checkerboard existence,
And now my eyes have adjusted I cannot go back to that stifling false dichotomy."

And now I discover that I still have adjustments to be made.

Something that is helping me in this is the realization that there is a difference between God working 'in' someone's life and God working 'through' someone's life. Many people and organizations perform actions that seem to run counter to my understanding of the work of God. I think about Westboro Baptist Church planning on picketing Steve Jobs funeral for example. It's difficult for me to imagine God working through that demonstration. However I need to realize that God is still working in the lives of everyone. It's difficult, but I need to learn to not judge the outside of someone, and instead trust that God is indeed working in that person in a way I cannot see.

That is so hard.

To love the unlovable, to extend grace to the graceless....

...and just maybe, God uses my act of extending love instead of judgement to till the soil of my own life and plant new seeds within me.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them" ~ Mother Theresa

Saturday Poetry

2011-10-01T16:20:00.000-05:00

The Custodian
Sometimes I think I have lived
My whole life like that old janitor
Who locked up after the rabbi
And patrolled the synagogue at night.

He never learned the Hebrew prayers,
Which he hummed under his breath
As he folded the soiled tallises
And stacked the skullcaps into piles.

He opened the Holy Ark by hand
And dusted off the sacred scrolls
O Lord, which he never opened,
And cut the light behind the organ.

He ignored the Eternal Lamp
(Woe to the worker who unplugged it!),
As he vacuumed the House of Prayer
Muddied by the congregation.

Not for him the heavenly choir music
Or the bearded sermon handed down
From the lectern, through stars squinted
Through the stained-glass windows.

Every now and then he'd sigh
And stare up at the domed ceiling
As is he had heard something auspicious
But it was only the wind in the trees.

He picked up a prayer book off the floor
And carried it down to the basement,
Where he chewed on a sandwich
And listened to a ballgame on the radio.

~ Edward Hirsch

Growth Happens

2011-09-29T16:15:00.001-05:00

I've been spending some time reflecting on Mark 4: 26-29 recently.

Then Jesus said, "God's kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens. The earth does it all without his help: first a green stem of grass, then a bud, then the ripened grain. When the grain is fully formed, he reaps—harvest time!

I'm a recovering internal processor. I think deeply and reflect on decisions before I make them, but often the people around me have no idea that anything is going on at all until I make a pronouncement. My decision to move to the U.S. came as a surprise to my parents as I wasn't the type of person who talked through decisions (even major life changing ones) out loud. I'm learning to process outside my own head, but it is still a challenge at times.

I love how Jesus says that the seed sprouts and grows, and the farmer has no idea how it happens. Germination takes place at a subterranean level far away from sight. I find it encouraging to realize that even though I may not see it, God is at work in my life right now. I can be as oblivious as the farmer, but even without my help seed turns to stem, bud becomes grain, until one day I notice a change in my life and I reap a harvest.

When a shift occurs in my life it is tempting to label how I am now as right, and who I was in the past as wrong, and it's even more tempting to label other people that way, especially if their shift aligns them closer with me. However just because the plant is now a stem doesn't mean that it was somehow wrong being a seed.

As I walk along a path, my view shifts and changes. This doesn't mean my old view was wrong, just that my horizons and perspectives have shifted.

This growth, this journey, this shift, is happening to all of us all the time, but because so much of it takes place below the surface we are often not aware. God is constantly planting seeds and causing growth, but we are as oblivious as the farmer until harvest time.

I bless the work that God is doing in you.

Probae esti in segetem sunt deteriorum datae fruges, tamen ipsae suaptae enitent - Accius
A good seed, planted even in poor soil will bear rich fruit by its own nature.

Missing Rituals and Nurturing Emotions (or not!)

2011-09-19T19:57:00.000-05:00

I've started a diet/exercise program. I haven't blogged about it. I seem to have some resistance to putting it out there in cyberspace....well actually that's not true. I'm quite willing to 'check in' at the gym on Facebook, but not much more than that.
It was a photo that started it, a picture of me in Barcelona that I looked at and I thought wow I look big. So I bit the bullet, and called the local gym...and now I'm there 6 days a week. Doing cardio, meeting with a trainer, and learning about nutrition whilst in a weight loss competition.

And here's my first problem/challenge. I'm now eating 4 meals a day and following a strict regime, and in that regime there is no room for my mug of Hot Sweet Tea. Now, as many people have pointed out, I could switch to fat free milk and to splenda (or some other chemically dubious sweetening substance), but that's not really the point.

I want my mug of tea to be like I've always had it. The whole ritual of making and drinking. Tea is what I reach for after my morning shower. It's what I consume while sitting on the couch reading a good book, it's my night cap. Tea opens and closes my day. I may be known because of my love of Dr. Pepper (which also doesn't fit within the nutritional guidelines), but it is tea that punctuates my life.

Do I sound melodramatic? You have to realize that in the U.K. the humble mug of tea is granted almost mythic properties. Hot and sweet is viewed as a cure for shock. The mug of tea also eases social conventions. It says 'welcome to my house, please sit and relax.' It is a symbol of pausing from the rigors of work. The tasks are always there, but even they pause for the humble tea break.

I miss drinking it, but more than that I miss the rituals surrounding it. I was downstairs in the morning after my shower and I'm suddenly at a loss for what to do. The ritual no longer exists. I sit down with a good book and it just feels wrong to drink water.

I can live without tea. During my recent trip to Spain I didn't drink any at all, but I didn't feel the loss of ritual because everything else around my was different. It's the smaller changes that seem harder to cope with.

It's the patterns and the rituals that I am grieving. My sense of the familiar, the usual, the comforting.

I wonder if my experience is shared by people who attend church and discover a change in the Liturgy? Suddenly a different translation of the bible is used, or everyone saying the Lord's Prayer uses the words 'debts' instead of 'tresspasses'. Even non-liturgical churches have a ritual or a pattern to worship that they follow. In the church I grew up in it was Hymn, Prayer, Hymn, Bible Reading, Hymn, Sermon, Hymn.

When our patterns get changed a little bit, not enough for us to even be consciously aware of them, then we grieve for the rituals lost.

By changing eating patterns I've become irritable. I know that the feeling of hunger I have is a sign that my body is eating fat instead of storing it, but I get angry. I want comfort. The handful of peanuts from the dispenser in the church office. The cold soda from the vending machine. Never hand me Guacamole when I am stressed as I will consume the entire amount and you will be left with an empty bowl.

I've heard that Full = Happy so many times that I've taken it to heart. Therefore if I'm hungry I can't possibly be happy because I lack one of the conditions required for inner peace.

To type that out exposes it for the lie that it is. My emotional state is affected by my hunger, but hunger should not be the driving force. Somehow I need to recalibrate the connection between my level of consumption and my inner peace.

Hopefully this 28 day diet and exercise program will help me retrain myself to realize that overeating is not self-care, and Food and Love are not synonyms.

G.O.D.I.S.N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

2011-09-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

This reminds me very much of some of the concepts in 'There is a God. There is No God' by John Kirvan.

Good stuff!!!

Roasted Sweet Potato and Broccoli

2011-09-14T22:17:00.000-05:00

This is less of a recipe and more of a technique.
Suggested Ingredients

Olive oil
Seasonings
Whatever vegetables catch your palate: Sweet Potatoes, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Mushrooms, Garlic,

Preheat the oven to 450F

Peel the sweet potato and cut into finger-like pieces.
Cut up the broccoli, Cauliflower.

Place all the vegetables on a foil lined pan, toss in the olive oil (and garlic if using) and season.
(I've used simple salt and pepper, or other hotter spices)

Place in the oven until cooked (10-15 minutes) the broccoli will look slightly brown in places.

Remove from oven (toss in lemon juice if using)

Trust me, this is addictive!

Red Wine Chocolate Cake with Whipped Mascarpone

2011-09-14T21:59:00.000-05:00

Red Wine Chocolate Cake with Whipped MascarponeAs posted on SmittenKitchen.com

Cake
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup white granulated sugar
1 large egg + 1 large egg yolk, at room temperature
3/4 cup red wine, any kind you like
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup + 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/2 cup Dutch cocoa powder
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Topping
1/2 cup mascarpone cheese
1/2 cup chilled heavy or whipping cream
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Preheat the oven to 325°F. Line the bottom of a 9-inch round cake pan with parchment, and either butter and lightly flour the parchment and exposed sides of the pan, or spray the interior with a nonstick spray.

2. In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugars and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the egg and yolk and beat well, then the red wine and vanilla. Don’t worry if the batter looks a little uneven.

3. Sift the flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together, right over your wet ingredients. Mix until 3/4 combined, then fold the rest together with a rubber spatula.

4. Spread batter in prepared pan. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. The top of the cake should be shiny and smooth, like a puddle of chocolate.

5. Cool in pan on a rack for about 10 minutes, then flip out of pan and cool the rest of the way on a cooling rack. This cake keeps well at room temperature or in the fridge. It looks pretty dusted with powdered sugar.

6. Whip mascarpone, cream, sugar and vanilla together until soft peaks form — don’t overwhip. Dollop generously on each slice of cake. It can also be covered and refrigerated for up to 4 hours.

Chicken Vesuvio

2011-09-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

Chicken Vesuvio - from Cook's IllustratedServes 2 (or 1 if very depressed)

• ¼ cup all purpose flour
• 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, trimmed and pounded ½ inch thick
• Salt and Pepper
• 5 teaspoons olive oil
• 12 oz red potatoes (about 3), cut into 1 inch chunks
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• ¼ teaspoon dried oregano
• ½ teaspoon dried rosemary
• 1 cup low sodium chicken broth
• ¼ cup dry white wine
• ½ cup frozen peas, thawed
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice

1. Put the garlic, oregano, rosemary and 1/8 tsp salt in one bowl. The chicken broth and the wine in another and the peas, butter and lemon juice in a third. (Mise en Place!!!)

2. Put the flour in a shallow dish. Pat the chicken breasts dry with paper towels and season with salt and pepper. Working with 1 breast at a time, dredge in the flour, shaking off the excess.

3. Heat 1 tbs oil in a non stick skillet over medium high heat until just smoking. Carefully lay the chicken in the skillet and cook until lightly browned on both sides, 6 to 8 minutes, flipping the breasts half way through. Transfer the chicken to a plate.

4. Wipe out the skillet with a paper towel then heat the remaining 2 tbs oil over medium- high heat until shimmering. Add the potatoes and cook, stirring occ until golden brown, about 7 minutes. Stir in the garlic, oregano, rosemary and 1/8 teaspoon salt and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the broth and the wine, scraping up any brown bits. Nestle the chicken, along with any accumulated juice, into the potatoes and bring to a simmer. Cover, reduce the heat to medium low, and cook until the chicken registers 160 to 165 degrees. About 12 to 18 minutes…flipping half way through.

5. Transfer the chicken to a serving platter and tent loosely with foil to keep warm. Increase the heat to medium and continue to cook uncovered until the potatoes are tender and the sauce is thickened slightly – 5 to 7 minutes longer. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the potatoes to the platter with the chicken. Off the heat, stir in the peas, butter and lemon juice, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Pour the sauce over the chicken and potatoes and serve.

Lime and Candied Jalapeno Cupcakes

2011-09-10T19:07:00.000-05:00

This recipe started out as a random conversation at Game Night with my friend Paul. I then freely adapted a recipe from Betty Crocker to make this cupcakes. They are rather unique!

Cupcakes

1 box super moist lemon cake mix

1 box (4 serving size) lime-flavored Jello

3/4 cup water

1/3 cup lime juice

1/3 cup vegetable oil

3 eggs

Zest of a lime

Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar

2 -2 1/2 tablespoons lime juice

Frosting

1 package (8 oz) cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup butter, softened

3 1/2 cups powdered sugar

1 tablespoon lime juice

1/4 cup candied Jalapenos (see note below)

1. Heat the oven to 350F. Place cupcake liners in 24 regular sized muffin cups.

2. In a large bowl mix together the lemon cake mix and the lime jello. Add the Lime zest, the 3 eggs, the water and the lime juice. Mix on low for about 30 seconds then on medium for about 2 minutes, scraping the bowl occasionally.

3. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups filling each one 2/3 full (approximately 3 tablespoons of batter)

4. Bake 19 to 24 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. I recommend rotating the trays and switching racks halfway through the baking time.

5. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes and then put the cupcakes on wire racks. With a toothpick or wooden skewer, pierce the tops of the cupcakes in several places.

6. In a small bowl mix together the glaze ingredients until the glaze is smooth and thin enough to drizzle. Drizzle and spread the glaze over the cupcakes and allow to cool completely (about 30 minutes)

7. Drain and rinse 1/4 cup of candied jalapenos (see note below). Place them in a food processor and blitz till chopped finely. Add the butter and the cream cheese and run until smooth.

8. Add the powdered sugar 1/2 cup at a time and then frost the cupcakes. Place a single candied jalapeno slice on top of each cupcake.

Notes

I used Buc-ee's Candied Jalapenos for this recipe. If you cannot find them there are various recipes to make them yourself on the web, but I cannot guarantee their efficacy.

I used 1/4 cup of jalapenos to just give the frosting a slight afterglow. Obviously you can add more if you wish a hotter cupcake.

I would normally make the cupcakes from scratch rather than use a box mix, but a) I was feeling lazy today and b) I was curious to see how the Lime Jello and Lemon Cake box mix adaptation worked.

So, the all important question, how do they taste? Like lime cupcakes with just a subtle hint of warmth, I'm probably not the best judge of this as a) I like things spicy and b) I have a dull sense of taste so my 'nicely spiced' is somebody else's 'holy crap this is hot!!!!!' Personally I think I should have increased the amount of candied jalapeno in the icing to at least 1/3 cup. I'll see what everyone else says at the party tonight.

Spiritual Whack-A-Mole

2011-09-01T13:41:00.001-05:00

(Thoughts for Sunday's Contemplative Service)

The phrase Spiritual Whack-A-Mole just bubbled up into my consciousness last week. I am not sure what triggered it, but as I've sat with it more I've found a connection.

Whack-A-Mole is a fun game to play. Five moles pop up in random places and you hit them with the large foam mallet. The more you hit, the higher you score. As the game continues the moles appear more quickly and sometimes in multiple places at once making the act of whacking more difficult.

Spiritual Whack-A-Mole feels similar, except there are more moles. I can be enjoying a pleasant day when up pops the Mole of Pride. I whack him down only to be surprised by the Mole of Gluttony. I turn quickly as Greed, Sloth and Anger make an appearance. As I knock those moles down by wielding a memory verse or two, Envy and Lust appear almost out of my reach, and, as I pummel those down Pride and Anger make return appearances.

The game continues at a faster and faster pace until I eventually collapse overwhelmed and exhausted. The game stops for a while...until somehow I put in another dollar and the machine springs back to life.

Spiritual Whack-A-Mole is a game that I have played for a long time. My definition of spiritual maturity was based upon getting as high a score as possible in the game. To be spiritually mature was to be able to wield my mallet efficiently and pound as many moles as possible and so for years I wielded bible verses, prayer techniques, small group accountability, conferences, or whatever was the latest in thing.

Now don't misunderstand me. Scripture memorization, bible study, prayer techniques, small groups, accountability etc are all good things. It's not the mallet that's the problem, it's the game.

Over the last few years I've begun to approach Whack-A-Mole differently. Instead of just hitting whatever pops up, I've begun to open the cabinet of my life and take a look at the mechanism underneath. Instead of fighting the mechanism I've begun to dismantle it.

It's much harder work than simply raising a mallet.

I find it relatively easy to look at the mechanism behind Gluttony. I can examine my relationship with food and hopefully change the way I relate to that plate of pasta while at the same time visiting the gym. Some of the other moles are more difficult. Envy, Pride, Lust and Sarcasm for example. When I hit them with the mallet I get them out of my sight as quickly as possible. I can almost pretend they don't exist - out of sight, out of mind. However to look at the mechanism underneath I have to admit that those moles are a part of my life.

The Jesuit Theologian Walter Burghardt once described Contemplation as "a long, loving look at the real." I've begun to see that spiritual maturity is not about keeping score of the number of sins that I do or do not commit. It's about opening the cabinet of my life to see what's inside, and asking the Creator to help fix my broken mechanisms.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-31T17:17:00.000-05:00

“I see that Christ is but little known by those who consider themselves his friends. These, loving themselves so much, seek in him their own comfort and satisfaction, and not his sufferings and death out of love for him.” (John of the Cross)

Miss USA 2011 — Should Math Be Taught In Schools?

2011-08-30T13:47:00.000-05:00

He needs a recipe to make toast!

2011-08-27T13:33:00.000-05:00

I've often heard the phrase 'He needs a recipe to make toast.' along with it's companion phrase 'When she boils water, she burns it.' as ways of insulting somebody's culinary prowess. Consequently the idea of posting any kind of recipe for toast is an odd one, so take what follows as a suggestion for a very specific purpose.
I am currently making Ricotta in the kitchen. See the recipe here.

I'm taking it to a party tonight (along with a Caprese Salad), and I wanted some little toast rounds to serve it upon.

So for the cost of a 99 cent baguette, I made these :)

Preheat the oven to 350F

Slice the baguette thinly

in a small bowl mix olive oil, garlic powder and Italian seasoning (and salt if the Italian seasoning doesn't already have it)

Brush each side of each slice with the olive oil mixture and place on a wire baking rack stood inside a rimmed baking sheet (covered in foil for easy clean up)

Bake 10-15 minutes, until lightly browned. Then let cool.

These will be served tonight with the Ricotta.

Tasty and cheaper than purchasing pre-toasted slices ( I see them for sale at the store but have never yet seen anyone buy them!)

Yum

God's Blog

2011-08-18T14:29:00.001-05:00

GOD’S BLOG

by Paul Simms (The New yorker, 8/8/11)

UPDATE: Pretty pleased with what I’ve come up with in just six days. Going to take tomorrow off. Feel free to check out what I’ve done so far. Suggestions and criticism (constructive, please!) more than welcome. God out.

COMMENTS (24)

Not sure who this is for. Seems like a fix for a problem that didn’t exist. Liked it better when the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep.
_________________________________________________________

Going carbon-based for the life-forms seems a tad obvious, no?

_________________________________________________________

The creeping things that creepeth over the earth are gross.

_________________________________________________________

Not enough action. Needs more conflict. Maybe put in a whole bunch more people, limit the resources, and see if we can get some fights going. Give them different skin colors so they can tell each other apart.

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Disagree with the haters out there who have a problem with man having dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, the cattle of the earth, and so on. However, I do think it’s worth considering giving the fowl of the air dominion over the cattle of the earth, because it would be really funny to see, like, a wildebeest or whatever getting bossed around by a baby duck.

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The “herb yielding seed” is a hella fresh move. 4:20!

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Why are the creatures more or less symmetrical on a vertical axis but completely asymmetrical on a horizontal axis? It’s almost like You had a great idea but You didn’t have the balls to go all the way with it.

_________________________________________________________

The dodo should just have a sign on him that says, “Please kill me.” Ridiculous.

_________________________________________________________

Amoebas are too small to see. They should be at least the size of a plum.
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Beta version was better. I thought the Adam-Steve dynamic was much more compelling than the Adam-Eve work-around You finally settled on.

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I liked the old commenting format better, when you could get automatic alerts when someone replied to your comment. This new way, you have to click through three or four pages to see new comments, and they’re not even organized by threads. Until this is fixed, I’m afraid I won’t be checking in on Your creation.

_________________________________________________________

***SPOILER***
One of them is going to eat something off that tree You told them not to touch.

_________________________________________________________

Adam was obviously created somewhere else and then just put here. So, until I see some paperwork proving otherwise, I question the legitimacy of his dominion over any of this.

_________________________________________________________

Why do they have to poop? Seems like there could have been a more elegant/family-friendly solution to the food-waste-disposal problem.

_________________________________________________________

The lemon tree: very pretty. The lemon flower: sweet. But the fruit of the poor lemon? Impossible to eat. Is this a bug or a feature?

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Unfocussed. Seems like a mishmash at best. You’ve got creatures that can speak but aren’t smart (parrots). Then, You’ve got creatures that are smart but can’t speak (dolphins, dogs, houseflies). Then, You’ve got man, who is smart and can speak but who can’t fly, breathe underwater, or unhinge his jaws to swallow large prey in one gulp. If it’s supposed to be chaos, then mission accomplished. But it seems more like laziness and bad planning.

_________________________________________________________

If it’s not too late to make changes, in version 2.0 You should make water reflective, so the creatures have a way of seeing what they look like.

_________________________________________________________

S*H*O*E*S!!! Manolo Jimmy Choo Vuitton Prada +++ All sizes Great deals Free shipping! @@@ [www.shoezwarehouze.com]

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Penguins are retarded. Their wings don’t work and their legs are too short. I guess they’re supposed to be cute in a “I liek to eat teh fishes” way, but it’s such obvious pandering to the lowest common denominator.

_________________________________________________________

There’s imitation, and then there’s homage, and then there’s straight-up idea theft, which is what Your thing appears to be. Anyone who wants to check out the original should go to www.VishnuAndBrahma.com. (And check it out soon, because I think they’re about to go behind a paywall.)

_________________________________________________________

Putting boobs on the woman is sexist.

_________________________________________________________

Wow. Just wow. I don’t even know where to start. So the man and his buddy the rib-thing have dominion over everything. They’re going to get pretty unbearable really fast. What You need to do is make them think that there were other, bigger, scarier creatures around a long time before them. I suggest dinosaurs. No need to actually create dinosaurs—just create some weird-ass dinosaur bones and skeletons and bury them in random locations. Man will dig them up eventually and think, What the...?

_________________________________________________________

Epic fail.

_________________________________________________________

Meh.

Gathering Stones

2011-08-03T15:11:00.001-05:00

In a meeting this morning I was discussing my ability to form judgements about people when I'm driving. I see somebody driving recklessly - speeding, lane changes, driving off road to avoid waiting in traffic, cutting across parking lots to avoid a red light, I judge them. 'Who do they think they are? Why is their time more important than mine? They are putting other people at risk!'.

I never do anything with my judgements, I'm not the kind of person who accelerates up behind somebody or flips them off or anything like that. The condemnation just simmers inside me until I eventually leave the car and the judgements behind.

After I had finished speaking I glanced at this icon out of the corner of my eye and turned to examine it.

I identified with the man in red. He's gathering stones, he may not be throwing them, but they are weighing him down. It gave me a picture of what my judgements are doing and how they hinder me.

Next week I am driving to West Texas. I talked with the group about how I was going to make a conscious decision to use any reckless drivers as a reminder for me to pray. To try and offer generous judgements - 'Maybe they are driving fast because they have to get to the hospital or a friend is in difficulty'.

I do not know all the story of the person in the pick up truck who is cutting across 5 lanes of traffic. Even if I did it may not justify their actions, but it does help explain them.

I will be generous, and allow my stones to fall unthrown...

...and in that generosity of judgement to somebody else, I am unburdened.

The Creativity Gap

2011-07-31T08:20:00.002-05:00

This really resonates with my experience.

Baking Rainbow Cakes in a Jar

2011-07-30T18:22:00.000-05:00

A friend posted this recipe on facebook on how to bake cakes in Mason Jars. I decided to give it a go and give them the full rainbow treatment that the recipe suggests.
As I knew the dying of the icing and the filling of the jars would be time consuming I opted to cut some corners by using box cake mix and ready made icing...I know this goes against everything I believe in, but sometimes you just gotta go for expediency over principles. I'm sure they would taste better if I had made my own cake batter, but the primary gimmick is the appearance here anyway.

The first challenge is working out how to split a large amount of cake batter into 6 equal portions.

Here's how I did it - a digital scale that you can zero will be your friend.

Weigh your empty mixing bowl - mine was 1 lb 9oz
Weigh your mixing bowl full of batter - 5 lb 15 oz
Total weight of batter = 5lb 15oz minus 1 lb 9 oz = 4lbs 6oz
Six equal portions of batter will be 4 lb 6 oz divided by 6 which is 11.6 oz
Put your empty bowl on the scales and add 11.6 oz of batter...repeat until all 6 bowls are filled.

First lesson learned - The math would have been easier and more accurate if I had used Grams and Kilos rather than pounds and ounces. A gram is a smaller unit than an ounce so you get a more accurate reading...also, the smallest unit my scale would read is 1/8 oz. Working out what 11.6oz was (11 and 6 tenths) when you can only measure in 8ths was a challenge. I went with 11 and 5/8 to approximate.

Next I needed to color all 6 batters.

Gel food coloring is preferable to liquid as it won't change the consistency of your batter that much. I bought a pack of 4 colors - red, yellow, green and blue because I figured I could mix orange and purple to get the 6 colors I needed. As you can see from the picture this was only partially successful.

Orange was not difficult to mix, but I found getting the red an intense enough color took a lot of gel and I was concerned about having enough left to mix the purple. Little did I realize that mixing purple would be the bane of my existence!

Second Lesson Learned - I bought the 4 color pack to save money. I could have bought each of the colors already mixed in gel form. My red would have probably been more intense if I'd done this and my purple might have actually looked purple. If you are not confident in your color mixing skills buy them ready mixed.The colors looked muted after baking (see pics below) so the more intense they are at this stage the better.

The next stage is filling the jars with the 6 layers. I was concerned about how I could split the batter. evenly among the 6 containers so I resorted to math again.

I have 11.6 oz of each color cake batter
11.6 divided by 6 is approximately 1 and 7/8 oz in each jar.

I placed the empty jar on the scales and zeroed them. Then I drizzled in the first color from a spoon and when I reached the correct weight stopped. Then I zeroed the scales again and added the next layer. Continue adding and zeroing until all 6 colors are in the jar.

The recipe said to fill the jars 3/4 full. Mine were slightly fuller than that and I had a little batter left over. I knew from the recipe that they would rise to a domed top and I would have to cut some off the top before icing so I wasn't too worried.

After 40 minutes in the oven I was greeted by this.

Third Lesson Learned - 3/4 means 3/4. My division of the batter was even, but it was still too much for the size of the jar. The tray of water that the glasses stands in catches any mess, but I did have some dribble down the side of the glasses and some batter wasted. I think if I'd been a little less liberal with my filling I might have stretched the recipe to fill 7 jars rather than 6. It's not a huge deal as I have to cut off the tops anyway, but an extra jar might have been nice.

The trimming of the cakes once they had cooled was a relatively simple affair. It's helpful to have someone else with you so that you don't gorge on all the spare cake yourself.

Icing them is a simple task.

Now all I have to do is put the lids on, stick some circular labels in the lids and maybe tie a few ribbons for added fun.

Fourth Lesson Learned - The leftover cake that I cut off goes really well with the leftover icing :)

A 4 Chord Life?

2011-07-25T15:34:00.000-05:00

We spoke about singing a New Song in the Contemplative Service yesterday. You can read what Jerry said at this link here. The whole post is worth a read, but here is one quote that caught my attention.

You don't have to find the pre-ordained notes to the score God has written. As God lives within you, inhabits you, energizes you, you are the score. Your moment-by-moment life is the pattern of notes, the harmony to the song you are given to sing and to be.

I hope you can sense, then, that your new song is not something to figure out, to wrestle with and struggle over as you try to come to whatever your song is. Usually we think about the "will of God" as something difficult to find, something that takes great effort to discern. Rather, in this view, your new song is something to live, something to be. It is your everyday, ordinary life lived with God for the good of the world.

Your very life is a new song, non-repeatable, creative, expansive and uniquely your own.

Don't try to sing someone else's song. Sing your song. Live your life

There are infinite ways to combine melody and harmony. The danger is that we get stuck in a rut. Always singing the same safe song that sounds just like every body elses. The Australian Comedy Trio Axis of Awesome demonstrate the occurrence of this with a medley of songs all using the same chord progression.

(If you are offended by some off color language then please don't watch)

I could spend my life singing and playing the same four chords. A life lived that way would be embraced with open arms by most people. It is controlled, non-threatening, middle of the road and very cookie-cutter. However if you strip away the words, all the songs start to sound the same.

That sounds like many people I know. Their lives are all slight variations of one another. They may all speak with their own voice, but everything that is said is the same. The fear of branching out into new harmonies keeps them locked in the same 4 chords cycling over and over again.

At the other extreme we have the fantastic work The Rite of Spring by Stravinsky. Complex rhythmic Structures, creative use of harmonies and dissonance, unusual musical timbres all combine to make the composition of this piece one the seminal moments in music history. American composer Peter Schiekel said that ...The Rite of Spring had such a profound effect on composition that virtually all subsequent 20th century music could be said to be “The Rewrite of Spring”

Here is Michael Tilson Thomas discussing the work.

Michael Tilson Thomas talks about Stravinsky tapping into his unconscious in the creation of this piece. It is raw, passionate, violent, sensual and incredible.

In most works melodic phrases are quoted and developed, repeated and altered. Here, Stravinsky seems to continually throw out new phrases as if he is never afraid of becoming stale. There is rhythm and repetition, but just when you think you've grasped what is happening the who piece shifts once again.

4 chords stifle me...and Stravinsky scares me.

I want a life bursting with unique passion. A song that is mine and mine alone, but that means acknowledging the darkness as well as the light. It means confessing that there are times in my life where a curse word is a more honest truthful response than a Praise the Lord.

For me to sing my own unique song it means acknowledging that minor chords (sad chords as I was taught in Middle School) are necessary. Even the 4 chord progression quoted above contains one minor chord, but that chord always falls in the same place and is predictable.

My life isn't that predictable. Minor chords, dissonance and changes of tempo occur without warning. Sometimes it feels that multiple songs are all playing at the same time, conflicting melodies calling for my attention creating harmonic progressions that 4 chords could never cover.

It's scary, but I chose Stravinsky over Safety anytime.

Impressionist Does Richard III

2011-07-21T11:35:00.000-05:00

Shakespeare never sounded so good!

Pineapple Teriyaki Salmon

2011-07-19T19:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big fish eater, but this was yummy!!!!

Make sure you have an oven proof, nonstick skillet though!

2 Tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce
1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest
1 (6 oz) can of pineapple juice
1/2 teaspoon of salt (divided)
2 teaspoons canola oil
4 (6 oz) salmon fillets (about 1 inch thick) See Note*
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Grated Orange Rind (optional)

Combine the first 4 ingredients and 1/4 teaspoon of salt in a small saucepan over high heat. Bring to boil and then reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes until reduced to about 1/4 cup. Set to one side.

Preheat oven to 400F

Heat oil in non-stick skillet over medium high heat. Sprinkle both sides of salmon with remaining salt and pepper. Add fish to pan and cook for 3 minutes.

Turn fish over and then place the pan in the oven and bake at 400F for 3 minutes.

Remove from oven, brush sauce over each salmon fillet. Return to oven and cook for 1 minute more or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork.

Sprinkle with orange rind if desired.

I served it with Lemon Rice and Broccoli. Healthy and tasty :)

*I couldn't find salmon fillets so I just bought a piece about 1 1/2 lbs and cut it into pieces. I cooked them skin down first, then skin up.

To be honest 3 8oz servings looked a lot better than 4 6oz ones, but then again, I do eat alot :)

The monk who never judged anyone

2011-07-19T11:49:00.000-05:00

This monk was lazy, careless, and lacking in his prayer life; but throughout all of his life, he did not judge anyone. While dying, he was happy. When the brethren asked him how is it that with so many sins, you die happy? He replied, “I now see angels who are showing me a letter with my numerous sins. I said to them, ‘Our Lord said: Judge not and you will not be judged (Lk. 6:37). I have never judged anyone, and I hope in the mercy of God that He will not judge me.’” And the angels tore up the paper. Upon hearing this, the monks were astonished and learned from it.

- St. Nikolai Velimirovich, Prologue

Indulge Me?

2011-07-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”

Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."
Matthew 19:27-29

(Random thoughts for the Contemplative Service)

However much I don't want it to be, I must confess that Peter's question is often my question. 'What's in it for me? What do I get?' When I do something good I start looking to God for my reward and when something bad happens I start looking back through my life trying to work out what I did wrong to cause the event to happen.

I reduce my spiritual life to My Action and God's Response. I perform action A (or avoid performing it) and then I wait for God to respond with B.

Actions like:

I have had a quiet time every day.
I avoided _________________
I gave money to the poor
I took Disciple Bible Study
I taught Disciple Bible Study
I went on a mission trip
I went on a silent retreat
I visited auntie Ethel even though she drives me crazy
I went to church while on vacation
I gave up meat for Lent
I work full time for You
I moved to another country for You
I made a pilgrimage to _______

All the things I've listed are good - prayer, fasting, study, pilgrimage, teaching, self discipline etc, but the danger is I think that I can manipulate God into blessing me by the way I live. I keep my end of the bargain then God must keep his.

I am also aware that I promote books, studies, retreats, worship services etc to other people in a similar way. If you read this book then God will bless you. If you go on this retreat you will grow spiritually. If you fast for Lent then you will encounter God in a new way.

I saw a number of cathedrals in Spain recently. At one of them we saw incredible gold and silver items for use in worship services. I overheard someone saying that they could see where all the money from the church selling Indulgences ended up. Johann Tetzel, a Dominican Preacher in the Middle Ages is reputed to have said 'As soon as a coin in the coffer rings, a soul from Purgatory springs.' If you give to the church your deceased friends will get relief from Purgatory.

I don't like this comparison. I can sit in judgement of Tetzel whilst being guilty of the same thing.

My Action. God's Response.

I decide what I want God to do in my life and then try and figure out how to manipulate God into doing it. I judge whether I should perform an action by what I will get out of it. Even my selfless actions have a level of selfishness in them. It's easy for me to get caught up in a spiral of despair around this. I question my motives for everything and end up doing nothing.

I'm glad Thomas Merton is there to help. He wrote in his book Thoughts in Solitude:

I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

What do you want? What is your desire? How can you please God today?

Luggage Advice?

2011-06-25T11:38:00.001-05:00

As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.

“Do not get any gold or silver or copper to take with you in your belts—no bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his keep. Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. ~ Matthew 10: 7-13

I remember the first time I packed to go live overseas. I was moving to Slovakia for a semester. As I was packing I carefully wrote out a list of every item that was in my suitcase and my hand luggage. I think I made 3 copies of that list. One was in my suitcase, one was in my hand luggage and one was given to my parents (I'm not sure why!). Every sock, every book was carefully catalogued in case of misfortune.

I'm one of those people who have a tendency to over pack for a trip. I want to make sure I have what I need to cover every eventuality, which is of course, impossible. I also find comfort in surrounding myself with familiar items when I am in a different country. When everything around is strange, my need for security increases.

Jesus' instructions here scare me.

No money, no spare clothing, no staff for protection.

When I think of my journey through life in the light of this command I reflect on the 'baggage' I carry. The money makes me think about the achievements I have earned - the things I use to bolster myself when I feel nervous, 'Remember Peter, you have a University degree, you can do this!'.

Clothing makes me think of the roles that I step into. The different ways I present myself to other people depending on who they are and the response I want to elicit from them. I notice it when someone asks me 'What do you do for a living?' My response varies according to the situation. 'I work for a church.' or 'I'm a musician.' Sometimes I'll be even more mysterious in my response 'I'm a composer' or 'I help people encounter God'. Each of these are true to varying degrees and generate very different responses. Each of them also minimizes what I do. I am more than the various roles I place myself in.

The command I struggle the most to identify with is the one to not take a staff. People used the staff to help them in their journey and to protect them. I wonder what I use to help my journey and to protect me? I know that I sometimes use humor as a way of deflecting situations where I feel uncomfortable. Humor can become a way for me to avoid emotions I don't like. I may think I am protecting myself, but I am also in danger of avoiding the very thing that may lead to growth.

What baggage are you carrying with you to ease your walk through life?

Staying Creative!

2011-06-21T07:27:00.001-05:00

Some great suggestions

29 WAYS TO STAY CREATIVE from TO-FU on Vimeo.

Making Ricotta - easy and delicious!

2011-06-20T21:22:00.002-05:00

It may seem mad to be making Ricotta when you can buy it so cheaply, but this tasted so good and was a cinch to make. Thanks to Smitten Kitchen for the recipe.

3 cups whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon coarse sea salt
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

You will also need a large saucepan/dutch oven. A candy thermometer. A colander, a bowl and some cheesecloth - all things I conveniently had lying around the kitchen.

Put the milk, cream and salt in the saucepan and heat the mixture to 190F stirring occasionally to prevent scorching. 190F is just below boiling.

When it reaches 190F take it off the heat, add the lemon juice and give it a couple of slow stirs and then DO NOT TOUCH IT for 5 minutes.

Pour the mixture into the cheesecloth lined colander that you have placed over a large bowl to catch the whey. After about 2 hours it will look something like this.

Keep the Ricotta in the cheesecloth (the curds) and dispose of the stuff in the bowl (throw the whey away LOL)

You can eat the Ricotta immediately, but if you have any left put it in an airtight container in the fridge. It will firm up the colder it gets.

The recipe makes about 1 1/4 cups of Ricotta, and it tastes fantastic just lightly spread on some good bread.

You can make the Ricotta with 3 1/2 cups of milk and only 1/2 cup of cream. It will not taste quite so indulgent but still very yummy.

Thank you smitten kitchen!

Something different for the grill - Lebanese Beef Kebabs

2011-06-17T10:02:00.000-05:00

These are quick to cook and really yummy. Recipe from Saveur Magazine.

1lb ground beef chuck
4 tbs finely chopped parsley (I normally blitz it in the food processor)
4 tablespoons finely chopped sun dried tomatoes (food processor again!)
4 Tablespoons Aleppo Pepper - if you can't find this see the note below.
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1 1/2 teaspoons dried mint
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 medium yellow onion, grated and drained in a strainer (food processor again)
Kosher Salt and ground black pepper to taste

Wooden skewers that you have soaked in water

About the Aleppo Pepper. If you cannot find it or do not wish to purchase it then you can use the following substitution. Use 4 parts sweet paprika and 1 part Cayenne. For the above recipe that works out at approximately 3 1/2 Tablespoons of Sweet Paprika and 2 1/2 Teaspoons of Cayenne.

Mix all the ingredients thoroughly together.

Form them into long sausage shapes around each wooden skewer. I normally cut the skewers in half so they are about 5 inches long, I find them easier to handle on the grill and the shorter ones less likely to disintegrate.

Place them on a hot grill for about 3-4 minutes a side depending on thickness.

Make sure the grill is hot and the grate oiled. Don't move them too quickly or they will stick and fall apart.

Yum!

Wednesday Poetry

2011-06-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

How not to tell a joke to the Dalai Lama!!!

2011-06-14T08:41:00.001-05:00

May Games Played

2011-06-12T21:48:00.000-05:00

This post is really late. I've found it hard to get motivated to post recently, I'm not really sure why, just the season I'm in I guess.

May had 17 plays of 14 different games.

Three games had the dubious honor of being played twice in May:

Condottiere - bidding to take control of regions in Renaissance Italy. Nothing really stands out for me about this game, though it was quick and slightly more devious than expected at first glance.

Letters from Whitechapel - one player has the dubious honor of playing Jack the Ripper, killing a different victim each night. The rest are policemen trying to hunt him down and stop him returning to his lair.

Here is a crazy video about the game

The Lord of the Rings: The Card Game - a two person cooperative card game that I cannot see what all the fuss is about!

So, were there any games that did stick out this past month?

Blue Moon City - made it back to the table for the first time since I've been keeping records. It was nice to play it again and I hope I don't wait years before it returns to the table.

Dominant Species returned but still didn't get a full play. I find this game rather overwhelming, there is so much going on. I need to sit down with the rulebook myself and try and get a better feel for it.

May 2010 I played 33 boardgames. 17 for 2011 is rather disappointing, but partially the result of not hosting Memorial Day gaming this year.

Oh well - hopefully June's statistics will be better.

Perfection versus Morality

2011-06-07T21:37:00.002-05:00

I had the privilege of listening to a discussion about Perfection, Wholeness and Morality today. I didn't contribute I just let the words soak in and then mulled them over during my evening run.

Matthew 5:48 says:

"Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect"

Or does it?

The word translated as perfect is the word Telios which can be better translated as Whole or Complete.

I think telios leads to morality, but morality does not always lead to telios. The church's definition of morality has changed a great deal over the centuries. We would consider a man who owns slaves as immoral, but that has not always been the church's view. As a child I knew Christians who considered going to the movies as immoral. We may laugh at their position now, but it makes me question what actions that we consider immoral now will be viewed as acceptable in the future.

There were times in my life when I was very concerned with pursuing morality. Anything immoral in my life was rejected. Locked away in a corner of my psyche and not touched for fear that it would contaminate the good.

By rejecting those parts of myself I lost the ability to be telios. The shadow side of myself can teach me many valuable lessons, but I have to be willing to embrace the immoral part and bring it into the light and listen. It took me time to realize that acknowledging and accepting the parts of myself that I labeled immoral was different from giving myself a license to act upon them.

By accepting that there are parts of my life that I would label immoral it allows me to speak to them and listen to them. They have become warning lights on the dashboard of my life. When I discover one is flashing, it is an indicator to stop, look deeper and examine what is going on in my life.

Morality is just a pale reflection of the beauty that is Wholeness.

Fear of Running

2011-05-27T11:27:00.001-05:00

I am not in shape...

Underlying that statement is the question "Who defines what in-shape is?" If I lived in a culture that worshiped fat I would be a demi-god. So let me rephrase:

I am not as fit and healthy as I would like to be, and that is in danger of impeding my day to day activities if I don't do something about it.

I have just started an exercise program called 'From Couch to 5K', it takes 20 minutes, 3 times a week. I went out on Tuesday evening for the first time. Steve came with me, and we jogged for 60 seconds then walked for 90 seconds, repeating that pattern 8 times.....I managed 7 times and then walked the rest of the way. It takes only 20 minutes to do, but I have a long recovery time afterwards.

This morning was my second session, and I was going out alone. I was sitting on the couch in my exercise gear ready to go and I felt a wave of emotion flood across me. 'I don't want to do this. I'm afraid'. The level of emotion was far stronger than the action warranted so I sat with myself a while to allow myself time to feel, and work out where this emotion was coming from.

I have exercise induced asthma.

As I sat on the couch I remembered a family vacation to Llandudno from when I was 14. My parents had let my brother and I go off by ourselves while they headed back to the hotel. We went to the Amusement Arcade by pier to play penny slots. They also had a large Bouncy Castle that we both played on.

It was during the walk back to the hotel that I knew I was in trouble. My breathing was getting faster, shallower and more labored, and my rescue inhaler was on the nightstand. My brother left me sitting on a patch of grass by the side of the road and ran back to the hotel to get my medication.

I remember Cross Country Running in High School, panting around at the back of the group for one lap and then going in earlier gasping for breath.

I remember as a child waking up in the middle of the night with an asthma attack so severe that the doctor was called to the house about 3am to inject me with adrenaline.

I have not had an asthma attack in years. I cannot remember my last attack. My medication works very well. I get short of breath, but that is because of my level of fitness and not my asthma.

Knowing I am safe and that running is ok didn't mean a thing when I was sitting on the couch this morning. The fear may have been unjustified, but it was real. I didn't have anyone else with me to go get help if something went wrong, I had no brother to 'run back to the hotel'.

I knew that God was with me, but he was with me in Llandudno too, but He didn't run back to the hotel, my brother did.....and yes I know I can say that my brother was being the Presence of God to me then, but I didn't have anyone to be that presence while I was running today.

Now I love a good theological conundrum as much as the next person, it's the kind of thing I can sit and think about for hours...but sitting and thinking is not getting me out of the door exercising. So I decided I needed to re-frame my jogging in a way that made it positive.

That's not easy for someone who once had a severe asthma attack while asleep!!!

I picked a subject for prayer and asked God to receive the sound of my foot hitting the sidewalk as a prayer of petition.

Exercise became Intercession.

Out the door I went, and like Tuesday I managed 7 repetitions of the pattern and then walked the rest of the way.

I'm hoping this gets easier...I'm hoping I can keep re-framing this activity as prayer. I'm hoping that if someone asks for prayer my first thought will be 'Where are my running shoes?'

God and Wham!

2011-05-23T21:33:00.003-05:00

My brain woke up in an unusual state this morning (well probably every morning). I am reading How (Not) to Speak of God by Peter Rollins and when I went to bed last night I read this passage:

The term (idolatry) can be understood to refer to any attempt that would render the essence of God accessible, bringing God into either aesthetic visibility (in the form of a physical structure, such as a statue) or conceptual visibility (in the form of a concept, such as a theological system). Like an aesthetic idol (such as the Golden Calf in the book of Exodus), the conceptual idol refers to any system of thought which the individual or community takes to be a visible rendering of God. The only significant difference between the aesthetic idol ad the conceptual idol lies in the fact that the former reduces God to a physical object while the latter reduces God to an intellectual object. ~ Page 12

I slept with that passage rattling around in m brain, and woke this morning with that passage still processing, and along side it my brain was singing the following song:

I spent much of the day trying to forge a connection between these seemingly two unrelated topics.

The way I understand what Peter Rollins was saying is that we need to be careful about how we think about God. Our very belief about how we believe in God can become an idol that can distance us from God. We cling to our own particular concept of God even in the face of conflicting evidence.

Looking at this Wham video from 1984 it's hard to believe that anyone missed the fact that George Michael was Gay, but at the time the possibility never entered mine, or any of my friends brains. He dressed trendily and consequently many of the girls at my school were into him. The thought that he might be anything different to the image that we saw presented seemed impossible. Like the hidden arrow in the FedEx logo, we failed to see what was right before our eyes.

Incidentally this view of George Michael was wonderfully captured in the movie Adam & Steve. Adam sees Steve dancing onstage at a nightclub in 80s New York, his friend Rhonda tries to persuade him to go talk to him.

Rhonda: What's with that solid gold dancer with his ass in the air?

Adam:    The dazzle dancer?
Rhonda: Yeah, why don't you guys get married!
Adam:    I don't even know if he's gay.
Rhonda: He's got like frosted hair.
Adam:    George Michael has frosted hair and he's like totally straight.

But I digress :)

When the news that George Michael was gay filtered out to the general public I remember many girls who refused to believe it. They believed that if the right girl came along he could be reformed (and most of them cast themselves in the role of his savior). Their concept of George Michael had become an idol that the clung onto even in the midst of conflicting evidence.

Peter Rollins goes on to say:

Western theology has all too often reduced the beautifully varied and complex descriptions of God found in the bible to a singular reading that does violence to its vibrant nature. The bible itself is a dynamic text full of poetry, prose, history, law and myth all clashing together in a cacophony of voices. We are presented with a warrior God and a peacemaker, a God of territorial allegiance and a God who transcends all territorial divides, an unchanging God and a God who can be redirected, a God of peace and a God of war, a God who is always watching the world and a God who fails to notice the oppression against Israel in Egypt. ~ Page 13

It surprises me how often people talk with absolute certainty about Divine Mystery. My experience of God has gotten so much larger as I journey through life, and many conceptual idols have been smashed along the way. For a description of one of my recent idols being smashed read this post here.

So there it is, God and Wham combined in one blog post.

Proof of my insanity?

I'm a Cartoon :D

2011-05-20T20:55:00.000-05:00

This is a pic of me from a few years ago, playing the boardame Einfach Genial!

And this is cartoon me playing the same game as drawn by my talented friend Brandon! Thanks a lot buddy!!!

Cuban Pork

2011-05-20T17:06:00.000-05:00

Occasionally I like to do something really over the top in the kitchen just for the sheer fun of it.

Today I made Cuban pork

Make a marinade out of Orange Juice, Olive Oil, White Vinegar, Garlic, Cumin, Oregano, Salt and Pepper and smear it all over a pork shoulder and let it sit for 2 hours.

Make sure you put 1 inch slits all over the pork so that the marinade can penetrate.

Then roast in a slow oven for 6 hours, and then let rest for another hour before you can eat and enjoy.

I'm serving this with Black Beans that have simmered with a Ham Hock and various herbs and spices for 2 hours and also some rice.

The leftover pork will become Empanadas on Saturday and reappear with pasta on Sunday!!!!

The Long Range Forecast?

2011-05-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

An interesting story from 'How Not To Speak of God' by Peter Rollins

2011-05-15T07:47:00.000-05:00

"It was one of the watershed events in my life, like your first car, your first day at university, or when you decide to like coffee or dislike Madonna. They were the decisions that, one way or another, started to define your life and your identity. For me, of course, the one that truly stands head and shoulders above all those mundanities was the day that I finally decided to inform my parents that I was straight.

It seemed so absurd not to tell them. I was an adult; I'd moved out years ago. Everyone close to me knew I was straight. And my sister swore up and down that my father had known for years.

I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but what I got was that reserved and quiet resignation and forced understanding which seems to be unique to people of my parents' generation. My mother, who has always disliked the term 'straight', kept using the word 'heterosexual', which made me feel a bit like a lab animal.

My father didn't let on whether he'd known or not, but his composed exterior did seem reasonably genuine. As with most other things, he was processing it all deep inside himself: "My son is a straight man. My son is attracted to women." We've always got on fine, and I do think that he didn't want to turn into the stereotypical disappointed dad.

Introducing them to Elizabeth was the next hurdle. This, of course, was like having to do the whole announcement all over again. This was when it all became real. I was inviting my parents into my whole 'heterosexual' world. Luckily, Liz is incredible, and once they'd met her, my parents enjoyed her very much as a person. After they'd left, Liz and I had a good laugh at my mother's studied usage of the word 'heterosexual'.

I should have known that the final hurdle would be big family get-togethers like Christmas. My mother has quietly made it known to me that she'd 'prefer' that Liz not come, the pretense being not upsetting my grandmother. It's not the first time that my mother has pulled this tactic out of the bag, by the way - make my grandma the villain. I just want to scream, 'Grandma knows!' She's known I was straight since I was 14! Never have I felt more accepted by anyone on earth than by her, and she's 85! Why do you think that I talk to her, Mother, and not to you? It's because she was the one who looked deep into a teenager's eyes and said, 'Well, don't you forget that God loves you , and I love you....Now go out there and meet some gorgeous girl!'

Thanks, grandma.

An anonymous story written by someone in the IKON community.
How (Not) To Speak of God by Peter Rollins

April Board Games Played

2011-05-06T14:03:00.000-05:00

This will be a very sparse post as I'm fighting a head cold and losing, but I wanted to get these listed before I forgot.

April had 18 plays of 13 different games...so which were the lucky ones that got played twice?

Black Friday - Buying and selling shares, interesting and challenging (and not quite as fiddly as it seems once you get a good understanding of the rules)

Enemy Chocolatier - I don't remember much about it...obviously it didn't make much of an impression.

For Sale - the classic filler game, fun and tension in real estate, and the game plays in 30 mins woohoo.

Prophecy - It's a modern version of the classic 'Talisman' game, but it still feels too long for what it is.

Telestrations - It's a drawing party game. Keeping score doesn't work, but you are guaranteed to laugh a lot.

Other games played?

Armorica, Bohnanza, Castle Panic, Coyote, London, Members Only, Piece of Cake and Shadows Over Camelot.

Who are you walking with?

2011-04-28T10:42:00.001-05:00

Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven milesfrom Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.

Luke 24:13-16

There are so many interesting things I could pull from the story referred to as the Walk to Emmaus, maybe I'll write some follow up posts. The passage above is just the opening snippet.Two disciples, walking along the road, confused and saddened by the events of the last few days in Jerusalem, are joined by a third traveller who journeys with them. Luke lets us know the identity of the traveller as Jesus, but the two disciples do not know this, they are 'kept' from recognizing him.

Many of the Gnostics believed Jesus was not fully human and could change his appearance at will, that is why he was not recognized. Medieval Artists who have depicted this part of the Emmaus narrative painted Jesus wearing a large floppy hat to explain the lack of recognition.

Other suggestions include God deliberately kept the disciples from recognizing Him, or maybe they were so focused on their own confusion over the events in Jerusalem that they were unable to see what was right before their eyes. Jesus listens to them, rebukes them, and explains their faulty thinking to them, but it's only when Jesus breaks the bread in front of them that his identity is revealed.

Who are the newcomers, the strangers in your life at the moment? Who is the unexpected traveller? Who are the people who challenge your view points and assumptions? Who could be Christ to you at this point in your journey?

Who are you journeying with? How can you be the unexpected voice of Jesus to them?

Scone (rhymes with Gone) or Scone (rhymes with Bone)

2011-04-27T20:40:00.002-05:00

The U.K. may fight over how to pronounce Scone, but whether the 'O' is long or short we all know they taste great.

Here's the Scone recipe (with variations) that I am making to celebrate some minor wedding that is happening in London on friday :)

(I usually always include the glaze on top)

Cream Scones with Currants - from America's Test Kitchen

2 Cups unbleached all purpose flour (low protein such as Gold Medal, Pilsbury or Kroger - avoid King Arthur Brand)
1 tablespoon baking powder
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
5 tablespoons cold unsalted butter (cut into 1/4 inch cubes)
1/2 cup currants
1 cup heavy cream

1. Adjust the oven rack to the center position and preheat the oven to 425F
2. Place the flour, baking powder, sugar and salt in the workbowl of a food processor fitted with a metal blade and process to mix with 6 one second pulses.
3. Remove the cover and distribute the butter evenly over teh dery ingredients. Cover and process with about 12 one second pulses. Add the currants and give one more 1 second pulse to mix.
4. Turn the mixture into a large bowl. Stir in the heavy cream using a rubber spatula until the dough begins to form.
5. Transfer the dough and all the dry flour to a countertop and knead by hand until it comes together into a rough, slightly sticky ball.
6. Press the dough evenly into an 8 inch cake pan and then turn out onto the counterand cut into 8 wedges.
7. Place the wedges on an ungreased cookie sheet and bake until the tops are light brown - 12 to 15 minutes.
8. Cool on a wire rack for at least 10 minutes before serving.

Glazed Scones
After turning the dough out of the cake tin but before cutting them, brush the top with 1 tablespoon of cream and sprinkle with 1 tablespoon of sugar. Cut into 8 wedges and proceed as above.

Cranberry Orange Scones
Follow the recipe as above adding 1 teaspoon of orange zest with the butter and substituting 3/4 cup dried cranberries for the currants.

Lemon-Blueberry Scones
Follow the recipe as above, adding 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest with the butter and substituting 1/2 cup fresh or frozen (not thawed) blueberries instead of the currants. NOTE: Mix the dough by hand after adding the blueberries to stop the blade of the processor mashing them!

Color Wheel

2011-04-25T16:40:00.000-05:00

I saw the world in black and white.
When that didn't work I moved to shades of grey,
Now I see even that is too monochromatic.
There is a world of color that I was terrified to let into my checkerboard existence,
And now my eyes have adjusted I cannot go back to that stifling false dichotomy.

I Am Judas

2011-04-22T22:11:00.001-05:00

Many years ago I wrote a musical about Judas. The musical asked questions about forgiveness, and whether Judas himself, if he had sought out Jesus, would have found forgiveness as Peter did, or are there limits to God's grace.

I believe Judas is in heaven.

When he saw what his act of betrayal had done, he threw the silver back at the Priests, aware that his actions would cause the death of an innocent man. Judas could not see past the cross to the empty tomb. None of the disciples could. But unlike Peter and the other disciples, Judas was unable to bear the shame of what he had done. His act of repentance had nobody to speak absolution to him, if only he had held out until sunday.

On Good Friday we remember a mysterious act that offered Forgiveness to the world. Each of us were forgiven 2000 years ago on a hill outside of Jerusalem - but for many of us, the weight of our shame feels heavier than the weight of God's Grace. All we can see is a cross, a death caused by our actions, rather than an empty tomb caused by God's grace.

We are no different to Judas...

...and God offers to all of us the chance to come home.

In the musical, Judas asks Jesus what he would have said to him if he had returned like Peter to ask forgiveness. It took me 9 months to write the lyrics of that song, and it is one of my lyrics that I am most proud of because it honestly states what I believe at a deep level.

Judas is hiding in all of us, and yet we are afraid to go looking for him because we are worried that he is unforgivable.

Listen to this song, and let its invitation call the 'Judas in you' out into the light.

Beyond the cross is and empty tomb!

It Is Over Now

2011-04-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

The lash that flayed Christ's back has been discarded now.
The crown of thorns rests on his head,
The purple robe is now stained red.
The hammer and the nails have served their purpose now.
The spear has cruelly pierced his side,
The mocking and the scorn subside.
It is over now

'Tis finished, the Messiah dies,
Cut off for sins, but not his own.
Accomplished is the sacrifice,
The great redeeming work is done.
It is over now.

Now every broken heart can learn to love again.
The Terrified can take a chance,
The Paralyzed can join the dance.
The Refugee is safely welcomed home again.
The Prejudiced abandons fear,
The Skeptic learns that God is near.
It is over now.

The reign of sin and death is o'er
And all may live from sin set free,
For Satan's lost his mortal power,
'Tis swallowed up in victory.
It is over now.

Words Peter Johns and Charles Wesley
From 'Tenebrae' by Peter Johns.

Jesus' super awesome equestrian skills!

2011-04-14T16:06:00.000-05:00

When they had come near Jerusalem and had reached Bethphage, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, “Go into the village ahead of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her; untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, just say this, ‘The Lord needs them.’ And he will send them immediately.” This took place to fulfill what had been spoken through the prophet, saying,

“Tell the daughter of Zion, Look, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.”

The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them; they brought the donkey and the colt, and put their cloaks on them, and he sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and that followed were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!” When he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was in turmoil, asking, “Who is this?” The crowds were saying, “This is the prophet Jesus from Nazareth in Galilee.”

Matthew 21: 1-11

This is one of those very familiar biblical scenes. It's a great one for teaching children, I'm sure I first heard it in church before I ever read the passage. Many churches act out the scene on Palm Sunday, I know I sang about it in the first christian musical I was ever in (all together now...'Jesus rode a donkey into town, many folks came out for miles around...') The problem with a story so familiar is that we assume we know it and so we read what we think the text says rather than what it actually says.

Matthew throws a wrench in our whole image of Palm Sunday. Verses 2 and 7 say that the disciples bought 2 animals for Jesus to ride, a donkey and its colt, and that Jesus somehow rode both of them. The quotation from the book of Zechariah 9:9 that Matthew quotes in verse 5 is also slightly different from the old testament text.

When I read this passage through the lens of bible study I get rather confused. Different commentators have different ways of resolving the tension, and when I read them it feels more like they are molding the text to fit their particular view point than simple addressing what is there.

But what about looking at this passage through contemplative eyes? What can we see beyond the slightly confusing narrative?

This year I find myself drawn to the colt and the donkey. Mark tells us that the colt had never been ridden before. An unbroken beast becomes the way Jesus enters into Jerusalem. That gives me hope for the wild, untamed, unruly parts of my life. The parts of me that seem uncontrolable may be the very parts that Jesus wants to use to ride in triumph upon.

Matthew's telling of the story places a donkey alongside the colt. A regular beast of burden, of service.

In the 12 step community they often talk how service keeps you sober.

I remember a time about 6 years ago when I was wrestling with depression (as I do periodically). One of the hardest things for me to do was to feel connected with God - and when you work for a church and don't feel connected to God it's easy to feel like a hypocrite. One of the things that helped pull me out was when I went with the rest of the Mercy Street Staff to cook and serve dinner for the women in the Santa Maria Hostel. To be honest I resented the extra work and preparation it took, esp as I was appointed head chef at a time when all I wanted to do was wander around in my black cloud and sulk. But there was something about that act of service that helped me connect with God when just about everything else I had tried failed.

The Colt and the Donkey.

The Untamed and the Helpful.

Both become ways that Jesus is carried into the midst of my life.

Milestones of Masculinity?

2011-04-13T08:14:00.001-05:00

I wrote this following post back in 2007 when I was blogging on Myspace....a conversation after staff worship yesterday brought it to mind (don't ask!) so I thought I would re post it here. If talk of male underwear offends you, quit reading now.

I've just returned from the store where I've just purchased my first jock strap. I'm 39 and never experienced this rite of passage before.

I'm going to a costume party tomorrow night and as part of my costume I need to wear white trousers - pants for you speakers of 'American English' (though isn't 'American English' an oxymoron? But I digress). All I have at home are colored boxer shorts and although I have the fashion sense of a circus clown even I know that colored boxers will show though and create an unexpected comic slant to the costume. This knowledge left me with 2 options a) Purchase new underwear or b) Go commando

Well 'b' is not really an option for me. I've been commando once in my life through circumstances way too embarrassing to blog about here and I have absolutely no desire to do it again. Consequently I had to put the plastic to good use and purchase a new garment. Weighing up my underwear options I was left with a) Whitey Tighties b) White Y fronts c) White boxers or d) a white jock strap.

Well Whitie Tighties are a no go for me. Suffice to say I'm a boxers rather than briefs guy. White Y fronts would be possible but those are what I wore as a kid before I discovered the freedom of boxers. Going back and slipping on a pair of those (why do we refer to them in the plural? A pair?) would feel like regressing to childhood. What next? Disposable diapers or terry cloth and pins? White boxer shorts are not that readily available - so off to the sporting goods store.

Now to be perfectly honest there are lots of other options available to me, but I must confess a certain curiosity about the humble jock strap. Growing up in the U.K. this mighty garment of the American High School locker room was never seen. Never. My knowledge of Jock Straps has all been garnered from American High School Movies - mainly John Hughes films, and one highly guilt ridden viewing of 'Porkys'.

As I drove to the store this morning I found myself wondering if a boy's first jock strap (or as the packaging calls it 'Under Armor') is one of those marks of maturity. Do dads take their sons shopping in the same way mothers go with their daughters to purchase their first training bra? This garment must be important, it even has its own entry in Wikipedia!

All this philosophical musings came to an abrupt halt when I realized that I would have to hand this to the checker and pay for it. Now, I don't have the body of a sporting demi-god and so I began to panic that she would smile at me, see my purchase, and then call all the other checkers over to ridicule this fat hairy Englishman buying a garment for obviously '....illicit purposes as he can't possibly be the sporting type' except for maybe competitive darts and if you need under armor for that you obviously have some difficulties with your aim!

Why do I care so much what other people think? Well when I was a boy my parent's method of discipline involved a lot of shame. My brother and I were never hit; instead comments like "People around here know what you've done and what you are really like!" were often uttered. Consequently my brother and I imagined a huge invisible crowd of people watching our every move and we lived in fear of being found out.

I'm still working though my issue of caring too much what other people think. The church I grew up in added to that image by painting for me a God who is leaning forward on His cloud watching my every move waiting for me to put a foot wrong so he could press the 'smite' button. St. Paul didn't help much either. In Hebrews 12:1 he says 'Therefore since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses....' Paul paints an image of the heroes of the faith looking down upon us and cheering us on, but I always had a nagging suspicion that in my case they were shaking their heads in shame and embarassment because they see 'what I'm really like'.

I'm learning to not care so much about what people think. In fact, me writing an entire blog about Jock Straps (or for you delicate types - Under Armor) and posting it where almost anyone can read it is one more step in my healing. Some of you might consider this blog 'inappropriate' in someway. And it's ok if you do - as in the same way that it's ok that I think the whole thing is actually kind of funny.

So, tomorrow night is the costume party - I'll post some pictures of me in costume soon. I will be able to attend secure in the knowledge that my underwear is not showing though my pants. There's just one problem though, how do you wear these stupid things???

I Pray With My Fingers

2011-04-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

Most of my adult life has been spent working as a church musician, consequently I think about things most church goers don't have to worry about.

What key should I play the songs in? Are the congregation warmed up enough to sing in a higher key, or is it so early in the morning that I should lower the key so people can sing the song easier? But if I lower the key how will I make a smooth musical transition to the next song?

Should I repeat the chorus of this song again? Will the people operating the computer follow me if I do? Will the other musicians know what I'm planning? Should I shorten the song? Is the congregation engaged with what I'm leading?

Am I playing loud enough that the congregation feels supported in their singing? Am I playing soft enough so that the congregation doesn't feel drowned out?

Should I pray to link the songs together? Should I say something meaningful? Do I talk to much? Do I talk too little?

Will the person who is next in the service remember to come up to the lectern? Should I play something to underscore this transition?

With this cacophony of thought going on inside the head I still try to connect with God whilst I am leading...

...and so I pray.

I pray with words, I pray with silence, and I pray with my fingers. I let my fingers communicate what I need to express to God. I pray with Harmony, with Dissonance, with Rhythm, with Melody, with Dynamics. As my fingers move across the keys they are able to express in sound what I may not be able to put into words. Cascading patterns of notes become melodic hallelujahs. Harmonic suspensions and chordal clashes become honest moments of confession. As fragments expand and contract in harmonic variations I am finding new ways to say 'I love you'. My light and my darkness offered in worship in a private musical language that only God fully comprehends.

I pray with sound, with silence, with words, with music.

I am a church musician, and I pray with my fingers.

March Games Played

2011-04-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

I had a bit of a lull in games played in March, I only managed 22 plays of 18 different games (down from 28 in 2010).

4 games had the honor of being played twice.

Bohnanza I'd actually forgotten how much fun it is to plant beans. It doesn't outlast its welcome and you get to negotiate some fun deals.

Boggle I am not really a fan of word games, I struggle to see words when the letters are jumbled up, I'm not a big fan of scrabble either for the same reason.

Don Quixote It's a tile placement game that features neither Don Quixote, Sancho Panza or Dulcinea! It wasn't that exciting, nothing new or particularly innovative, but it was quick :D

Wits and Wagers It's a good game for a crowd, not that difficult and it doesn't outstay its welcome.

It was nice to see Black Friday hit the table again (even if I did get a rule wrong), and I was glad Master Thieves got played as it is the most expensive game I own.

I've also got everything booked for my annual Board Game Convention in November - the convention totally sold out in 5 days, so I'm glad I was able to get a place :)

I'm not going to explain why I'm carrying my mat.

2011-04-08T17:57:00.000-05:00

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.
So, because Jesus was doing these things on the Sabbath, the Jewish leaders began to persecute him.

This is a tough passage to read for me, Jesus statement about 'Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.' raises a lot of questions in my mind that normally distracts me from seeing other things in the passage.

I think the man's response to Jesus question 'Do you want to get well?' is very telling. For the man, healing means getting into the pool when the water is stirred (first person in gets the miracle! See John 5:4). He's been paralyzed for 38 years, and for much of that time he has been lying by the pool on his mat trying to get into the water to win the race for the healing. He has a set expectation for how God will bring healing into his life. The pool. Maybe he imagined that Jesus would offer to help him into the water.

Instead healing comes in a completely unexpected form. 'Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.'

After years of lying down paralyzed the fact that the man can walk at all is a sign of healing, having the strength to also carry his mat is further confirmation of the miracle.

Carrying his mat meant that he lost his place by the pool. If he'd left his mat behind he could have reserved his spot so he had somewhere to go if this 'healing thing' didn't work out for him. His mat defined his world, and Jesus encourages him to take his mat with him...and break the law.

I identify with this man. I can think of situations in my life where I am convinced I know how Jesus will bring healing and change. I tell God what healing should look like for me, and even how he should accomplish it in my life. I need to keep remembering that God is bigger than the box I put God in. I mustn't get so attached to my mat that I am unwilling to roll it up and carry it. Sometimes the very things I put in place for my own comfort and protection can become barriers.

To the Jewish Leaders the mat was a sign of a Sabbath breaker, something forbidden. They don't care about the miracle in this man's life...all they see is the mat. There is no acknowledgement of the journey that has led to the mat being carried through the city streets. The idea that this act of lawbreaking could stem from an encounter with God seems unthinkable.

I don't need to explain to everyone who asks why I'm carrying my mat. Often the people who ask are unable to hear the answer, the story of my encounter falls on deaf ears. Jesus asked me to do what I thought was unthinkable, to take up my mat and walk. I'll leave the explaining to others. I have some walking to do.

Wow - a Virtual Choir of 2000+ Voices

2011-04-05T11:09:00.002-05:00

Going beyond making the grade.

2011-03-31T09:36:00.000-05:00

Rewriting the Past

2011-03-30T14:23:00.003-05:00

Back in July 1990 I was on vacation in Swanage, England, a small costal town on the south coast. I spent most of the days wandering the hills overlooking the beach, reading the book of Romans and a book called The Father Heart of God by Floyd McClung. The weekend obviously left an impression on me, in the fact that I remember it in such vivid detail.

Whilst wandering around the headlands I would spend time singing to myself, and I wrote a lyric for a praise song that goes as follows:

Lord Let me feel Your gentle touch,
A freely flowing healing stream
Filling my soul with all Your power
And bathing my heart with love

Pour out a waterfall (women echo each line)
Of love and light
pour out a waterfall
On me
Please let Your Spirit come
And flood my heart
A waterfall
Of love.

Lord let me hear Your gentle voice
That leads through my uncertainty
Shining a light where I should walk
And guiding me on my way

Pour out a waterfall...

Lord pour Your Spirit on Your church
As water on a thirsty land
Break down the barriers of fear
Until we are one in You

Pour out a waterfall....

In the Contemplative Service we frequently use a form of prayer that we call Waterfall Prayer. You image holding someone out under a waterall of God's love. It's a way to pray for someone when you really don't have the words to do so.

So I recently revisited my old song to see if it was usable. After playing through it I began to critique it with 21 years of song writing under my belt. Musically it never really makes it, the verses are in the key of C while the chorus is in F. Can you think of many praise songs where the verses and chorus are in different keys? I can think of a few that use the Relative Minor and Major, but not many, and there's a good reason for that. It sounds like 2 separate songs that have been velcroed together. It flows, but it feels uncomfortable.

The melody of the verses feels very 'hymn like', it doesn't lead into the chorus, and the melody of the chorus is rather hackneyed with it's echo and the shape of the tune. It feels borderline children's musical to me, it's almost too easy to learn, it's predictable, boring.

The lyrics? Well, they are ok, but they try to cover too much in the song. Verse 1 is about experiencing God in the present. Verse 2 about God guiding us...and note the mixed metaphor, "Let me hear your gentle voice......shining a light", how does a voice shine a light? Verse 3 suddenly jumps theme from personal renewal/guidance, to corporate renewal of the church. The pronouns switch from 'I' to 'We' and then of course switch back to the singular 'Me' for the chorus.

And so, a rewrite was definitely in order to make something usable.

The new lyric reads like this:

Love, like a waterfall,
Falling on us,
Flooding our hearts with grace and peace
Healing waters flow
Flowing on us,
Flooding our hearts with love.

(Repeat)

Every moment of every day God is loving us,
Showers of mercy and waves of forgiveness are covering us.

Love, like a waterfall....

The first thing you notice is that the song is much shorter and focussed. The lyrics don't try to cover too much ground. It is also all in the plural, 'Us'. I made a conscious decision to write it that way, but also wanted to craft it in such a way that if we were praying for others we could change the lyric to 'You' instead of 'Us' and it would still make sense.

The B section of the lyric 'Every moment of every day' is actually optional, it flows just fine, but you can use the A section alone as a response. In fact the first time we sang the song I did the B section as a solo.

In a song this short it is difficult to maintain a rhyming scheme that doesn't sound forced, instead I chose to tie the lyric together through repeating sounds within the lines. "...like a waterfall, falling..." and "...waters flow, flowing..." for example. Also the use of Falling, Flowing, Flooding helps give the lyric cohesion.

The melody of the A section 'Love, like a waterfall', mainly falls in stepward motion, illustrating the lyrics melodically - something that my original 1990 song attempted to do but was unsuccessful. The B section mainly climbs step wise twice, with 2 jumps down that mirror the A section.

Probably the most important change in the lyric is a shift in my understanding of God. The original lyric was a request for God to pour out his love upon us, the new lyric is an acknowledgement that God is actively pouring out his love upon us all the time.

Sometimes it's an interesting exercise to rewrite the past.

My Requiem

2011-03-18T17:36:00.004-05:00

My original post where I uploaded the recording of my requiem has stopped working...I finally figured out a new way of doing it.

(the files may take a few moments to start playing)

Enjoy the music :)

02+Introit+and+Kyrie

04+Dies+Irae

06+Pie+Jesu

08+Offertory

10+Sanctus

12+Benedictus

14+Agnus+Dei

16+Libera+Me

18+In+Paradisum-Benediction

Carrying the Bear of Faith

2011-03-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

(I wrote this years ago, I have absolutely no idea why!)

Associated Press

Jim Hardcastle is a man with a mission. A mission that involves danger, suspense, freezing conditions and a six foot two inch tall Teddy Bear that he has affectionately christened Stanley. For Jim this mission is of the utmost importance and seriousness, but for Stanley? Well he’s just along for the ride strapped on Jim’s back – his embroidered smile never waning.

I first caught up with Jim at his mission training camp, which is located in the entertainment room of his modest two-bedroom house located in the Catskills. But there is no ordinary entertainment that goes on here; Jim has constructed plywood ledges and ramps, a miniature climbing wall and a large walk in freezer, which Jim and Stanley sit in for at least two hours every day. There are no televisions or stereo systems; anything that could be a distraction for Jim and prevent him from developing the skills he needs has been discarded. His passion and determination have cost him dearly. His wife Sylvia left him two months ago for a mountaineer in Colorado whom Jim employed to teach him the correct use of crampons. His daughter Jess has started dating the Emergency Repair Specialist from the Steiff Teddy Bear Company who Jim flew in so that he could learn the correct repair and maintenance of Stanley whom he commissioned from Steiff for a mere $5000.

Not only has Jim lost family members over his quest but his social life has suffered as well. Jim never leaves his house without Stanley strapped precariously on his back and so most of his friends now avoid him. Practically every business in Jim’s idyllic mountain village has banned him from entering their premises as long as he has Stanley riding with him. This inconvenience would have long deterred a lesser man but not Jim. He has his carefully balanced nutritional meals delivered to him once a month, which he then stores, and eats in his Entertainment Freezer Center. He is content to spend all his time with Stanley for as he says:

“If we can’t get on with each other now, how will we cope when we are trying to sleep inside my tent while we are making the main assault on the North Face?”

Jim’s dream, his drive, his calling and passion – although many would say crazed obsession- is to be the first man to make a solo ascent on Mount Everest with a six foot two inch tall Teddy Bear strapped on his back. Jim himself would describe his goal rather differently however and when he does so he speaks with the fervent passion of a country preacher with an inner fire that no amount of time in his home freezer can dim.

“I was reading through the book of Psalms when the LORD first spoke to me. Psalm 22v1 to be exact, ‘Let us go to the House of the LORD’. Then I glanced backwards and saw Ch 121v1, ‘I lift up mine eyes to the hills’. So many of the Psalms in my bible were described as ‘A song of Ascents’ that I knew the LORD was calling me to climb. I must ascend Mount Zion! I thumbed through my grandmother’s atlas, but I couldn’t locate Zion anywhere…….and that was then the Lord spakest unto me and shewed me that only the tallest mountain would be a fitting ascent for His Glory.”

Jim paused to wipe some froth away from his mouth with his pocket-handkerchief.

“I called my Nephew Dylan and bid him enlighten me unto the name of the tallest Mount. Out of the mouths of babes and infants is spoken much truth, but Dylan is only 15 months old and so he just gurgled and belched. As the LORD has not seen fit to bestow on me the Gift of Interpretation I called the local library where Phyllis informed me that Everest was the mountain I sought.”

Jim’s level of faith and obedience would shame even the most fervent Pentecostal. He truly believes that the LORD will sustain him and protect him during his climb. He quotes many passages to support this belief, his favorite being Psalm 121v3 “He will not let your foot be moved.”

But surprisingly there are still skeptics. Most of them desperately seeking an explanation for the presence of Stanley strapped on Jim’s back. I asked Jim to respond to the nay sayers who claim that even if Jim was fit enough to climb Everest, the presence of a frozen cuddy toy lashed to his back would make the climb impossible as a conservative estimate places the weight of a frozen Stanley at 577lbs and 4ozs.

“We all have our crosses to bear,” said Jim. “Stanley is mine. He is the bear that Daniel saw in his vision (Chapter 7) that was ‘raised up’. How much further can a bear be raised than the summit of the world’s highest mountain!”

Many of the village’s children however have embraced Jim as one of their own, an action that Jim sees as a confirmation of his calling. Some of them have gone so far as to throw temper tantrums until their parents bought plush soft toy bear backpacks, which they wear constantly. The sight of Jim and Stanley leading his entourage of devotees through the back roads is faintly reminiscent of the Pied Piper of Hamlin. But unlike the piper, the ‘Bear-Carrier of the Catskills’ is not out for profit or revenge. Simple obedience and faith is his calling.

The town’s only Minister, the Right Reverend Horace Thrumblaster has this to say about his most eccentric parishioner

“ I say this with as much love as I can muster, but I truly believe that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a Bear-Carrier to climb Mount Everest.”

But Jim insists that it is possible for a camel to go through the eye of a needle

“All you need is a very large needle or a very efficient Blender,” he says smiling.

I guess only time will tell.

Editorial Comment: When last seen, Jim was in the Himalayas accompanied by two Sherpas heading for his base camp. Stanley was nowhere to be seen however, for even Jim’s passion could be tempered by the corporate funding and Sponsorship of Disney. Stanley is now a permanent fixture at a children’s home outside of Springfield having been ousted by a Six foot two inch heated and thermally insulated model of Baloo from Disney’s ‘The Jungle Book’.

Prayer and Songwriting

2011-03-15T09:32:00.008-05:00

I am teaching this week at another church in town, they are doing a series on Prayer and the Arts and I'm talking about songwriting.

I'm going to teach 2 creative writing projects that I utilize both in prayer and in songwriting. To do this I've been playing around with a new presentation software called Prezi. I'm not much of a visual artist so I haven't really tapped into it's potential, but I do like the way I can zoom into the clustering technique to show details and then zoom out again to show the whole thing. Here's the presentation (just click on the triangle to advance the slides, if the presentation doesn't seem to load, then reload the page or follow the hyperlink above, sometimes I've had problems!)

Exploring the Lord's Prayer on Prezi

In the process of working on the presentation I interacted with each line of the Lord's Prayer (or Model Prayer as the church where I'm teaching calls it) by rewriting them using Synonymous, Antithetical and Synthetic Paralellisms ~ watch the presentation to find out what they are :)

Here's my result

Our Father in Heaven

Dad of us all, who covers us all
We are not orphans, living life unobserved
We are one family, with God watching us all

Hallowed be Thy Name

Your name is a beautiful mystery
No other person blazes as brightly as You
We see Your beauty and declare it aloud

Your kingdom come

Invade our lives with Your rule
May our kingdoms diminish
With 'self' on the throne, our kingdoms will crumble

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven

Help us be as obedient as the angels
Let earthly selfishness be replaced by heavenly obedience
Help us follow You, for You see the bigger picture

Give us this day our daily bread

Nourish and sustain us
Don't let us consume more than we need for today
Help us to see the food You place before us

And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us

May our "I forgive yous" be an echo of Yours
Do not hold grievances against us as we so often do to others
Forgiveness delated and denied corrodes the soul

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil

If our path cannot be easy, guide as safely through difficulty
We can find our own way into trouble and get in over our heads - help us!
Let us trust You to chart the course of our lives

For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen

You have the Authority, the ABility and the Beauty, always
We are obedient servants, singing Your praises for eternity
It's all about You, all You, Always You

After sitting with each line individually, I then took one of each version and made my own prayer.

We are one family, with God watchin us all
We see Your beauty and declare it aloud!
May our kingdoms diminish -
Let earthly sefishness be replace by heavenly obedience.
Help us to see the food You place before us -
And to remember that forgiveness delayed and denied corrodes the soul.
If our path cannot be easy, guide as safely through difficulty
For life is about You
All You
Always You
Amen

It was an interesting exercise to do as it forced me to think about what each line in the prayer means for me rather than just reciting it rote. I was also surprised by what came up for me when I utilized the Clustering Technique that is demonstrated in the presentation.
Enjoy :)

Chocolate Banana Muffins

2011-03-11T19:39:00.001-06:00

• 3 very ripe or overripe bananas
• ½ cup vegetable oil
• 2 eggs
• ½ cup (packed) light brown sugar
• 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons best quality unsweetened cocoa powder (sifted)
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 x12 cup muffin pan plus liners (foil are best)

1. Preheat the oven to 400F and line the muffin pan with paper/foil cups.
2. Mash the bananas by hand in a bowl
3. Still mashing add the oil followed by the eggs and sugar
4. In another bowl mix the flour, cocoa powder and baking soda together and add this mixture, beating gently, to the banana mixture, then put approx 3 tablespoons in each muffin.
5. Bake in the oven for 15-20 mins, by which time the muffins should be dark, rounded, and peeking proudly out of their paper cups.
6. Let them sit for about 5 mins in the pan before removing to a wire rack. Let them cool completely before eating!!!

Store in an airtight container layered with parchment. Will keep 2-3 days in a cool place.

I Am Everyone

2011-03-10T13:56:00.007-06:00

(Thoughts for Sunday's contemplative service)

I grew up hearing the Parable of the Prodigal Son many times - always in the context of the Sunday Evening Gospel Service. The visiting preachers (a different one nearly every week) would use the parable to talk about how "......we are all the Prodigal Son, wandering away from God and living a life of Sin and Debauchery until we eventually come to our senses and journey home towards the Father who loves us so much he will run to meet us....and we can begin that journey this evening, just walk to the front of the church while the final hymn is played."

I would nod wisely to myself while inwardly I was wishing that I had the courage of the younger son. (Though back then I would have labeled it arrogance.) And so as the organ played 'Just As I Am', I stayed just where I was, wondering who I was in the story.

I do that with a lot of bible stories.

Am I the Prodigal, or the Older Brother? Am I Wheat or Weeds? Am I Sheep or Goats? Am I a Wise or Foolish builder? Who am I?

I am everyone

I am the older brother, staying at home being obedient to what Father wants, and resenting him for it.

I am the older brother, jealous of my younger brother for having the courage to do what I wanted to do.

I am the older brother, angry with my father for never rewarding me for slaving away on his farm. I'm obedient, but not loving.

I am the younger brother, running away from community, viewing my own selfish pursuit of pleasure as the most important thing in life.

I am the younger brother, realizing I've made a mess of my life and wondering if I can sweet talk my father into letting me back into the house.

I am the younger brother, overwhelmed by forgiveness that I don't deserve.

I am the father, recklessly loving even when it could be exploited.

I am the father, offering forgiveness without conditions.

I am the father, seeking reconciliation because I want all my children to be at the feast.

I can even find myself in the residents of the far country who helped the younger brother squander his inheritance, in the servants at the farm, helping in the background of an unexpected feast and in the absent mother, not mentioned in the story at all and therefore having no role to play.

I Am Everyone

As you read through the story of the Prodigal Son, find yourself in everyone. Who is it easy to be? Is there any character you don't want to be?

40 Journaling Questions for Lent

2011-03-08T10:47:00.003-06:00

“Lent is the shadow the Cross makes on the world in the light of the Resurrection”.

Traditionally Lent is a time for reflection and commitment. These questions are designed to be used as springboards for your personal journaling. Attempt to write an answer to one question a day and also try to write a prayer a day as a response to your own journaling (you get Sundays off). If you feel a question does not apply to you or you are unwilling or unable to answer it, journal about why this is so.

Wed March 9th 1. How would you describe your current relationship with God?
Thurs 2. What activities help you connect with God?
Fri 3. Where are you encountering joy in your life at the moment?
Sat 4. What gives you delight and how is God in that experience?

Mon March 14th 5. Describe a time you felt especially close to God.
Tues. 6. Describe a time you felt especially far from God.
Wed. 7. How does God delight in you?
Thurs. 8. What does God say when He looks at you?
Fri. 9. What emotions arise when you think about God? Why?
Sat 10. What has shaped your image of God?

Mon March 21st 11. What strengths do you have?
Tues 12. How are you unique?
Wed. 13. What are you afraid of?
Thurs. 14. What do you dislike about yourself?
Fri. 15. What do you like about yourself?
Sat. 16. Write about one aspect of yourself you would like to change.

Mon March 28th 17. What was one great thing about growing up in your family?
Tues. 18. What was one frustrating thing about growing up in your family?
Wed 19. How are you like your parents?
Thurs. 20. How are you different from your parents?
Fri. 21. How have your parents influenced your perception of God?
Sat. 22. What are your favorite memories of your childhood?

Mon April 4th 23. What are you angry with God about at the moment?
Tues. 24. How do you feel God has let you down?
Wed. 25. Where do you need to experience God at the moment?
Thurs. 26. What kind of person feels ‘unsafe’ to you?
Fri. 27. How do you react when you feel threatened?
Sat. 28. How does God feel ‘unsafe’ to you?

Mon April 11th 29. What is your favorite bible verse and why?
Tues. 30. Are there any parts of the bible you wish weren’t there? Why?
Wed. 31. What is your favorite bible story and why?
Thurs. 32. What lies do you tell yourself?
Fri. 33. What do you want people to say about you when you die?
Sat. 34. What is your biggest struggle and how have you encountered God through it?

Mon April 18th 35. What image comes to mind when you think of God?
Tues. 36. How has God used you recently?
Wed. 37. How has God shown His love for you during this season?
Thurs. 38. What is God trying to say to you at the moment?
Fri. 39. Which question was the hardest to answer honestly?
Sat. 40. How have you changed/grown through answering these questions?

February Games Played

2011-03-04T13:48:00.003-06:00

In February I managed 19 plays of 14 different games. In Feb 2010 I managed 28 plays so this is a fairly sizable reduction :(

Top of the list for Feb is one of my fave card games Sticheln
It's a great card game with a lot of surprises, it can be tricky to learn, but it is satisfying once you grasp what is going on :)

Second with 2 plays is Black Friday - the most recent offering from Friedeman Friesse. At first glance you wouldn't expect me to like this game, it's about trading shares and manipulating markets and seems an exercise in statistics, probability and observation...but for some reason I do enjoy it. I even constructed a 4 page flow chart to make the game play easier to learn!!!!!

Die Fugger (another favorite) also managed 2 plays. Trading goods and influencing market prices....a great game all contained in a tiny deck!

The other game with 2 plays was Palastgefluster

The game count may have been lower for February...but I did get to sit in the Caribbean sunshine with good friends playing games while on an awesome cruise....luxury!!!!

Mother God?

2011-02-24T09:34:00.005-06:00

Random thoughts for the Contemplative Service
This is an adaptation of an earlier post, so if you read the first one, you can just ignore this one lol)

I don't remember when I first started praying, it was definitely before I had the 'evangelical conversion experience'. I used to address my prayers to God without any real understanding of who God was. After I became a christian (walk forward at a Revival during 'Just as I Am', say a three point prayer and get a little emotional) most of my prayers were addressed to Jesus.

In my twenties I went though a very charismatic phase so most of my prayers were addressed to the Holy Spirit (or just spirit if I felt informal).

I still start my prayers different ways at different times, but I became aware a few years ago that my default setting was 'Father God'.

The words we use are important, they indicate preferences and prejudices and also set up expectations. Different organizations use different terms to mean the same thing to cast themselves in the best possible light. 'Illegal Alien' vs 'Undocumented Worker' or 'Pro-life' vs 'Pro-choice'.

Each of these terms carry subtly different shades of meaning.

When you shop at Target or go to Disney World you are not a Customer (even though you are buying a product), you are a Guest.

Some of these language issues creep into church as well. I've been in meetings where the Congregation has accidentally been referred to as the Audience. It was just a slip of the tongue, but I wonder what mindset it revealed about the role of the people in the pews. When I was young most Pastors had a 'Study' at church. Now most of the Pastors I know have an 'Office' at church and do their studying elsewhere, usually somewhere where the audience (oops I mean congregation) can't find them :D

So what has this to do with my prayers?

I believe that God displays qualities that we traditionally label as masculine and others we label as feminine. Isaiah says 'As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you and you will be comforted over Jerusalem' (Isaiah 66:13)

I have no difficulty using the phrase in a prayer 'God, as a mother you....' but when I tried to use the phrase 'Mother God' it tripped on my tongue and I felt uncomfortable. Even though I gave intellectual assent to God mothering me as well as fathering me, it still felt strange.

And so I prayed that way, out loud for one week. I prayed to Mother God, mainly in the car or in my office, and I noticed something. The content of my prayers shifted slightly. When I was a child I would ask my Mother and Father the same question but I would phrase it differently. The way I would talk about a topic with my Dad was different to Mom, and so it was with my prayers. I was still praying about the same situations and topics, but the shift in language caused a shift in emphasis and sometimes even a shift in request.

All of our ways of describing God fall short of who God is. God is beyond gender, so much more than only Father or Mother.

When I changed the metaphor that I was using for God, my way of relating to God changed.

What metaphors do you use when you pray?

What other metaphors might God be inviting you to use?

Vacation Photos Part 1

2011-02-21T20:58:00.002-06:00

Well here are some of the pics of the Caribbean Cruise :)

Just to explain, we were the first ever ship to dock at Falmouth, Jamaica. The dock wasn't completely finished, but the entire town came to see us arrive and leave...it was quite amazing.

There are also some photos on a couple of waterproof cameras (climbing the waterfall in Jamaica, snorkelling etc) which I will post when I get them!

Create your own free slideshow

Rustic Bacon and Chicken Tart

2011-02-08T21:01:00.012-06:00

It started from a picture in my copy of Cooking for Two 2010 by America's Test Kitchen. A recipe for Rustic Turkey Tart taunted me. The main ingredient was 10oz of cooked turkey, shredded. Now I am more than happy to roast a turkey for major holidays, but I don't make it a weekly occurrence so my fridge is not laden down with Tupperware of turkey calling out to be used.

(This is my changed version, not Cook's Illustrated original)

So, seeing as I knew I was going to be substituting Chicken for Turkey, I wondered what other changes I could make to make the Tart my own. The original recipe called for mushrooms, now I am a big fan of fungi, but Jenny - the neighbor I am teaching to cook isn't. I wondered how I could transform the filling to make it pleasurable on Jenny's palate. Well, once you start changing recipes it's amazing how far you can go, so here is my new adaptation (with notes and queries below). If you make it, let me know how you like it!

Rustic Bacon and Chicken Tart

Serves 2-3 and takes about 1 hour 40 to make.

2 carrots, peeled and diced.
1 small onion, diced
4 slices of bacon, chopped into small pieces
2 chicken breasts
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup frozen peas
1 cup chicken broth/stock
1 Tablespoon all purpose flour
1/2 tablespoon dried parsley
Salt and Pepper
1 egg white, lightly beaten
1 round of store bought pastry (such as Pillsbury Just Unroll!)

You will also need, cooking parchment, saran wrap, a rolling pin and a rimmed baking sheet.

To make the filling:

Saute the bacon in a skillet until the fat begins to render, add the onion and the carrot and saute lightly for 5 minutes.

Place the chicken breasts in the pan and pour in 1 cup of chicken broth.

Cover the skillet with a tightly fitting lid, bring to a boil and then reduce heat to a simmer for 20-25 minutes until the chicken is cooked. (I use an instant read meat thermometer to check!) If you are making this all in one session now is a good time to preheat the oven to 400F.

While the chicken is cooking, put 1 tablespoon of flour in a small bowl. Add the 1/4 cup of cream to it and mix thoroughly until no lumps remain.

Remove the chicken and shred with 2 forks.

While you are shredding the chicken, stir the flour cream mixture into the skillet and bring to a boil for a few minutes to thicken, stirring. Then reduce the heat while you finish the chicken.

When the chicken is shredded and the sauce slightly thickened add the chicken back into the skillet. Also add the peas and the parsley and season with salt and pepper to taste.

It should look something like this!

All of this can of course be done in advance and kept in the fridge.

To assemble the tart:

Unroll the pie crust onto some baking parchment. cover with saran wrap and then roll out slightly until it is a 10 inch round. This will only take a few passes with the rolling pin, don't make it too thin or disaster could ensue.

Place the rolled out pastry onto the rimmed baking sheet and place the slightly cooled filling into the middle leaving about 1 1/2 inches around the edge.
Moving gently around the circumference fold the edge of the dough in over the filling pleating every 1 to 2 inches as needed. Don't be too rough or you will rip the pastry!
Brush the pastry with the beaten egg white and then bake in the middle of the oven for 25-30 minutes until golden brown. Let sit on a rack for 5 minutes and then cut and serve.

You'll notice a little seepage from the Tart, I don't think I've managed one yet without something leaking somewhere, but it hasn't distracted from the yumminess and the parchment paper makes it easy to clean. If you want to make a neater presentation it is simplicity itself to slide it off the parchment onto a platter. Just cut and serve!

I'm happy with the recipe, but here are a few more thoughts to improve/modify.

Make your own pastry! I haven't done it that way yet because I wanted to make something that Jenny would feel safe making and the tart is scary enough without pastry making as well, but I'm positive that homemade pastry would taste so much better than the stuff Pillsbury makes.
To speed up the cooking of the chicken I have wondered about either a) using 4 chicken cutlets instead of 2 chicken breasts, or b) cutting the chicken breasts in half horizontally to make them thinner. They would cook quicker, there is room in the skillet, and as you are shredding them anyway the thinner cutlets won't matter. I think this technique could cut the chicken cooking time in half. I haven't tried it yet though.
I wondered about sprinkling about 1/2 cup of cheese on top of the filling before baking. In the original recipe they use goat cheese. That might be a nice possibility, or a nice cheddar.
Scallions or green onions might be an interesting substitute for the small onion, and come to think of it a leek might be a great substitution!

Well that's my recipe. If you try it let me know what happens :)

January Games Played

2011-02-04T14:03:00.002-06:00

I managed 33 plays of 28 different games....

...so what were the 5 games that got 2 plays?

Chains of Fenrir - light, quick, and easily portable.

Kingsburg - I got the expansion for Christmas so I had to re familiarize myself with the base game...somehow the expansion is still in shrink...must open it soon.

Rattus - because a game where you are trying to give other people the Black Plague while you are avoiding it yourself is always fun...actually it is a great little strategy game that doesn't outstay its welcome.

The Resistance - a group deduction game like Werewolf, but without player elimination. Lying never felt so good!

Revolution - although it's basically a glorified Rock Paper Scissors, the amount of double think and screwage that goes on with this game is enjoyable!

A couple of games of special note this month that only received a single play:

Through the Ages - I finally managed to play a full game of this, it took Steve and I 5 hours to complete, and it was a real nail biting finish that I only lost by 7 points. As this was my first full game and my first play in 8 months I felt good about how I acquitted myself :)

Glory To Rome - a popular game whose cartoony graphics seem at contrast to its depth. I'm glad I finally got to play this :)

How NOT to have a cooking show!

2011-02-02T08:09:00.001-06:00

Experiments in Prayer

2011-01-31T14:13:00.010-06:00

"As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you;
and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”
Isaiah 66:13

I've heard it said that words define reality, I'm not sure if that's true, but the words that I use do indicate preferences and prejudices. I see this all the time on news reports when different organizations use different terms for the same thing. Illegal Alien or Undocumented Worker, Pro-Life or Pro-Choice, Marriage Equality or Gay Marriage. Each of these terms carry subtly different shades of meaning and weight to different sides of the topic.

When you go to Target you are not a Customer you are a Guest. Disney Theme Parks have Guests that are attended by Cast Members. Different terms create different relationships and expectations.

So what has this to do with prayer? Well I wrote a status update last week on Facebook that said 'All our ways of describing God fall short of who God is, so don't get too attached to them.' It was inspired by a conversation in my Ignatian Spiritual Exercise Group when we talked about 'who' we pray too.

When I was young my prayers were all addressed to 'God', even before I became a Christian I remember praying. After having a standard Evangelical Conversion Experience (walk forward in front of everyone, say a three part prayer and feel a little emotional) my prayers were all addressed to Jesus.

In my mid twenties I went through a very charismatic phase so most of my prayers were addressed to the Holy Spirit (or sometimes just Spirit if I felt informal).

I still address my prayers different ways at different times, but I became aware a few years ago that my default mode was to pray to 'Father God'.

Now by using 'Father' I'm not placing assigning a specific gender onto God, I'm more indicating the intimacy of relationship. Maybe the word 'Papa' would fit more in this regard. I would imagine that some variant of 'Father God' or 'Almighty God' would be the most prevalent term used in prayers.

It really doesn't matter what term I use, but my word choices indicate preferences and prejudices and in some way I believe they help shape the contents of my prayer.

Now I believe that God displays qualities that we traditionally label as masculine and others we label as feminine....

...and so for 1 week I decided to pray to Mother God.

Even though I offered intellectual assent to the phrase, I still found my tongue tripping over the phrase when I prayed out loud. Most of my prayers are not spoken aloud, but I found that the reinforcement of my ears hearing what my mouth prayed was helpful.

And so I prayed to Mother God, mainly in the car or in my office....and I noticed something....the content of my prayers shifted slightly. When I was a child I would ask my Mother and Father the same question, but I would phrase it differently. The way I would talk about a topic with my Dad would be different to Mom....and so it was in my prayers.

I was still praying about the same situations and topics, but the shift in language caused a shift in emphasis and sometimes even a shift in request.

I've heard it said that we become like the God we worship, if we believe in a Judgemental God, then we reflect that in our lives. If we believe in a God who extends grace to us, then we are more likely to extend grace to others.

We love as we are loved.

The term 'Mother' elicits more compassion from me than 'Father', so as this experiment has 'changed God' hopefully it will change me.

Jesus and West Side Story

2011-01-23T14:30:00.009-06:00

In West Side Story there is a song called 'Gee Office Krupke' which features a stanza that says:

My father is a bastard,
My ma's an S.O.B.
My grandpa's always plastered,
My grandma pushes tea.
My sister wears a mustache,
My brother wears a dress.
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

This is a classic example of a Parallel List Lyric, two lists combined for comic effect. Father, Ma, Grandpa, Grandma, Sister, Brother - all relations, combined with a list of how they are screwed up.

Sondheim the lyricist of West Side Story is famous for this type of verbal word play and it shows throughout his works.

Incidentally when the movie version of West Side Story was released the publishers baulked at the lyrics above (and many other places in the show) so Sondheim rewrote them as:

My daddy beats my mommy,
My mommy clobbers me,
My grandpa is a commie
My Grandma pushes tea!

Which unfortunately weakens the lyric structure and doesn't seem that much 'safer' to me, but I digress.

I was reading Matt 5: 3 - 12 this afternoon and it struck me that the structure of the Beatitudes is very similar to a Parallel List Lyric.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

In the past I've found myself focusing on where in my life do I feel poor in spirit, where am I mourning, where am I meek etc. I figured if I could cultivate those characteristics in my life then I would get all the 'rewards' - the kingdom of Heaven, comfort, inherit the earth etc.

Today however, partly because I've been browsing through my notated collection of Sondheim Lyrics in the awesome book 'Finishing the Hat' I encountered the text of the Beatitudes differently.

I don't want to be poor in spirit, mourn, meek etc just to get the accompanying blessings - treating the Beatitudes as if they are some kind of written guarantee: Be 'A' and you will get 'B'. I do think that all of the 'A' statements will happen in a life that is lived honest and authentically, but I don't think we should persue the 'A' side in the hopes of gaining 'B'.

Jesus speaks these words to a hurting people - poor, living under Roman Occupation. He speaks these words of comfort to fulfill his 'mission' from the prophet Isaiah that he quotes in the synagogue in Luke 4.

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

As I've sat with these 2 passages today it has me wondering what the Spirit of the Lord has anointed me for. What is my message of good news, freedom, healing, and release from oppression? What unique voice do I give to the world?

How can I offer the 'B' section of the Beatitudes? How do I live a life that extends the kingdom of God to the poor in spirit? That comforts those who mourn? That gives the earth to the meek, and fills those who hunger and thirst for righteousness? How do I show mercy to the merciful and help the pure in heart see God? How do I extend the kingdom of heaven to God's children who are peacemakers, who are persecuted?

Today instead of focusing on what I can 'get' from the Beatitudes, I'm trying to learn what I can 'give' instead.

The Taste of Stale Bread

2011-01-19T13:19:00.004-06:00

(random thoughts for the Contemplative Service)

One Sabbath Jesus and his disciples were walking through some wheat fields. His disciples were picking grains of wheat as they went along. Some Pharisees asked Jesus, "Why are your disciples picking grain on the Sabbath? They are not supposed to do that!"
Jesus answered, "Haven't you read what David did when he and his followers were hungry and in need? It was during the time of Abiathar the high priest. David went into the house of God and ate the sacred loaves of bread that only priests are allowed to eat. He also gave some to his followers."

Jesus finished by saying, "People were not made for the good of the Sabbath. The Sabbath was made for the good of people. So the Son of Man is Lord over the Sabbath." ~ Mark 2:23-28 (CEV)

The Pharisees are concerned for Jesus' followers, here they were picking and eating grain on the sabbath. The Jewish scriptures give explicit instructions that you can eat pick grains of wheat and eat them while walking through somebody's field (Deut 23:25) but it also explicitly states that you must not work on the Sabbath even during ploughing and harvesting seasons (Exodus 34:21). Some pharisees felt that the Deuteronomy passage superseded the Exodus passage whereas others felt the reverse.

Jesus refuses to get drawn into which verse is more important, instead he tells the story of David and the Priest from 1 Sam 21: 1-6

Every week the Priests would bake 12 loaves of unleavened bread out of grain that had been offered in worship. They would sit on a special table in the Sanctuary. When the new loaves arrived then the 12 stale loaves would be given to the priests to consume. Leviticus 6:14-18 makes it very clear that only the direct descendants of Aaron (the priests) can consume the bread. The priest specifically disobeys scripture to give the bread to David and his followers.

I wonder how they reacted when they got to taste Holy Bread, the bread of the 'Presence' for the first time.

'But....this is just bread!....it tastes just like what my wife makes, in fact I think hers is better. I always thought the bread would taste more...more holy. Different somehow. This just tastes stale.'

Something that was holy, set apart, special, is revealed for its ordinariness, and in that revealing is an invitation to step into a new deeper understanding.

In my 20s I had an answer for almost everything ~ 'This is the way it is, and this is the way it shall always be.' When anything came along that would cause me to feel threatened or to question then I built a wall. The harder you pushed the harder I pushed back. Doubts and Questions were not invitations into deeper understanding, instead they were viewed as symptoms of a lack of faith, something to be resisted at all cost.

The walls got higher and what I built as protection become a prison, and the only thing to eat was the stale bread of the presence....and that is more than enough.

Sometimes it takes the realization that the 'Holy' is 'Ordinary' to give us the freedom to examine our walls to see if they are really required. Becoming disenchanted with the way things are is a necessary step in Spiritual Growth, it causes us to question what we have taken for granted, to '...purge naive assumptions, false religious pretensions and unthinking conformity.' ~ Dave Tomlinson, Re-enchanting Christianity.

The people who viewed my walls as required thought I was tumbling away into heresy. The pathway of Spiritual Growth runs parallel to the pathway of Apostasy and to the casual observer the two are easily confused. I heard cries of people echoing the Pharisee in Mark 'You are not supposed to do that!'

Where are you being invited to question, to doubt?
Where are you tempted to build walls?
Where might you need to demolish?

Are You a Problem Thinker?

2011-01-12T15:40:00.001-06:00

If I knew who wrote this I would give them credit, but it came to me as anonymous.

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself. But I knew it wasn'ttrue. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors ... they didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Quarters, Fives and Dimes - a Year of Boardgames

2011-01-08T12:13:00.011-06:00

Like many of my fellow boardgame geeks I log when I play a game online here so that I can see trends. Now I played a lot of games(!) in 2010. I logged 382 plays of 173 games, so obviously there were some repeats. Games that reach the distinction of being played 5, 10 or 25 times become Quarters, Fives and Dimes. When you have as many different games as I have then each of the games that reach this honor must have something to distinguish them from the herd. Here's my take on the games of 2010. For the games of 2009 click here

Quarters

Werewolf is my only quarter in 2010 with 27 plays, in fact it is my first quarter ever as no game came close in 2009. In 2009 I only managed 6 plays, so why the jump to 27 last year? The simple answer is Bering UMC game night. They have a once a month game night that some friends who attend that church invited me too. They wanted to introduce people to games outside the usual fare of Mexican Train, Rummikub and Uno. Werewolf is a great large group game - you need at least 8 people to play, and it is easy to learn so long as the Moderator has a good handle on the rules and a flair for drama :) It's become a staple of their game nights since I introduced it.

Dimes

Hive almost got there with 23 plays. This elegant 2 player game didn't even make it into rotation last year as I did not own a set. The bulk of plays happened in the first 8 months of last year - obviously something came along to remove it from popularity, or someone. Hive only plays 2 people, so whenever a third person appears it is removed from the table.

Dominion had 17 plays last year which is down from 22 in 2009. It's fast, and has enough expansions to keep the game interesting. It may not have been number one in 2010, but the fact that it is still in the top 3 is a sign of a great game.

Animal Upon Animal is a simple children's dexterity game. I played this 13 times in 2010. Seven times on one day!!! It's amazing the things I will do to keep young children entertained.

Fluch de Mumie is another awesome children's game that I managed 10 plays of. This one is fun to play with just adults too as it turns into an intriguing cat and mouse game of deduction as the mummy tries to locate the archaeologists who are stealing treasures from his pyramid.

Nickels

Sticheln is a trick taking game that is wonderfully painful to play. Trump constantly changes every trick, and with most of the deck giving you negative points a positive score is very difficult to achieve. I managed 9 plays last year.

Ascension is probably the game I am most surprised to see on this list. I managed 8 plays of this game which is surprising as I didn't even learn the game until Nov 19th! It's a cross between Dominion and Magic the Gathering.

Tichu managed 8 plays last year. It's a great 4 player card game that takes a while to get your head around. It's one of the standard late night games at the boardgame convention that I attend every year. Last year I entered the tournament and sucked!!! But it's still great fun.

Pitchcar is a silly game that involves flicking wooden cars around a racetrack. There's really not much else to say, easy to learn, and hilarious to play. I managed 7 plays last year.

The Bucket King is a card game with surprising depth. The different animals on the farm all charge at different colored buckets. Your task is to keep your pyramid of buckets intact for as long as possible. I managed 7 plays of this game, 4 of which took place while on a vacation to Disney World :)

Ta Yu is a nice 2 player game. You take turns laying tiles on a board trying to connect the two sides. The board hit the table 7 times in 2010

Felix the Cat in the Sack is a Texas Hold em Variant transformed under the guise of bidding for a sack of unidentified cats! 5 plays for the curious felines in 2010

Pass the Bomb is a light party game. It's amazing how blank your mind can go when you are trying to name words while holding a ticking bomb. The bomb got passed around 5 times in 2010.

Telestrations is a published version of the Telephone Game. The erasable books make the game easy to play and the fun is often not so much in who wins (indeed it's very difficult to score) but more in the silly progressions of the words. It's more of a fun activity than a game, but the important this is that it is fun - I received the game as a door prize at the Board game Convention in November, so the fact that it has managed 5 plays in a month and a half shows how much fun it is.

Fallen from Grace-games that had a minimum of 5 plays in 2009 that were not touched at all in 2010

Chains of Fenrir fell from the table as other games superseded it, but it has been played in 2011 so it's not beyond hope.

Duck Duck Go also disappeared from view in 2010 with zero plays.

Travel Blokus had 5 plays in one day in 2009 and has been gathering dust ever since.

Uno received 5 plays in 3 days due to a family vacation in 2009, it also has not hit the table since.

The Top Three

When I combine the data from both years, there are no real surprises.

Dominion has 39 plays.

Werewolf has 33 plays

Hive has 23

Most of these games can be purchased at thoughthammer.com though a few of them are out of print.

If you're looking for a game suggestion for a group, ask me :)

Tune in next year, for my gaming review!!!!

Roofless Temples

2011-01-06T09:14:00.005-06:00

God is the same everywhere. I'm not. Certain places feel more 'holy' to me. They elicit expectations in me about encountering God that I don't experience in the grocery store.

I was reading Luke 2:41 - 50 as part of my Ignatian Spiritual Exercises last week. Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and his extended family had travelled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Somehow in the chaos of large group travel Mary and Joseph managed to lose the Son of God for a few days. When they eventually locate him he is calmly sitting in the temple courts listening to the teachers, asking questions and offering answers of his own.

In the past when I have read this passage I get caught up in questions regarding how Mary and Joseph could travel for days without realizing Jesus is with them and wondering where Jesus ate and slept in their absence. (We know that some people lived at the temple e.g. Anna in Luke 2:37, and as Men and Women would generally travel separately with the children travelling with the Women it is quite easy to see how Jesus at age 12 could have travelled either with the women or with the men and so each group could assume he is with the other, but I digress.)

This reading I was struck by Jesus' words 'I must be in my Father's house'. I began to think of what geographical locations felt that way to me, if I was to go to my heavenly Father's house, where would I travel too.

Here are the places that came to mind for me:

The North Norfolk Coast, especially, Blakeney or Sheringham.
Swanage in Dorset
The Jesus Chapel in Norwich Cathedral
Palo Duro Canyon

It's interesting to me that three of these places are seaside towns, and at only one of these places does my Father's House have a roof!

What places come to mind for you when you think of connecting with Father? Are there any characteristics they share? I know I am wired to connect to God when I'm at the seaside, there's something about the vastness of the horizon that helps me to plug in to the Divine - though I'm also aware that I don't enjoy just sitting on the beach, I need to be walking and being active.

What are your places? Leave me comment with their locations :)

...one more thought. At age twelve Jesus refers to the temple as his Father's House. When he is in his thirties he takes a whip to it and calls it a den of thieves. I have to be careful that I don't idealize the places where I connect to God in such a way that I am blind to their flaws.

The Twelfth Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-05T19:09:00.003-06:00

On the twelfth day of Christmas: Chains of Fenrir (and Kingsburg again!)
Glass beads in abundance!
Channeling water
Rolling dice and building
Paladins and Castles
8 hours of Gaming
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

Wow! I managed it...I should celebrate by playing a board game :)

The Eleventh Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-04T23:05:00.003-06:00

On the eleventh day of Christmas: Tayu got a play.
Channeling water
Rolling dice and building
Paladins and Castles
8 hours of Gaming
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

The Tenth Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-03T22:06:00.002-06:00

On the Tenth Day of Christmas: Kingsburg was the game!
Rolling dice and building
Paladins and Castles
8 hours of Gaming
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

Why the other line is likely to move faster

2011-01-03T13:19:00.001-06:00

The Ninth Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-02T19:02:00.001-06:00

On the Ninth day of Christmas: Carolus Magnus
Paladins and Castles
8 hours of Gaming
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

And another homemade pizza for food!!!!

The Eighth Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-02T06:27:00.003-06:00

On the Eighth Day of Christmas: 'Cant' Stop', 'Turfmaster', 'Dune Diggers', 'The Resistance', 'Power Grid'
8 hours of Gaming*
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

*and 2 hours standing in the kitchen coordinating and cooking 8 homemade pizzas!

The Seventh Day of Christmas Gaming

2011-01-01T01:04:00.002-06:00

On the Seventh Day of Christmas: 'Tier auf Tier', 'Werewolf', 'The Resistance'
Traitors and Stacking,
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

The Sixth Day of Christmas Gaming

2010-12-31T02:52:00.002-06:00

On the Sixth Day of Christmas: 'i9n', 'Bombay', 'Canal Mania' (and 'Asara' again)
Transport goods and oil wells!
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

The Fifth Day of Christmas Gaming

2010-12-29T16:04:00.002-06:00

On the fifth day of Christmas: 'Ascension' and 'Rock Band'
Wow, I won!!!
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

I'm not sure if Rock Band counts although I didn't state explicitly that video games were excluded it feels a little against the spirit of what I had intended. Hence the game of Ascension to make sure that my internal rules are satisfied :)

The Fourth Day of Christmas Gaming

2010-12-28T23:00:00.003-06:00

On the fourth day of Christmas: 'Hansa' and 'RoboRally',
Baltic Sea and Robots,
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

I've managed 6 games in 4 days, it's easy this week because I'm off work, but I wonder how next week will fair?

The Third Day of Christmas Gaming

2010-12-28T00:02:00.003-06:00

On the third day of Christmas: 'Battles of Westeros'
Miniatures need gluing!
Beautiful Towers,
Be a dinosaur, then go and eat poop!

What will tomorrow's game be? Will I make all 12 days?